how drugs is nothing to addicts like ourselves..

[Jabberwocky]

maybe its just me, but I think of drugs as nothing, which is a MAJOR problem. I mentioned in a previous thread, but I picked up a ANOTHER DUI on Tuesday night; spent the night in jail and felt like shit Wednesday morning which I told myself was minor withdrawals (just myself lying TO MYSELF so I would get out and use right away). so I was locked up at 12AM and finally released next day around 10PM and had to go through court and back on the street by 1PM; well, dope was in me by about 1:30PM.

so it cost me $2700 to get out and back on the street and was broke as shit, so the last 2 days I been using just bupe to get through the day; today I woke up around 11AM and took 4MG bupe, 10MG addy and .5 xanny. to me I think of that as NOTHING in a way; as long as I am not using dope I am fine, right? no, SOOO WRONG but the addict in me makes myself believe that.

anyway, I have no license and no ride and NO CASH, so I just sat in the house all day. my first drugs were taken within a half hour of waking up, which was the bupe, addy and benzo. about 2 hours later I smoked a blunt and snorted another 4MG bupe for no reason. as the day/night went on I made phone calls trying to see who would cuff me a half G of dope; I didnt see it happening so I decided to take more addy/xanny out of boredom and smoked another blunt. finally my boy calls back and said he'd spot me a half G but ONLY A HALF; so he comes by and drops it off but I realize I have no pins. I call him back and ask if he could swing back by and drop off a pin or two. well, it took 4 hours for him to make it back and I am sitting there w/ the dope in the spoon just waiting for the pin to come. I know if I sniffed it it would do ZERO for me, esp. after all the bupe I have taken that day. so I am sitting here going nuts waiting, so I take more benzo to cool me off.

finally around midnight the pin shows up and I shoot that half G within seconds after the arrival. now its 230AM and I am sitting here browsing through the message board reading about drugs, best combos, safest way to use, etc. all this because I am an addict and this is "normal" to me but to most this would be absolutely disgusting and look down upon.

do you have come across this problem often? using ALOT of drugs one day but thinking nothing about it? and to me this was a "sober" day since I did not use dope for almost the whole day; anytime I dont use dope I consider myself sober. even if I do coke, pills, alcohol, shrooms, etc. as long as its not dope I am sober, right? no, I know I am wrong but the sick/addict mine tells me otherwise. hell. I didnt even not use dope because I ended up shooting/wasting a half gram but I am not sure if I am just lying to myself or not, but I felt a good rush w/ that half G shot; thats after I took 8MG bupe 6-10hrs earlier. most people will say it was blocked but I've always used bupe and dope same day and found myself to feel both. anyone else feel this way?

oh well, figured I'd tell you my story and my thoughts. also, I am high/jammed/doped out of my face right now, so why not post on a message board, right? ha. goes to show the dope ACTUALLY did work and is making me say things I probably wouldnt be saying otherwise. oh man, what fun, fun, fun!

what is wrong w/ us?

 

[southeast]

I guess that's what addiction means but maybe this thread should be somewhere else cause I just think of it as counter culture. However, physical addiction is very serious and it sounds like its really messing with your life so get help or now that you can't drive take a break to get clean. Sorry man, sounds like hell. Addiction sucks but I don't know about anything being wrong with me cause I like drugs.

 

[Jabberwocky]

why do people worry about where the topic should be? or if something has been said like this before? lets just have a conversation rather than point me in a different direction, ha. this seems to happen on this board way too often; let's just TALK, rather than talk about where something should be spoken about, ha. always on this board but no others; then again, I am not on many other message boards but I have been in my past and I have never anything like this board when it comes to its moderators and also the people who post here. let's talk about drugs.. drugs, drugs and more drugs. not about where the topic should be, or if something was said wrong, etc.

