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How many people in your life do you know that are clean and sober?

1josephjohn

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 23, 2011
Messages
32
How many people in your life do you know that are clean and sober?
And I am talking about the people who just don't want to use, not the people who were forced to get clean and sober.
 
it is so hard to quantify. There are many that are ex-addicts that are abstinent from drugs, but nowhere near having the mental state of sobriety. I maybe know four people in my life. One being my uncle loren, the second being aunt Jubbie, the third being my ex, and the last being me...I am not abstinent as I take benzos for medical reasons, but I am sober.

actually make that three...I really can't consider my ex sober, because she still chooses to torment me in order to get a rise out of me. I guess it makes her happy to hurt me.
 
it is so hard to quantify. There are many that are ex-addicts that are abstinent from drugs, but nowhere near having the mental state of sobriety. I maybe know four people in my life. One being my uncle loren, the second being aunt Jubbie, the third being my ex, and the last being me...I am not abstinent as I take benzos for medical reasons, but I am sober.

actually make that three...I really can't consider my ex sober, because she still chooses to torment me in order to get a rise out of me. I guess it makes her happy to hurt me.
Thank you and sorry she torments you. So you are saying due to her actions that proves she is not sober?
 
Thank you and sorry she torments you. So you are saying due to her actions that proves she is not sober?

actually just got off the phone with her...she allowed me to talk to my son.

Sobriety is a state of mind whereas abstinence is a physical state. The act of getting some sort of buzz off hurting someone else is definitely on the spectrum of abstinent but not sober.
 
Fucking cool chef! I hope you got to have a really nice little connection over the phone with him :)

I'm not a normie, but I'm not an addict either: I'm something else entirely. I'ma Misha - so fuck yo labels! :p

I really don't appreciate the dichotomy of addict/normie. I work in the treatment/harm reduction field and also spend free time volunteering in it (so basically I spend a shit load of time around it and my life does kinda revolve around it). Everyone I work with, have volunteered with or have met and talk with about this subject, or even when I've overheard people mentioning it in passing, they all have assumed I'm a "normie" (those who don't know me well that I work with never have assumed I'm an addict, let alone a drug user; frankly given my obsession with drugs I have always found this hard to understand). They all just assume, for plenty of superficial reason I'm sure - and because I don't go around advertising my challenges and predilections, that I don't have a history of problematic drug use or addiction.

I understand why the distinction is so common and isn't gonna go away any time soon, but there are much less differences between most addicts and "normal people" than the dichotomy could represent. Normie ares just as pathologically fucked up as addicts can be.

Personally, I really believe the reason people are labeled and understood as addicts as opposed to normal people in most circumstances (in terms of their involvement in society's institutions, public and private) is thanks to our somewhat puritanical views on deviance.

Anyways, there are a lot of people who aren't addicts in my life. Some of them have experienced periods of problematic drug use, and many of them have other pathological type issues (like I have different friends with a history of trauma/PTSD type symptoms, one who's experienced gender disphoria, more than one who has serious anxiety problems and/or serious depression, and a couple with bipolar I/II). These folks, for the most part, have their issues very under control. They're "normal" responsible hard working people, but they do a lot to keep themselves healthy that a lot of people don't really consider.

I mean, granted I know a lot of fucked up people, but if you look hard enough, even if folks in our culture (American) are really good at masking them, almost every individual has some genuine issue or another (and if they're not presently experiencing it they have in the past). I like to think my mom and dad are perfect, normal people who don't have any "issues", but that's fucking delusional. Doesn't mean they aren't extremely highly functioning people, and if you judged them by their success like our culture implicitly teaches you to they're living really "good," "normal" lives.

Okay, not going into parent issues... And now I'm even further off topic. So what was this thread about? TBH I was confused initially anyways. Are we being asked if we are addicted or normies OR are we asked about the addict/normies that are in our lives? Hope that made sense. I really got to fucking go to bed and get some sleep. This is what happens when I don't have a partner or someone to sleep with around, I don't get enough sleep :( ...
 
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Fucking cool chef! I hope you got to have a really nice little connection over the phone with him :)

I'm not a normie, but I'm not an addict either: I'm something else entirely. I'ma Misha - so fuck yo labels! :p

I really don't appreciate the dichotomy of addict/normie. I work in the treatment/harm reduction field and also spend free time volunteering in it (so basically I spend a shit load of time around it and my life does kinda revolve around it). Everyone I work with, have volunteered with or have met and talk with about this subject, or even when I've overheard people mentioning it in passing, they all have assumed I'm a "normie" (those who don't know me well that I work with never have assumed I'm an addict, let alone a drug user; frankly given my obsession with drugs I have always found this hard to understand). They all just assume, for plenty of superficial reason I'm sure - and because I don't go around advertising my challenges and predilections, that I don't have a history of problematic drug use or addiction.

I understand why the distinction is so common and isn't gonna go away any time soon, but there are much less differences between most addicts and "normal people" than the dichotomy could represent. Normie ares just as pathologically fucked up as addicts can be.

Personally, I really believe the reason people are labeled and understood as addicts as opposed to normal people in most circumstances (in terms of their involvement in society's institutions, public and private) is thanks to our somewhat puritanical views on deviance.

Anyways, there are a lot of people who aren't addicts in my life. Some of them have experienced periods of problematic drug use, and many of them have other pathological type issues (like I have different friends with a history of trauma/PTSD type symptoms, one who's experienced gender disphoria, more than one who has serious anxiety problems and/or serious depression, and a couple with bipolar I/II). These folks, for the most part, have their issues very under control. They're "normal" responsible hard working people, but they do a lot to keep themselves healthy that a lot of people don't really consider.

