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How High Are You? v. You Come on Just Like Special K

After experimenting with that proplhexedrine last night, I managed to finish off all my barbs and benzos. I woke this morning thinking (and hoping) I was going to die. I passed out twice just from standing up. Seriously, I have never been that sick from any drug.

Right now I am doing bumps of adderall. Taking it easy.
 
I thought I was close to dieing once on propylhexedrine. Only a steam roller could match the vasoconstriction.

My blood's flowing pretty good on meth though... I can feel my blood platelets smiling.
 
Getting tweaked on accident is a bummer. I almost ground my teeth to stubs last night.
 
Sorry typos, my vision is blurred

Just am/**loked 6.mg o-dm-trRAMADOL and 14mg give or take a few freedase mdpv.


I blasted off like a rocketman to a new level or high level of bliss that I no longer cared much that my mom is going to die. I felt too good, no better feeling

i NEED TO TELLER HER i REALIZT SHE WAS RAISED AS A hillbilly who would whio kids pretty bad, dispose of animals they didn't want, hate other races, make own kids beat dogs when they started barking lonely on small chain till dumpe ot dead. How she was more loving to me because I was a little robot who never disagreed with her likes, dislikes, or words/ I one time said I'd want tp ride carnival riges with sister, she saiid I did not and could die doing it) I said I wanted to nut would not do it if she didn't want me too, result" A slap. a long lecture about how she was only helping and we did not appreciate it. Also graphic descriptions of hells torments and fire with god watching the damned merrily as they burned. I've talked about most grievences and made most apologies but I'd like the family getting togrther soon to have out all the hat, love, and everything they need out of there system before it is over and they ND i LIVE WITHOUT HAVING TOLD HER HOW IMPORTANT SHE is and everyone else why they stopped contacting the family, mostly her so she can say sorry if she did anything and thy to make them understand and love without regret or hidden hate.

I've always wanted more than anything for my parent to loive onw another and be happy. I'd die happy to give them a year or two of that life, but there is nothing I can do. Maybe an MDMA session could help them express love if it exists and to move on completelt if it doesnt.

An MDMA session with my nrother and mom would probably help us say much better thab a sober gettogether, I doubt my mom would take it but brother prob would.. Atleast we could both be open and honest about feelings and say things that would mostly put a smile on her face.

Maybe none will happem.. If I can't say, act, and give support, a;; hard to me, I'll probably follow in death(Buy suicide) I'

Time to get some MDPV and/or DMT to smoke. Things are foggy with shooting zapps,, swarming insects, smoke, hands reaching out and what seem like tranparent ghosts and life in a paraleell univerrs with opening windows to see a glimpse. My keyboard is full of bugs. Nos psychs or JWH's yet todaym / Lack of sleep for long period wortst since I tripped 40 hours and narely slept a while because I like smoking MDPV.Most of it is nonsens, otten pretty, sometimes evail like long clawed hands coming out under the monitor. I will sleep early if I can because I don't want real time in the nut house. Ive been there twice - Once ass revenge for ripping my straps off and trying to reach the door as it went 80-90mph ao I could escape what they were oing. I made dallas got tests, nothing major showed up, it was a mild concussion from bang on forehead and npthing on back, yet I could barely for sentences, didn't know who or where I was and developed a delusion after bzzare behavior and pulsating hallucination on cops/guards that my sister was taken and killed or changed.. About all I could do is say let me leave and then I went for the gun to kill myself with. I was almost normal 8 hours later when they decided take me away. I was told it was because I tried to get the gun, did sever hundred damafe and tried to leave the moving vehiclw. I reminded him I was completely out of my mind and scared due to a physical hed injury but he let me know in similar words to"We don't tolerate damage to our property or assauls(what I remember pulling my arms in the may and pushing a little in self defense. The gun grab attemp I said was to end my life, but only because I wasn't allowed to leave, believed pigs and gaurds to be non human and that they took my sister away to harm or kill and they were not letting me go because I was next. I told and showed him how much better I was and I wasn't crazy, I just lost my mind for a day when I managed to hit it twice pretty hard. He then said nothing is more serious than threatening or assault of an officer and I would be sent to one. It was worse than a hospital or dark celler. Someone told me that they called my mom to let her no I died from a ketamine overdose. I begged them to let me call, they would not and to call her themselves, they would not so I threm my cuup between my feet and for that I was assaulted by the big muscle men who kept me from breathing be sticking there fists hard under ribs and both laid down on me. They made there injection hurt more buy pushing up and down andwiggling around, they called me a punk then left me in seclusion room.