I've been fighting w/ addiction for so many years; just wrote a blog about it. I once went about 5 years clean (weed and alcohol only) before slipping up. this was coming off an arrest that took place in 04 and did some time for it. that was before dope was part of my life as well; was just OXY 80's back then. since my slip and since my introduction to dope, ive been on a steady decline. but over the last 2-3 months I've been doing BETTER but nothing great. once had a 2G a day habit which is now down to a .5-1G. I was actually coming off 10 or 11 days CLEAN just about a week or two ago; then I went onto using and then TRYING TO STOP but deciding to to DRINK instead of shoot; well, I guess I should have stayed home and shot up cuz I wouldnt have this HUGE PROBLEM!

my last DUI/loss of license I was living w/ my GF and had her to drive me around, help me out, etc. now I am back to living solo and a family who HATES me for my drug problems and will not help w/ money or other things, so I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. asking other druggie friends for favors and money to borrow, but its not exactly easy nor should I expect much since they are also addicts. I am hoping they come through for me in a few ways but I am not expecting much; we'll see, tho.

 

[N0 W4RN1NG]

We're not all like that man. I do a lot of drugs but I would never do dope on bupe. I don't shoot up though, never have never will. I feel like if you never cross that line, life is so much better.

Hope you feel better man - try to let the bupe do it's job - delete your D man's number.

EDIT: People who tell you to move your thread are trying to help - if you put it in the right forum to begin with noone would be saying that to you. The whole point is that you might not get too many replies here - The Dark Side or Drug Culture is full of people probably going through similar things. Either way, stay up.

 

[The Doc.]

I can use bupe and dope in the same day I've done a shot of dope then an hour later realised oh shit I gotta pick up my bupe script today and take a pill in front of the pharmacist so I'll go take the bupe and just GeT higher from it no withdrawals or nothing. Same with taking the bupe first I usually still feel the dope (depending on the dose of course).

Lucky I got my act together and have only done Buprenorphine and hash since January when my last switch over to dope was so that's good. I had to cut off all connects so now I would have to find a new connect if I want to score so by the time I find one I will at least have had time to think about what I am doing instead of just being able to go to a buddy's place and pick up an 8ball or whatever.

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles man I know how it goes its a rough FUCKING battle thats for sure. Whatever happened to getting on the methadone?

 

[Jabberwocky]

We're not all like that man. I do a lot of drugs but I would never do dope on bupe. I don't shoot up though, never have never will. I feel like if you never cross that line, life is so much better.

.

just be careful, man! I once thought the same way and would read/hear others stories and think, "wow, thats sucks.. but would never be me". well, here I am and it is ME! I never thought I'd use a pin but finally the day came here I had enough and couldnt afford to take it any other way. so my gram a day habit got split into two shots rather than just a bunch of lines at once. I'd always buy a gram and blast it right away; some people break it into small lines and use throughout the day but I would need it all in one shot in order to "feel" it. but then the gram turned into 2 grams and I'd sniff one in the AM and on in the PM; well, that cost wayyyy too much! I had no idea what else to do and someone on a board mentioned I should use the pin. well, since that day I've built track marks, bumps under my skin, and other problems. never thought it would be me but here I am and it is me and I am slowly falling apart.

I cant just blame my dealer, its my fault, too. not only that but all my friends I surround myself w/ and all the people as well. when people see me they talk about drugs because they know I am an addict and its what I do/talk about. kinda sad, huh? damn, mannnnnn!

 

[southeast]

I'm so sorry, man, I wasn't blowing you off just thinking of where you may get a better response but this should keep bumping it up. I just got off opiates for the third time. It's possible. You can do it-- I would if it's separated you so much from your family and you've had jail time. Jail fucking sucks, I know. I'm so sorry you've had a hard time- there are a few feeds on here with good suggestions for easing withdrawal and I use the sober living forum for support sometimes. You can do it, if its what you want. In my experience, opiates make life incredibly hard if you don't have some endless pot of money.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I can use bupe and dope in the same day I've done a shot of dope then an hour later realised oh shit I gotta pick up my bupe script today and take a pill in front of the pharmacist so I'll go take the bupe and just GeT higher from it no withdrawals or nothing. Same with taking the bupe first I usually still feel the dope (depending on the dose of course).

