Got to add meth that I traded for Xanax/alprazolam - just enough for a night and I am glad of that as I would not want the temptation of another dose. I would not buy meth because high doses or staying up 2 nights at a lower level leaves me feeling at best unusually depressed and at worst dead inside and wishing I would die at times but I do not think I ever started getting serious suicidal thoughts from it because I knew the meth caused it and it would probably get better.
That combo of weaker stimulants had pretty well worn off by the time I smoked the meth. Now there is the nice rush with meth :D
It is definitely more euphoric than that mix but it is a similar euphoria just at a lower level. The meth feels really good

But I can get something like a shorter lived lower dose meth high feeling with those other things that you just buy as supplements.
There is not enough to take the massive doses that my brother told me to use when I was not looking to get wasted like him but he was really pushy and wanted me to "do it right". It pissed me off a little when he said he would shoot me up with a clean needle and then stuck it in his arm to give himself part of it first and I did not want to inject his blood but he kept saying he did not have any diseases and he never shared needles and then I gave in. He said he did not IV it very often when he did that but within a couple of weeks when he lived at this house he had syringes laying all over the place in the garage and there was one between some books that I did not see and the needle stuck through the nail on my right index finger. I do not know whether to tell my doctor about those incidents or not. I really do not want to talk about using drugs with them but I don't think I can just assume he was telling the truth about not sharing needles. I hope he did not have a disease and know it and do it to share that with me...
I need to get off Bluelight and try to list as many things as possible for sale on eBay while my 2,000 free listings are still good. I doubt I'll get even 100, the offer will be over way before I get to 2,000 but I can try to get the money to make my dream stash [but I am not going to spend all the money I make on drugs, so maybe if I'm lucky I can get half of the stash I am dreaming of...].
There is something I need to do on Bluelight because I was responding to a post in The Dark Side where they sound like they are in a similar type of emotional state to the one I was in before I got on Bluelight, back when I was 18 years old and they are also just 18. They had a really fucked up childhood. Says he used to be emotionally sensitive but no longer is able to feel things like love most of the time and says they've done bad things and deserve to suffer or die but I think I have probably done worse things than him and I don't know if telling him how bad I used to be and that it is possible to get back what you lost would make him feel less like he deserves that or if that would just make him feel worse. He has psychosis but from the time I was 16-18 I had psychotic depression. I was not using drugs until after I turned 18 though [first drug I tried not prescribed was HBWR seeds and the intent was to have a horrific trip that would give me the push I needed to commit suicide because I wanted it to end so bad but it took the depression away, made me nicer, and I guess opened my heart.] and he has major drug problems already. But I think he sees himself as a psychopath/sociopath and I do not believe he is because I do not think a true psychopath would find it troubling and painful that they can't feel or think they deserve to die. A psychopath only cares about themselves and feels little or no sorrow or remorse but that post just seemed so painful and I wish I could help because I see similarities with my past self. His problems are compounded by drug abuse. I said I was going to write some more and should have done that by now but I do not know what to say. I am afraid it would just make him feel worse because he told me not to feel bad about it, it was his fault and he deserved it. What can you say to that? I can't do it now because I am high on meth and that is one of his big drug problems so he doesn't need to see meth rants making him want to do meth.
Maybe it is inappropriate for me to talk about what someone else posted but I think it is okay as they posted publicly on a forum to get help. Maybe someone here might have advice to give them, I don't think I have anything useful or helpful to say and it probably is not appropriate for someone like me to try to give anyone else advice anyway. I know it is not my problem, I do not know the person but I really hope they get some kind of help. They were losing weight really fast and may die if they can't make a change.
And I see that I have ranted about something other than being high pretty much this whole time, sorry for the off-topic. I should probably delete most of the message; on the other hand it does kind of demonstrate the meth/stimulant high just by the way I keep rambling so now I will stop and go to eBay.
LSDMDMA&13035688 said:
we goin fast son
undisclosed amount of gofast
Are you talking to me? Not quite sure what you mean. A good guess I think would be the stimulant combo.
If not that, I assume you mean I am being reckless/behaving badly. I have actually reduced my level of drug use. Maybe 6 weeks ago I was mixing 2 or 3 different benzos with hydrocodone, kratom, 1,4-butanediol, Lyrica/pregabalin, cyclobenzaprine, diphenhydramine, potentiators, and often weed and occasionally beer almost every day. I'm sure I still need to reduce these combinations.
Edit:
Okay, now I think I know what you are getting at - thinking about that heavenly stash I want to build up. I guess it will take work and I know myself well enough to know if I had enough money to buy all of that now, I could not do it unless I had lots more money. If I had just enough money to buy the stash I am dreaming of, I would feel like total scum for spending all of it on drugs instead of giving part to my mom, investing some, and doing other positive things with at least half, maybe more. I am quite sure I'll have near or over $10,000 when I have broken down a bunch of junk computers and sold the scrap for gold recovery though, so in another couple of months I should be able to by that drug stash plus a few extras and still have 80% of the dough for productive things. This will be more money than I have ever had before but other than drugs, my mom can have a couple grand and most of the rest can go in the stock market. If I do as good with real money as I do with pretend money, I'll have it made. Ugh.. Sorry to gloat about that, but this is just a really good break for me and I fully expected everything to fall through and not have this opportunity just handed to me. NOW I WILL SHUT UP AGAIN
It wasn't the first time I mixed those weak stimulants but I did it at a higher dose this time. Those were wearing off when a friend brought back the glass pipe he borrowed with a good amount of meth left in it as promised, though five hours late. I kind of feel like a jerk for thinking he lied and cheated me again because he used to always do that, trade only I never get anything and I just let him do it over and over but I kind of stood up for myself some and let him know I was not going to keep being treated like that and used and now most of the time he does not do that anymore. I feel like a jerk for thinking he was lying and was not my friend.
I am not completely sure he looks at me as a friend - I really do not think anyone would actually want to be my friend if they met me but I don't know how unappealing I am to other people compared to how unappealing I am to myself. I'm trying to stop thinking things like that but when I think about what I would look like if looking at myself through the eyes of anyone around me it just seems like they would see disgusting scum