How do you know you REALLY want to quit using drugs

[bdomihizayka]

How do you know you really want to quit drugs? I thought I did, and have been confident about living sober for so long, but I keep on getting these intense cravings- not for the drug itself as in thoughts of actually using, but it's like my body is getting excited for a drug.

Ex- I'm in my car blasting music, or playing guitar (mainly music related things) - music triggers my body to get goosebumps and hair to stand up- mind starts racing, almost like hypomania or something. I would get like that on the "chase" for drugs. Never before drugs has music done this to me- and I guess it's a trigger for something, but it's SOOOO intense.

I take it as a subconscious part of me still wanting to use. Even though all the bs I've been through and half a dozen close ODs, somewhere my mind is still wanting to use???

Then I start second guessing myself. I shouldn't be having cravings because I'm so far out from using. There's no way they should be this strong..... Am I just gonna mess up anyway sometime soon? Is all this even worth it?

None of these "cravings" involved me entertaining the thought to use- they just fill me with these sensations and are so scary.

I can't really explain.

 

[T. Calderone]

I would find music or certain songs triggering because of what I would hear while getting ready to use. Especially driving certain routes where I would cop from would bring that certain feeling. But then I would get aggravated with myself for having those feelings.

How did I know I really wanted to quit? When I had money in my pocket and KNEW it wouldn't get spent it on drugs!

 

[bdomihizayka]

Was the triggering mental, or physical? Like I can't stand these endorphin rushes/ chills/ goosebumps I get everytime I hear my music because I know it's my body getting excited and prepped for drug use. Exactly... it's very frustrating!!!! Especially when I haven't even entertained the thought about actually using drugs in MONTHS!!!!

I'm most definitely no better than anyone else for sure, but I do have a bit more to lose as I never got too "low" (yet) when I was in active use. I love money in my pocket knowing it's not going towards drugs as well- totally agree- seeing money and not equating it to a bundle, brick, or sleeve is a wonderful achivement.

I just want to know why my body is not where my mind it.....if that makes any sense?

Will it ever go away?

 

[RidingtheBrownline]

how long have you been clean OP?

 

[bdomihizayka]

A bit under a year- 10 months or so.

 

[RidingtheBrownline]

i promise these feelings are temporary and it is your addiction trying to trick you into thinking you can't do it. 10 months is great! but keep with it. my mom said it took her about 3 years to really see all of the amazing changes that had taken place.

there will be many days where your mid say "fuck it", but its not you, it is your addiction, the devil. you are stronger than that. take the right way, not the easy way. and all will be well, and when that craving passes, and you have not used, you will feel a billion times better than if you had used and are coming down or waking up the next day.

you can and will do it op. ever need to talk drop a line.

 

[herbavore]

I am wondering if by looking at it a different way it would not seem like a trigger but rather a replacement. That adrenaline rush you get from music is an example of a non-drug induced state of euphoria. Is it not enjoyable? If you take away the thought that it reminds you of the anticipation of getting high would it be simply a good sensation?

 

[Maya]

I am wondering if by looking at it a different way it would not seem like a trigger but rather a replacement. That adrenaline rush you get from music is an example of a non-drug induced state of euphoria. Is it not enjoyable? If you take away the thought that it reminds you of the anticipation of getting high would it be simply a good sensation?

I like your answer Herby, when I workout, do yoga, there's this intense feeling of happiness and feeling relaxed, it feels like the serotonin and dopamine of my brain are very happy. I guess a good example of adrenaline rush would be bunjee jumping and skydiving, That gives an amazing feeling for sure.