How much is too much for a brother in need?

[skinwalker]

Im kinda in a dilemma right now with an old friend, pretty much a brother.
The past year he had moved out of town with his girlfriend, which all of our circle of friends were very relieved. We were relieved by the fact that right before he left he was a mess, popping any kind of pills he could get his hands on, smoking crack/crystal, and worst of all he became strung out on black tar heroin. Within six months of him leaving his supplier od'ed and died at an early age(~32).
During that time he was def. not himself and used and abused his friends, especially me.
I think we're closer because we can personally relate to growing up in a single family home due to our fathers succumbing to their alcohol addictions early in our lives, and pretty much relying on each other growing up.
Well he's back for good since he broke up with his lady, I have a strong feeling its due to his drug/money problems.
So much has changed for me since he has been away, mainly my wife and I are expecting a child this coming year. Which I am totally ecstatic about, I can't barely be away from my pregnant wife for a whole day.
Like I stated in the topic of the thread he's like a brother to me; he was my best man for my wedding(although a mess at the time).
My problem is that I in no way want to be at his disposal but at the same time I do want to be there for him. My priority is my pregnant wife. Has anybody been in this type of situation and how did it pan out? Any advice is really appreciated.

 

[Lolie]

It will become apparent fairly quickly whether your mate is a returning opportunist by whether he starts asking you for favours. If he's gotten into the mooching/hustling lifestyle of relying on others that behaviour may persist even if he's clean.

There are a few people in my social circle who disappear for long periods when everyone gets fed up and starts saying no to them, but they always return eventually (when their new enablers get fed up) and their behaviour is never any different the next time around. Their sense of entitlement is astonishing.

You need to decide in advance where your boundaries lie with this guy and stick to them from the outset. Be aware that he knows exactly how to push your emotional buttons. Don't let his dramas become yours.

 

[SececaRD]

Bros before hoes... j/k

 

[skinwalker]

Thanks lolie and scottyboy420 you guys understand my situation and thanks for the responses. He def. is the type to see how much he can get mooch wise.
Im in total agreement with you guys, i've already started to set my limits with him and at the same time letting him know that i'm there for him. He does have a big social circle so allowing him to distance himself until he wants to talk and hang out without having to always get loaded is the stance i'm taking. Yeah I feel like I can see right past all the bullshit and I feel bad for him, because it is pretty pathetic. But I got mad love for my boy.
^ "Bro's before hoes" Thats funny because he is that type of person too, and I dont think he likes the fact I feel otherwise.

 

[Legerity]

It's possible to love him, and express it, without having to give up your lifestyle that you value. His issues are not yours to take on, even if you do care. Maybe you keeping a bit of distance will trigger some sort of awareness in him that perhaps he is not living his life in a way that he really wants to, and that he is pushing people away because of it.

I do know of somebody who was a heavy drinker, and the thing that finally got him to stop was when his brother got fed up with him and refused to speak to him anymore. It hurt him more than anything else that he had messed up, and so he stopped.