Cosmic Mist
Bluelighter
Sometimes it feels good to bleed - i know you don't understand me when i say this, but sometimes it is the most cathartic thing in the world to bleed and realise that all your worries, griefs and fears have disappeared...
Today, above all days, i know how good it feels to bleed. I know just how happy it makes me feel to know that i have nothing to worry about anymore - the outcome is all for the best, and i can continue on with my life once more without the that terrible all-consuming fear to grip my every waking thought and squeeze them until there is no more...
I don't think many people realise how terrible the fear really is - it eats you up inside and won't give you a moment of peace. From the moment you regain conscience thought the moring after until the exact moment you lose it in the evening, and even after THAT, it plagues you unlike any petty drama life ever presented to you before. And unlike any other drama present in your life before, this time it's not all about you. Perhaps that is why it is such a deathly concern...
Yesterday i was a walking wreck - panic-stricken by the fear. I couldn't think straight, i couldn't eat. I could do nothing but worry, running myself ragged through tiny little hoops within my mind, crucifying myself for such a tiny little thing omitted, which ultimately was the object of all my mind's conternation in the moments afterward. I went through every fleshy moment in my mind, from the gentle beginnings to the messy conclusions and wished upon every wish in every fibre of my being that i could go back just 24 hours and add one tiny, tiny detail to the circumstances so that i would not be so fraught with worry... not quite so overcome by fear...
But today i am happy, and have no fear in my mind. I have never been so happy to bleed before - never realised how joyous such an ordinary occurence could be. This day, i will create no life. This day i am my own woman: happy; free; and completely without fear...
Never, until today, did i realise how good it can feel to bleed...
Today, above all days, i know how good it feels to bleed. I know just how happy it makes me feel to know that i have nothing to worry about anymore - the outcome is all for the best, and i can continue on with my life once more without the that terrible all-consuming fear to grip my every waking thought and squeeze them until there is no more...
I don't think many people realise how terrible the fear really is - it eats you up inside and won't give you a moment of peace. From the moment you regain conscience thought the moring after until the exact moment you lose it in the evening, and even after THAT, it plagues you unlike any petty drama life ever presented to you before. And unlike any other drama present in your life before, this time it's not all about you. Perhaps that is why it is such a deathly concern...
Yesterday i was a walking wreck - panic-stricken by the fear. I couldn't think straight, i couldn't eat. I could do nothing but worry, running myself ragged through tiny little hoops within my mind, crucifying myself for such a tiny little thing omitted, which ultimately was the object of all my mind's conternation in the moments afterward. I went through every fleshy moment in my mind, from the gentle beginnings to the messy conclusions and wished upon every wish in every fibre of my being that i could go back just 24 hours and add one tiny, tiny detail to the circumstances so that i would not be so fraught with worry... not quite so overcome by fear...
But today i am happy, and have no fear in my mind. I have never been so happy to bleed before - never realised how joyous such an ordinary occurence could be. This day, i will create no life. This day i am my own woman: happy; free; and completely without fear...
Never, until today, did i realise how good it can feel to bleed...
