Hi Bluelighters. I'm high as fuck. I started out last night doing 30mg bumps of shitty supposedly acetone washed speed (HAH, as if) and have been augmenting with 5-10mg lines of DCK despite just posting in another thread a while back about getting bladder issues from DCK use. Fuck though, I felt last night like it took the edge off just enough... that and a few etizolam. A night of almost zero sleep later and I'm a little worse for wear and a little more pissed off that my speed isn't genuinely higher purity as advertised but whatever. Now doing lines of the stuff, dry enough, last one was 45mg, but no way is it not cut with something inert. Also did a lil 3-HO-PCP earlier, sun is shining, just to get my focus on. Had a really good conversation over text with a mate of mine that I've kind of clashed with for a while so that felt nice. Also reached out to my unrequited love who is far too good for me but fuck, she's the perfect human, I can't let her go. I mean I will obviously, she can do what she wants, we are friends, in fact, she probably just thought I sent her a nice but weird message since I didn't tell her I've been doing so many drugs all day. I would be fucking flying if it wasn't for the fact I agreed to my mate to put together some fairly simple software flowcharts before I clock off for the day, which should be no big deal, is in the realm of my ability for sure, but, fuck, how much detail am I supposed to ram into these things? Is talking about substring references flippantly too technical or not? I'd rather be doing something else but... I'm high as a kite and actually life is looking pretty damn good for once, the sun is shining, everything is probably gonna be OK whether I actually do what I said I was gonna do or not, although if I don't do it I'll feel like a bit of a degenerate lowlife who somehow thinks my responsibilities can go fuck themselves. It's hard to get the balance right of speed, dissos, and just time management I guess. 3-HO-PCP probably was a mistake to combine with amphetamine, nothing particularly special or gnarly about it except another layer of holy fuck slightly paranoid shits and giggles. Yeah, 3-HO-PCP can go fuck itself, as can this sleep deprivation, and probably the DCK discoordination. Somehow DCK feels healthier in tiny doses compared to bigger ones but fuck, if it doesn't fuck with your sleep like nothing else. I'm basically sober except that I've just made life a little bit more hilarious for myself for a day or so. I'm sure I'd be having a great time anywhere else but here. But, here is fine - here is where the wheel of reality crushes my being into the fabric of vapidity, of timewastedness, time, time on the wheel of eternity. Here I am, and there I go. I love you all. This is probably an experiment I can chalk up as a failure that no-one except me will ever know about. Reality beckons. Time rolls on. If in some distant future these words are read back by beings I cannot hope to comprehend, reanimate me please, and while you're at it, create a world in which sufferring hurts less. I'm out. Thanks for listening. Back to the construct. I love you.
