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How High Are You? v Here Take The Blue One.

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Feel sober till I stand up and try to walk, which precipitates bumping into walls, etc. Good times. :D
 
Hmm, lets see...
About half a dozen beers or so, 30-70mg diazepam (powder), 400mg CWE codeine, about 700µg 25i-nbome. Feeling pretty damn nice and chilled and cruisy :)
 
Nice and chilled just popped 40 oxy 1.5 alp, 200 mgs morphine now some loprazolam and meprobamate. Really nice. Drifting in and out of consciousness has its positives but falling asleep for the night on my couch doesnt (sleep at a bad angle, bad for my chronic injuries.
 
having a nice light night tonight. just gonna pop open a bomber of weihenstephaner hefeweissbier and enjoy some game of thrones. still coming to terms with the fact that i dont have solid connects for anything anymore :( so a little buzz will do me well.
 
Suboxone finally is off and my yesterday's morphine started working hours later... I got cyp3a4 blocked and I'm miraculously nodding.
 
the pirated version of hbo i'm using is pissing me off. solution is more beer. feel better now in exchange for worse tomorrow? why not
 
Picked up a few bags of diesel today... feel kind of bad because we ended up stiffing a friend out of the money we owed him and were supposed to pay back today, but he made me so mad a few days ago and treated me like such shit that I don't really want anything to do with him anymore. He accused me of stealing his crack after I had given him some of my own not once but twice that day, and he totally blew up on me. It was so shitty, and we had never stolen from him before or otherwise screwed him. He's just become such a grimy bastard. I suppose I'd feel worse about not paying him back if it weren't for all that and if it weren't such a menial amount of money. Anyway, that's how it goes...
 
2.4mg 25c-nbome (smoked) + 15mg 5-meo-mipt (plugged) 75mg hydrocodone, ethanol, gabapentin, temazepam, about 50mg MXE, clonazepam, loraxepam, something I don't remember the name of, and various weak sedatives.

I was being mindraped and soulraped. It felt like I was immortal and this life is my Hell and an eternal damnation that I can't get away from, something you can't escape. Maybe it was just in my head. I wish I could escape from life. I hate this fucking life. I donh't give a fuck what happens to me. I've tripped every 2 or 3 days since I got those last chemicals. I know I need to stop before it damages me but I just want to stay out of my mind forever. I try to kill my emotions but nothing helps. I watch videos of people and animals dying and being killed in horrible ways and it doesn't make death stop bothering me and it doesn't stop me from feeling bad about all kinds of bad things that just uncontrollably happen everywhere and assholes that want to make you suffer and feel miserable. It makes me feel worse and it doesn't stop my fear of death. Fuck the world. I want out of my life because I don't like it and I don't like what I see anywhere in this hellscape Earth that I want to be. That is why I am going to spend the rest of my life acquiring and using as many drugs as I can. I need to get a bunch of cannabinoids, opiates, MXE, and probably some etizolam. I need to give my brain a rest by using other types of drugs for a while. I'd probably be better off anyway. My mind feels like it is getting torn up and ground into dust. It feels really bad and my mind is streaming out like microscopic particles dissolved in a foamy layer that covers this universe and separates it from the others.

I don't give a fuck what I do as long as I stay fucked out of my skull most of the time.

Edit: I think that thing I forgot the name of is paraquat. It is this little blue sleeping pill.
 
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^ whoa and I thought that I was pessimistic, existential, apathetic, unmotivated and depressed; dude, you just took the gold medal in being absolutely miserable.

But, strangely enough, I feel like I can relate to a lot of what you're saying and how you must be feeling. If you ever need or want someone to talk to, man, please don't hesitate to shoot me a message.
 
please stay safe T*D...

tonite i have been drinking beers and smoking spliffs, nothing out of the ordinary. feels decent man.
 
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