Psychedelics have always been my favorite, but for about the last 8 years I have done opiates daily with few brief breaks, benzos daily for maybe 6 years, and the last 4 or 5 years until recently I have used fairly high amounts of opiates, very large amounts of benzos, and mixed those with large amounts of multiple downers - a couple of times accidentally going a bit far and I'll just say more than a couple of times intentionally being reckless because I just felt like "fuck it, I don't care" or "if I die, at least this life will finally be over" and I'd do the same thing with psychedelics like 25C-NBOMe at times with really high doses.
Kind of felt like getting to a more reasonable level of use was impossible even in those times when I wanted to stop it because when I reduced my dose I'd get really suicidal and I'd also start doing bad things to my body maybe to replace the high or something (cutting, burning, have quite a few needles embedded in my legs and shoulders - I can only imagine what the doctors thought about the x-rays, I went for chest pain but could barely walk the previous couple of months because I did that again and they wanted to send me away.... They don't hurt [except for a while after you do one] and apparently are fine to be left in.
One of my problems cutting back was trying to reduce my dose too fast and trying to cut down on opiates and benzos at the same time. I found if I did it slow enough and gave myself some high days it would not throw me into an intolerable state of depression.
Did not use stimulants at all until maybe 6 or 7 years ago but have been doing them more often the last year or so than I used to and I enjoy them more now than I once did. They are not my favorite thing, but I may enjoy them as much as I do opiates at least sometimes. Plan to keep stimulant use occasional, I know they make me get depressed if I use them very much.
One very high dose of meth made me more depressed for like a month - it was a huge dose though and I told my brother I'd rather save some for later but he insisted I use it all at once instead of "wasting" it by doing it wrong/not using enough to get a good high. I don't need anyone to tell me I am not using right because my dose is too low. If anyone ever wants to tell me I am doing something wrong as far as amounts go, tell me when I am using too much and I will hopefully listen since it might be for my own good. If I mention a method of dosing that is wasteful or dangerous then it's different. (Using a low dose won't likely harm me but too much might send me to the ER or morgue).
For a long time, I preferred serotonergic psychedelics over dissociatives and then switched that maybe 4 or 5 years ago. Now I may once again prefer the serotonergic psychedelics again and if not, probably like the two types about equally.
Over the last 1.5 or maybe 2 years until a couple of months ago I did not do much tripping and all I had was DXM. I took some pretty extreme doses of it and had some fucking weird trips but they did not usually have the magic of serotonergics and some other dissociatives. So this was a pretty dull period trip-wise.
There was this one trip during that time where I felt a connection to God and his love even though I felt at the time if God(s) existed, it/they must be cruel monsters. And then when it was over I just discarded those thoughts and feelings as silly rubbish which was a stupid, negative thing to do when you know you'd be happier if you could believe in the possibility of some positive higher power. Not that I tried to convince myself it wasn't possible, but I could have tried to hold on to that feeling.
I'm now back to tripping on tryptamines and phenethylamines and will be tripping on dissociatives, and my level of opiate/benzo/other downer use is to a sane level and I am soon going to try not using benzos (maybe some phenibut and Lyrica for several weeks) and see if I can stop using them more than a couple of times per week and do the same with opiates soon. Then I will be back to a similar pattern of use to where I was in my early days as a Bluelighter - but need to keep the tripping to maybe 3x/month and not 2-3x/week like I have done at times. One difference - I'll have weed and I'll use stimulants at times.
I did not try weed until 5 years ago and only once when a stranger gave me a toke on the joint when I walked in to see them passing it around in a place where that was forbidden because I started to turn around to leave so I would not get in trouble. The first drug I used other than hydrocodone that was prescribed to me was HBWR seeds. I did not start smoking weed until about two years ago because I knew no dealers/had no friends and no way to get it. Now I do that regularly, daily sometimes and if I have it I smoke it when I use strong psychedelics as weed mixes nicely with them. So weed was one of the last drugs I started using which is pretty unusual for someone who has used lots of psychedelics and has been a full-blown addict who should be dead after all the fucked up things I've done.
So it seems I spent a long time fucking up worse and worse only to start moving back toward the way I once was in regards to drug use, only now I'll have weed, stimulants, and cannabinoids in my arsenal. And I also drink alcohol regularly in moderation now, used to hate alcohol but that's because I'd drink more than I can handle without getting a hangover - usually 4 12oz beers at maybe 5.5% alcohol is my limit.
Once I can get to the point where I don't need downers and opiates daily to not feel sick, my downer use will be like it once was too. So I'll be using like I once was only with some new things and I hope enough respect for my life and concern for what my death would do to my loved ones and anyone here who would not want to see me added to the Bluelight shrine to not do things I know could get me killed/fail to do my research on new substances.
I'm well aware I've done idiotic things but most of the time I knew I was putting myself in danger, so that chapter is closed and I hope I don't go back there again. That is something I think I have changed for good but maybe I am deluding myself just thinking that cuz I'm doing relatively well right now and I will just fall apart again. I don't think so though.
Fuck, high on meth, post too long, oh well. Nobody has to read it.
only that my transition was from other drugs to sporadic opiate user 