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles man I know how it goes its a rough FUCKING battle thats for sure. Whatever happened to getting on the methadone?

thanks, man! and good to hear about your bupe use and how you use dope right along w/ it. I tell alot of people and they think I am nuts and wasting my dope, but I am DEF. NOT because I def. feel the dope after using the bupe. I wouldnt waste my dope if I didnt feel it. I wouldnt be writing this if I didnt feel the dope, ha.

you like bupe? I am going to methadone myself. I was using 16/MG bupe/day and it was working great for me but slipped up and kept slipping and eventually stopped showing up to my Dr. I dont know why I did that because he would have kept seeing me and helping me but I just couldnt show my face anymore; I was going in there and LYING to him saying I didnt use and I dont know why I kept pissing dirty; meanwhile I knew exactly what was happening and well aware what was GOING TO HAPPEN but kept using anyway. I was coming off about 5 months of just bupe and that was the longest I've been sober for a long, long time! I am just mad, man. I fucked up BIG and I was TRYING to do the right thing.. TRYING being KEY WORD there because I def. WASNT doing as well as I SHOULD have been.

 

[The Doc.]

Yea man that sucks I haven't used dope since January myself but it took me cutting off all connections big and small. The guy I used to work for who was bringing in kilos go arrested I heard a while back and all the other drug dealers I knew I had to take then out of my life completely yo get away from temptation.

 

[Jabberwocky]

are you on/using anything now? just dabbling and having fun? bupe/methadone? smoke weed at least? what are you on? ha. sorry for all the questions but just wondering as I read through your reply. some people are capable of getting off dopei if they want/try and others, like myself, have a fucking hard time.

how much dope were you doing? did you go to detox/rehab/etc or did you just slowly wind down and stop using? tell me more, please.

 

[The Doc.]

And I love bupe man I do about 0.3-0.5mgs every 6 hours or so and it kills my pain and gets Me buzzing pretty dam good with a doobie since being under 2mgs a day I feel like I'm popping oxys or vicodin but its only bupe and when I smoke some shatter on top whew! I feel like I did heroin for sure really takes any cravings away that'd for sure. I am not fooling myself by saying I am clean I can never refer to myself as clean at AA or anything cause of the bupe and cannabis but at least it isnt a problem in my life any more whereas the heroin was creating big problems for me. The thing I like about bupe is I can do the same dose for years without having to raise it to get better effects unlike heroin where you got nowhere to go but up I started doing a half g of heroin a day then 4 years later I was doing at least an 8 ball a day of good 70-80 percent dope. I never thought I would be lowering my tolerance to opiates cause with bupe i went from 8-12mgs a day after I just got off my 8 ball a day China white habit all the way down to where I am now at 1-2mgs a day. Thats a milestone in itself when I did heroin I could care less I just sold dope used it and thought If I die who cares you know. Looking back I think dam life sucked I had to wake up every 3 hours sick as shit sweating and puking all cold and achey all over until I did another shot of dope then I could sleep another few hours but if I had no dope on me I just wouldn't go back to sleep I would lay there awake all sick till I went to work.

 

[Lorne???]

why do people worry about where the topic should be? or if something has been said like this before? lets just have a conversation rather than point me in a different direction, ha. this seems to happen on this board way too often; let's just TALK, rather than talk about where something should be spoken about, ha. always on this board but no others; then again, I am not on many other message boards but I have been in my past and I have never anything like this board when it comes to its moderators and also the people who post here. let's talk about drugs.. drugs, drugs and more drugs. not about where the topic should be, or if something .

They worry about it because this is a specific sub-forum, with a specific purpose.

Drug Culture and The Dark Side have there purpose. We can't simply allow any post to stand, or else why bother having these sub-forums? And there is also the fact you would get more/better replies elsewhere. I know my knowledge isn't suited for this. I like talking about drugs, but that isn't exactly the purpose of this forum.

And I'm not dissing you, or even making a statement about this thread. Just answering that specific question.

 

[The Doc.]

I went to detox probably a dozen times then 2 years ago Suboxone came to Canada and they detoxed me with it in there but I relapsed and found out the detox offers a program where eyou go in there stabilise on bupe for about week then you get set up to go see a doctor licenced to prescribe bupe/methadone and I have seen the doctor they set me up ever since.

 

[N0 W4RN1NG]

how much dope were you doing? did you go to detox/rehab/etc or did you just slowly wind down and stop using? tell me more, please.

I used to do 320mg oxycodone a day - some sniffed and the rest mixed with wine and drank for absorption (at a certain point you can't sniff anymore, your nose gets too clogged. Plus Oxy has a really high bioavailability orally, especially mixed with a bit of alcohol - though that is technically dangerous and I don't recommend it)

That was like 5 years ago now - I don't do any opiates except occassionally (like a few times a year) I'll have a bit of buprenorphine. Single dose, ~2mg or so. Doesn't even get me high really but I feel super relaxed and in a good mood and pain free.

