I'm 26 and i'm not a new drug user, but i'm only maybe 2 years into addiction thats semi-serious, as in I've never stolen or done any moral wrongs to feed my habits, but enough to stay broke and sometimes worry if I know i'm about to go without my chosen meds (suboxone/subutex, a benzo (etizolam), and normally a third consisting of weed).
Today my long await tiz shipment I've been getting monthly for the past 5-6 months is yet again not here, and I'm on my 2nd day using much less everything than normal. I tapered best I could but even 2 weeks deep in the taper I'm 1 in morn and 1 at night. I've cold turkey been without benzo 2 days, and I've been majorly depressed as I remember previous times I've been without.
Besides being just bummed the past couple of days today I woke to a heavy blanket like effect of depression that just made me feel like shit all over, including my stomach and chest. After seeing I was yet again left 24 hours without etizolam and instead got a letter saying all my income would be withheld because of child support. I switched jobs 2 months ago, and I've been letting them know whats up ever since, and even mailed off what they told me I owed. After quitting my new job for an even newer job with less hours, but higher hourly pay, and physically/mentally much more fulfilling. I'm helping people with special needs instead of lifting heavy ass boxes of wine and kegs for 12-16 hours a day. Either way after doing all I thought was necessary for the system to not fuck with me, I feel fucked with, and now after getting back from checking my tiz/mail I feel like my morning depression is so justified and just re-enforced.
Anyway yeah, I've stop posting threads on forums and stuff just because I feel so in my own bubble of misery/seclusion that I wont tell people I'm depressed so I don't have to hear the same old same old of what people do in their own lives to make themselves happy. I've never clicked/connected with that many people. While not having a shortage of friends growing up, now I am alone because while simultaneously I'm in love with the seclusion and lack of interaction I have to have people, its like I almost knowingly am giving myself mental problems that come with seclusion and drug use like benzos and opiates.
The weed I've smoked thus far has just made me feel worse, but when I'm sober I feel just as bad so I say I might as well. As long as I have bud around I'm going to talk myself into smoking it. I keep rambling too. Sorry
Today my long await tiz shipment I've been getting monthly for the past 5-6 months is yet again not here, and I'm on my 2nd day using much less everything than normal. I tapered best I could but even 2 weeks deep in the taper I'm 1 in morn and 1 at night. I've cold turkey been without benzo 2 days, and I've been majorly depressed as I remember previous times I've been without.
Besides being just bummed the past couple of days today I woke to a heavy blanket like effect of depression that just made me feel like shit all over, including my stomach and chest. After seeing I was yet again left 24 hours without etizolam and instead got a letter saying all my income would be withheld because of child support. I switched jobs 2 months ago, and I've been letting them know whats up ever since, and even mailed off what they told me I owed. After quitting my new job for an even newer job with less hours, but higher hourly pay, and physically/mentally much more fulfilling. I'm helping people with special needs instead of lifting heavy ass boxes of wine and kegs for 12-16 hours a day. Either way after doing all I thought was necessary for the system to not fuck with me, I feel fucked with, and now after getting back from checking my tiz/mail I feel like my morning depression is so justified and just re-enforced.
Anyway yeah, I've stop posting threads on forums and stuff just because I feel so in my own bubble of misery/seclusion that I wont tell people I'm depressed so I don't have to hear the same old same old of what people do in their own lives to make themselves happy. I've never clicked/connected with that many people. While not having a shortage of friends growing up, now I am alone because while simultaneously I'm in love with the seclusion and lack of interaction I have to have people, its like I almost knowingly am giving myself mental problems that come with seclusion and drug use like benzos and opiates.
The weed I've smoked thus far has just made me feel worse, but when I'm sober I feel just as bad so I say I might as well. As long as I have bud around I'm going to talk myself into smoking it. I keep rambling too. Sorry