Time two - The grenvillw pigs had unlawfully sent me to the mental institution again because they said I was sweating and needed to cool off. First it was because I was at RR tracka looking for fossils which when told I wasn't allowed there I got down by the street. Theuy interrogate for a minute and ask where I'm going. I say downtown to look at some of the stores, 2 miles max. They say I can't use the sidewalks or side of road because my health ws at risk. They pointed me to a salvation army place maybe 350-400 meters ayay. They said my story checked out and they had nothing to hold me on. I got my bag of junk back and resumed waliking where they said to go, and then I get tackled to the ground.. They said They were finished so I didbn't stay, I say fine and start walking 350-400 meters would be no big deal even with temps of `105F, it'd take a few minutes next I know I am tackled to ground and handcuffed. THey wanted to take me but never said so.. I say fine take me. They so no, your going to the ER. I get it in the car without being unpleasant. I asked where I was being take, they say hospital on other side of town and then I see the hospital but no turn is made. I said from when I was on the ground until passing hospital that They could drive me to the Salvation Army place amd that they never said i needed a ride that short. I ask 5 or 6 times after a minute where I'm being taken and what I did wrong. Finally after I screamed it at the top of my lungs they named a mental institution. They never said whar I did to showmyself legally insane or a threat tio anyone, but apparently choosing to walk 400m instead of driving makes you nutz. I gave no indication of mental issues or violence, had no weapons and believed I was following ordera. So after a short one day stay, I am kept for 5 days where te ketamin4 incident occurred.. I only told a couple of shrinks of my K ude and a bad trip. This patient had to have been given the info. His ramblings about my being dead continues He was usually normal acting.
The last day there that night two staff members got involved but I ignored it. On going home ceremony eveyone laughed ablut it and then as they were leving, he would say how he thought hey'd do better but before me told the young man/teenager that if he tried hed succeed and don't be like the guy behing you who will be cleaning toilets and serving fries all his life, so he said right in front of me that I was doomed to work menial jobs all my life then said nothing but smiledas I walked by. The conditions their were also inhumane with maybe one big room full of small cots where sleep was impossible and there was no entertainment, litle counseling or trying to figure whats wrong.

I ended up a couple weeks later for yelling about the injustice and how I'd like ti see allthe pigs die and if I was dying I would build a bomb and take there to detonate. Someone called it in even though I had no weapons or history of violence. I tried driving to that town to get everything I needed to sue such as dashcam video copies and any anudio but got llost and blew a tire. Cell phone only worked in road or very close to sometimes and even though I doubt I was ever closer than .1km the pibs believed the people who said I was jumping into trafic and suicidal, or that I posed a danger to myself, Even though I never said I was going to hurt or kill anyone they acted as if I were lying even after search turned up nothing and I pointed out how I was treated and how everyone says things unmeant. They took me to a hospital and got a court order to send me to another institution. I'll bet everyone responsible for getting me there hassaid the same kind of thing including blatant threats om anothers life without goin to jail or a mental ward. That's another week, buy now I cried all night and became more depressed by the minute with thoughts of suicide or eescape. The psychiatrist believed me when I told my story. He and another said I should be sent home but the head doc made me stay 7 days. Itmay still be effecting me as my dreams have been full of being trapped and I will turn into a bawling baybe if I go just a day without depakote/ I should sue as many of the bastards responsible as I can, especially the staff member who gave out private info of mine to another patient and the other worker who thought the joke was hillarious. Maybe also those who new what distress I
was under and my mom's grief if she thouygh I OD'd on drugs and diidn'y get the truth They need punished for not settling my mind even if they new it was probably bs. Shinks need sued and license rovoked for telling my persona; info to patients.

Maybe if I get psychotic I'll handle at mome winth risperdal and seroquel, They'd drag me kickina screaming or dead to another institution gets me.
soon to Smoke a final hit of mdpv and maybe DMT
 
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just woke up and had 25mg d-amp

off to work now with more d-amp on standby :)
 
I love doing drugs when you're tired, hopping in bed waiting for the nod to come on so you can chill for an hour or two, and then passing the fuck out before you come up U_____U :!
 
My dealer is back in town after being away for two fucking weeks, but the wait was definitely worth it.

1 and 1/2 bags of H + 15mg morphine + 4mg dilly + 5mg perc = Nod City
 
Coming down off approx. .3 - .4 of mdma. Its great stuff, not the strongest we've seen (obv), but still surprisingly nice considering whats been around. Hittin bowls and having some shots and beer. Peace!
 
home now... 50mg d-amphetamine later.... just enough to make work tolerable

chilling now, on my 4th beer about to pop 20mg valium... then some seroquel a bit later when I really want some zzzzzz
 
you been lovin the 'phets bro haha. youre makin me a little jealous actually cause im sitting on a little crystal at the moment and have been holding off until the right time. just dont go too hard on them though man:)

ill be high tomorrow morning:D for now im trip sitting my mate on temazepam which is a laugh, im almost getting a contact high
 
^
Don't be jealous, I just take the d-amp so I can actually focus and not get bored shitless at work, not really using it recreationally (though I have been at times). Will be taking it easy, won't use them again for another 4 days atleast. Lol, so funny watching people with no tolerance eating benzos, unable to open doors, getting stuck in strange places, alot of laughs all round.. lol.

Keep up the good work man, definitely save it for the right occasion, much respect for the self-control.

I'm going to go to the pub now with a mate and just have a pint or two.
 
good to hear youve got yourself in check man, moderation is the key.

we just had to make a trip down to the shop so he could get some ice cream haha. i remember i used to pass out and wake up with ice cream all over me and dripping down my chair, amongst a lot of other stupid shit like that. im glad im not addicted to them anymore, my tolerance has dropped dramatically too

his coordination is out the door and thinks hes sober when hes sitting down but goes to pieces when stands up lol

have a good one at the pub, have one for me!
 
I'm not too high. But I feel amazing right now, that's for sure. <3


It's my first time mixing benzo's with opiates, in a long time. And I forgot how well they mix together. <3
 
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