• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

How do you spend your day??

zuleekha

zuleekha

Greenlighter
Joined
Mar 26, 2013
Messages
8
Location
uk
Is there anyone out there like me???????
I wake naturally, around 8-9 am - as soon as my eyes open I want to shut them again and close the world out with sleep. I'll usually have to get up for a wee but its straight back to bed, I just CANNOT get up yet. I NEED more sleep.
I'll take my meds and they sometimes make me sleep, sometimes not, but I will lie there and force myself to go back to sleep - I have arguments within me about getting up and doing something, but I just cannot get out of the bed. I live with my 22yr old daughter who works and leaves home at 10 am. She thinks I get up then, little does she know....
I sleep until 12-1.30pm, when I know I HAVE to get up to let the dog out.
I will maybe go on the laptop, read a book or watch tv - or do as little housework as I can get away with. I have NO energy. I will sit and think, think and sit as the day etches away from me.
The dog needs to go for his walk, so around 4 I will venture out for 40 mins or so so he can run about.
My daughter comes home from work at 6.30pm, so I will try to make dinner for her.
We watch tv in the evening together and chat lightly. By 10pm I am starting to feel sleepy again...
By 11 I am back in my bed and so it starts again......

I am a 50yr old woman. Spent most of my latter years on anti-depressants. I got sick in 2005 and got ME (CFS), Fibromyalgia, had a cervical neck fusion and still suffer from wearing discs in my lower spine and have arthritis there and in my right knee joint as the cartilage has worn away.
I have been divorced twice and never truly found love or had anyone love me for being just me.
I feel like my life is pointless. I am unable to work because of my symptoms and when my daughter leaves home in 4 months to go to Uni, I will be totally alone.
I have no friends and apart from the daily dog walk, only go out for a food shop every 1-2 weeks. Money is problem, living on benefits is not enough, but I don't contribute to society so why should I be entitled to anything really?
Am i alone?
Does anyone else live this way or am i just an oddball????????????
 
When I was really depressed, I would sleep in as much as possible. I think I was at the point where I was so depressed that I just did not care to get out of bed or do anything other than roll over and go back to sleep. I was like that for at least 8 to 12 months after I quit using heroin, and it took a conscious effort on my behalf to stop living my life like that.

Have you tried talking to your doctor about how you feel like you need to sleep in more after waking up?
 
I don't think that you are an oddball at all, and reading your post actually made my heart go right out there to you. You remind me so much of someone I knew once.
I'm depressed at the moment too. I doubt very much you are alone, and I reckon loads of people would relate to your post if they read it.
I don't want to come across like I am giving you advice, because that feels utterly patronising, but I do feel that I have to say that - if you want things to change, you can absolutely make it happen. Having no motivation is as you obviously know, typical when suffering with depression. It's a horrible cycle to be caught up in, but somehow, this cycle needs to be broken.
You say you take meds - have you seen anyone recently to do with medication? Because that might help.
I'm sitting here absolutely itching to say loads of nice things to you that I hope would make you feel better, but when I come to type the words they seem so foolish. I just really really hope that you find the strength to pull yourself out of this awful dark place you've sunk into. I suppose all I hope is that you really believe that you can. Because while you have hope and belief, you have the chance of making the future a happier time. I shall follow this thread with interest. I hope somebody can cheer you up, there's some great supportive people on here, and sometimes just that - just talking to someone who understands can make us feel a bit better. I don't believe in God, so I can't pray for you, but you certainly will be in my thoughts xxx:)
 
Hi zuleekha, welcome :)

I can really relate. I also have fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue. For a long time I used to have a problem where, like you, I would not be able to get up until around 1:30pm, but now I wake up at around 8am every day and simply can't get back to sleep. For a while after this started happening I would just lie in bed for a long time anyway, because I felt too exhausted to get up, but lately I've been getting out of bed pretty soon after I wake up because trying to go back to sleep but failing while lying there feeling miserable and in pain is not fun, and I don't feel any better after lying around for a few hours. I always feel exhausted and wake up with sort of a feeling of dread (hard to describe).

Have you ever had a sleep study done or been checked for sleep apnea? I am on a waiting list for a sleep study. I wish I had done that a long time ago. Feeling unrefreshed from sleep is extremely common with FMS/CFS and a lot of people seem to have sleep disorders like apnea, where treating greatly improves their quality of life. I could sleep longer back when I was on meds like opioids or benzos, but I didn't really feel more rested, I think they just increase light sleep and not the important slow-wave ("deep") sleep, plus they can also cause or worsen sleep apnea.

I know how it feels to feel like your life is pointless or hopeless and you're just surviving as opposed to truly "living". I don't really have any easy answers or solutions for you, but maybe it helps to know that you're not alone. I try to stay optimistic, take little steps to work on my physical and mental health, be grateful for the little things and try not to beat myself up. I feel like I am making a little progress even though it's of course not as fast as I like.

Do you have a good GP doctor? What about a therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist? Seen any specialists? I'm not sure what is covered by your NHS.

Hang in there <3
 
No you are definitely not an oddball and that's definitely a side of effect from depression and the other issues you are going through. Being tired all the time sucks ass, it's like every single thing you do requires some huge conscious effort
 
Using sleep as an escape and seeing the bed as a kind of "safe haven" is pretty common among those suffering from depression. I can definitely relate from my own past experiences. A lot of what you're feeling sounds like classic depression too. I don't know much about fibromyalgia or CFS so I can't comment on that aspect of your troubles.

If you haven't already seen a therapist or aren't happy with the one you have, I'd really recommend seeking one. From my experience a psychiatrist can be very useful for prescribing meds, but psychologists are much better at "talk therapy." When I suffered from depression/anxiety I saw a psychiatrist on a monthly basis and a psychologist on a weekly basis, and for me that was the ideal situation. The meds I got from my psychiatrist helped, but the more personalized talk therapy I received from my psychologist was crucial.

Establishing an exercise routine, even a very modest one, and a healthy diet in conjunction with proper therapy can really do wonders.
 
I haven't been on here much recently. No motivation or concentration skills to actually sit and read and type. Been back to my Doc who is sympathetic and quite supportive. She referred me to a psychiatrist - got appt quite quick - surprisingly. The NHS usually take months. However, after pouring my heart out and telling all - she said she neede to confer with her team of docs and phycs. She rang the following day to say they thought my meds were fine and my depression was just circumstantial!!??!! Can you believe it??? Do I have to jump under a bus before anyone will recognise my head is not right and life really is pointless for me, before I can get any help? Had another appt with pain clinic. Due to have injections in my back tomorrow and he has put me on Pregabalin. Anyone know what that is like? My doc has said it should help with my pain, anxiety and also the depression. Only thing I'm worried about is I've just lost around 46lb in weight - still a bit to go.... But one of the side effects is weight gain - shit!
I know it's not healthy but I've also bought a few grams of speed. Just to try and buck myself up and get jobs done around the house and garden. Being alone and not having any £££ means its down to me or things just never get done. When will this monotony ever end?!
Thankyou for your replies and support by the way. At least I know I'm not alone!
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top