I stopped my 320mg oxy\day habit practically cold turkey, with DXM loperamide benadryl and benzos and a lot of weed. Did it for a girlfriend at the time, now an -ex. Love and the fear of losing someone who you really think is "the one" at the time can be a powerful motivator.

Took me like 2 weeks before W\Ds went away mostly - big doses of loperamide with DXM help a lot. Still have some symptoms to this day though. Pain, irritability, I don't last as long in bed as I used to.

 

[Joker11789]

I gotta say ...drugs =street pharma in ways and lots of legal big pharma is BS/sick/ends in law suits ..

so do whatever you wish but I didn't really say that ..take responsibility for everything you put in your body and you'll live how you want ...well sort of lol

I think they should legalize everything and just make it like tobacco/alcohol ...sure if coke were legal there'd be it's "evil" brother crack right? (it's how you look at it not justifying or criticizing anything/one) ...well there's already crack soooo why not have people not afraid to call the cops about ODs?

Also you'd have like alcohol you would have a ..."value"/proof/whatever system so when you buy it you'd know for sure ..sometimes your dealer doesn't even know how good or bad something's they sell are they just want the money so they break down whatever they have ...

imagine if to get drunk you had to take shots , now imagine it all had to be at once like if you need 6 shots to get drunk ..bang 6 shots in one minute or whatever literally just bang em back as fast as possible ...

now imagine you always do that with vodka ..but there's no "proof" system and you believe you take 40proof vodka (I know I know lol) .. One day you get your alcohol and it's 100proof or even 80 proof ..you just basically doubled your dosage in your one normal sitting without knowing right ..

now imagine ODing on alcohol = death and was illegal ...your friend took double what they normally do ..you don't know how to save them or if you can and you'll go to jail for possessing alcohol and using it and potentially the death or you could leave ..

see alcohol and all the legal things have the hospitals ,cops and knowledge/teachers/parents telling us since we are little about how to drink safely right ..but no one really knows what to say about drugs besides say no until you're older maybe someone tells you the truth after you've done it..

I'm not saying doing anything is good or bad I'm saying if we are free then let us do to ourselves what we want as far as "drugs" and yes driving etc laws like alcohol would follow but so would more RESEARCH/INFORMATION ect by making them legal ...

Just thinkn out loud now sorry ...hope/wish someone would see what I'm saying and why it's not so wrong ...

 

[zzITCHY420zz]

like the original poster..i feel the same way as you both..but i don't think its a good thing

 

[southeast]

@joker11789 yea, I'm with you. End prohibition, put more money into harm reduction, information access, rehabilitation, safe regulation, etc. This is the kind of research I do, so I agree times a million. And everyone who disagrees with me gets pretty frustrated with me when I say stuff about it, because I'm a repetitively relapsing heroin addict BUT nothing could be truer to me. Let me do what the hell I want, it's my body, the drug war is failing and letting us die.
I think people can get pretty affected by the negatives of addiction to not see this view. Probably a POV thing for now, but I'm with ya for sure.

 

[drewbocop]

After a 2nd+ DUI aren't you going to now be on rigid probation? Random drug testing? I got my 2nd and I can't even think about using because I can have a serious EtG/full panel at any time. You're lucky you had the funds to get out of jail in a day, I did 30 + an extra 7 days because it's fucked and still had to pay out the ass in Michigan. And went straight to rehab. No other charges other than DUI 1st either. (Lucky as fuck though over a 10+ year addiction like yours.)

 

[southeast]

I think it depends on the probation officer and dope gets out your system pretty fast. There are a lot of tricks to passing drug tests in a probation office in me and all my friends experiences. Just not drug court, don't fuck with drug court. But, a DUI? With a decent attorney you can probably get pleaded down to probation and if your officer isn't too bad you'll get away with stuff. And, alot of them do not mind bupe or even test for it.

 

[southeast]

I've been a drug addict for at least ten years and have gone to jail once for a drug charge (trafficking h) and got it dismissed. It seems about 60/40 with everyone I know, the majority of us overly cautious with no criminal backgrounds. It happens... Plenty.