I mean, granted I know a lot of fucked up people, but if you look hard enough, even if folks in our culture (American) are really good at masking them, almost every individual has some genuine issue or another (and if they're not presently experiencing it they have in the past). I like to think my mom and dad are perfect, normal people who don't have any "issues", but that's fucking delusional. Doesn't mean they aren't extremely highly functioning people, and if you judged them by their success like our culture implicitly teaches you to they're living really "good," "normal" lives.

Okay, not going into parent issues... And now I'm even further off topic. So what was this thread about? TBH I was confused initially anyways. Are we being asked if we are addicted or normies OR are we asked about the addict/normies that are in our lives? Hope that made sense. I really got to fucking go to bed and get some sleep. This is what happens when I don't have a partner or someone to sleep with around, I don't get enough sleep :( ...

I heard that homeboy! Since reading your posts from the beginning I have been questioning the whole addict v. normie dichotomy
and how our culture has created that dividing line.

I too miss having a partner in bed, but I am just way to scared of things going the way that it went with my ex to even consider it. I have gone on dates but that gnawing doubt is still ever present in the back of my mind. Hell due to my compulsive nature one of my addictions was womanizing and to go from that to this is one hell of a transformation.
 
I know man, it sucks but I'm pretty much the same way. It's been too long, and these days it seems like the only time I get to "spoon" is when my friend Khalila invites me to help lead the wilderness retreats she does. And that is in her sleeping bag or on our pads if it's warm our...

But there is thus cute girl around my age I met through one of my dharma classes. We kinda bonded over how she just passed the bar, and how I'm still part of the Mass/RI bar. But I can't seem to bring myself to do much but let things take their natural course, so I don't have any expectations.

And of course there is exjunkiegirl ;) :p

It always bothered me how it's referred to as the toxic or tainted pond when it comes to dating people we me in our recovery oriented stuff. I mean again I get it, and it's a useful concept in its way, but to me it again serves to emphasize how they are fucked up, broken or something in them is missing because they are in recovery - which would imply the same for us - even though I'd consider something being in recovery an attribute. Anyways, I understand it's not so clear cut in any direction, but I'm more interested in employing paradigms that emphasize our essential goodness, even if it's still mere potential in a lot of people we meet through recovery.
 
Everyone - I cut ties with anyone that used and never looked back. I also cut ties with most people who knew me when I was using, as I didn't need the constant reminder of how I ised to be, and/or enabled. Once I got sober I realized I had to make a lot of changes if I was going to stay sober, so I sold my house and moved to a different city. This may be too dramatic for some, but it was what I needed.
 
Everyone - I cut ties with anyone that used and never looked back. I also cut ties with most people who knew me when I was using, as I didn't need the constant reminder of how I ised to be, and/or enabled. Once I got sober I realized I had to make a lot of changes if I was going to stay sober, so I sold my house and moved to a different city. This may be too dramatic for some, but it was what I needed.

That was a very wise thing to do. :)
 
My counselor is 5 years sober. Hes 36 now. He was an IV user alcoholic crackhead. Also he does this gym program for hardluck youth with this personal trainer. He is also sober after being a big crackhead. Hes all super fit now. I'm sober now. Most people I met that ever used, never really seemed to care that they use. One of my really good friends really wants to get sober but he has like a methadone habit, pill habit, and benzo habit.
 
I know man, it sucks but I'm pretty much the same way. It's been too long, and these days it seems like the only time I get to "spoon" is when my friend Khalila invites me to help lead the wilderness retreats she does. And that is in her sleeping bag or on our pads if it's warm our...

But there is thus cute girl around my age I met through one of my dharma classes. We kinda bonded over how she just passed the bar, and how I'm still part of the Mass/RI bar. But I can't seem to bring myself to do much but let things take their natural course, so I don't have any expectations.

And of course there is exjunkiegirl ;) :p

It always bothered me how it's referred to as the toxic or tainted pond when it comes to dating people we me in our recovery oriented stuff. I mean again I get it, and it's a useful concept in its way, but to me it again serves to emphasize how they are fucked up, broken or something in them is missing because they are in recovery - which would imply the same for us - even though I'd consider something being in recovery an attribute. Anyways, I understand it's not so clear cut in any direction, but I'm more interested in employing paradigms that emphasize our essential goodness, even if it's still mere potential in a lot of people we meet through recovery.

Sometimes its a good thing and sometimes its a bad thing. For me I would rather be with a recovering addict, because they at least know why I do some of the things I do, or think the way I think.

Everyone - I cut ties with anyone that used and never looked back. I also cut ties with most people who knew me when I was using, as I didn't need the constant reminder of how I ised to be, and/or enabled. Once I got sober I realized I had to make a lot of changes if I was going to stay sober, so I sold my house and moved to a different city. This may be too dramatic for some, but it was what I needed.

I understand it....I went from syracuse to orlando
My counselor is 5 years sober. Hes 36 now. He was an IV user alcoholic crackhead. Also he does this gym program for hardluck youth with this personal trainer. He is also sober after being a big crackhead. Hes all super fit now. I'm sober now. Most people I met that ever used, never really seemed to care that they use. One of my really good friends really wants to get sober but he has like a methadone habit, pill habit, and benzo habit.

there are those diamonds out there. Rare finds though.
 
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