How fucked up is my brain?

[Nerv]

Ok, So I'm really hoping some of you will read this. I started doing drugs when I was in high school mainly because my best friend did and he talked me into it.
I loved doing drugs when I did them (besides tobacco because now I'm addicted) and I would probably still be smoking weed and/or drinking if I was still living in my home state.
I currently don't do any now since I've basically been isolated here in Tx living with a family member

but anyways I'm gonna get to the point here.

I've always wondered if what I've done has fucked me up in some way or if in the NEAR FUTURE I might just wake up and be psychotic. I am super paranoid about it for a long time

Spoiler: triggering list of substances

But when I was doing drugs I did


A shitload of bakin' (which I take as harmless)

I did dxm on a rough estimate of 20-30 times. Delsyium mostly sometimes the hy vee shit brand or the robitussin gels

LSD 3 times

Shrooms 3-4 times

Huffed some miracle whip to get the Nitrous

did a whole can of air duster with my friend one night

All of the wierd K2, K3, popiourre (however you spell that) shit and some other stuff like it

2-CE I took that a couple times. Amazing the first time a living hell the second time

DMT

A synthetic shroom pill

Benadryl abuse sometimes with the cough syrup

Vivance

Molly

Valium

I'm sure thats the gist of it can't think of anything else right now but I'm sure theres some other strange things here and there.


Besides the 2-CE first time and weed every single thing I would take would end up being an anxiety trip after awhile and
I could only smoke in my own house with EVERYTHING OK late at night or I would get intense paranoia.

I notice that I have trouble thinking of things to say when I speak to people. In other words I'm kind of socially awkward. I don't really remember
if I was like that before all this. I also have strange ocd ish habits like smelling my fingers after touching everything and erasing letters when writing if the letter looks sloppy
but again I don't recall having this before or not. Somedays I feel like I might do something insane just because the crazy thought popped up in my head like slapping my manager in the face
while hes talking to me just because the outrageous thought popped up in my head and I feel almost an urge to do so. Really though, the freakiest things that happen to me now are random (but very rare) panic scenarios.

Like a couple months ago I was eating dinner with my family at a restaurant and believe it or not, the fucking table was shaking! and not thinking ahead I asked my mom "Do you feel the table shaking?" and with my moms dark humor and a shit coincidence she asks me "are you tripping?" (but I don't think my grandparents heard because they're old) but I freaked out and ran to the bathroom and the
extreme paranoia and dysphoria that hit me was like a rerun of some intense psychedelic anxiety trips I've have. So I kind of did have a mini-trip so I ran to the bathroom and freaked out in there for awhile. When I got back my mom said "oh yeah the table really is shaking" and my grandpa said something like its the wood connecting it to the wall was wearing out or something. I didn't even touch my meal I had to get a to-go box.


I've had a couple other moments like that but they're very rare.

Does anyone have any words of wisdom for my troubled soul?

Thank you for reading this I know it was long.

 

[saif1311]

Youll be fine. your just too worried. snip relax.

 

[mzbhaven]

maybe u have generalized anxiety disorder or panic attacks. could b caused by the drugs or maybe not. u should maybe go to yr Dr and let them know as there is medication u can take to help.

 

[magicstix]

After I had a bad shroom trip I was left with annoying lingering hallucinations for about 5 months and extreme anxiety afterwards. Im fine. Youll be fine. snip and if the wall and space start bending just go with the flow. Even if you have no taken any drugs and shit starts to get weird. just go with the flow and you be fine. any time you try to not go with the flow and let fear take over is when you loose.

 

[xxpurplehazexx]

I think you're fine. I do the exact same thing with letters. I'm pretty sure I have since high school.

 

[Mel22]

Yeah I disagree with pretty much every reply in this thread.

No one can tell you what you have or have not done to yourself.

What matters is what you do from here. You need to take a break from ALL drugs...a long break. You need to focus on eating a healthy, balanced diet, sleeping well, and exercising daily. This is vital.

If you are experiencing anxiety/OCD etc. that is troubling you (which you appear to be), then speaking to a psychologist may also be beneficial. Don't panic - you can most likely resolve all of this, but it is something you should address now imo and cease all drug and alcohol use if you haven't already.

Good luck.