How do you integrate a depressing trip? (With brief trip report)

[RecoveringPothead]

Tripped on morning glory seeds about 3 weeks after a moderate acid trip with a friend that started out good but suffice it to say that the setting made it turn on me in weird ways.

The morning glory seeds brought back the bad feelings and it brought back feelings familiar to another "bad trip"

I felt this horrible heavy guilt that I'm just a drain on my parents resources making so little money and not saving it.

I felt like a hippy druggy looser waste of space.

But I was happy to feel sad. If you've been on SSRI antidepressants and stop for a few days you'll know what I mean. I cried about this girl who rejected me like 8 years ago realizing that despite what I thought I did not ever get over it.

Then I got paranoid that the antidepressants were keeping me in a robotic state easily manipulated by the powers that be.

I got this idea that what if the whole 60's counterculture thing was all an "Illuminati" or government plot and that all popular culture was an offshoot and that they have us firmly in their grip.

Shit just writing this all out is helping me integrate.

I know it taught me many important things so I don't regret it. Lessons were learned no doubt.

How does one integrate heavy stuff like this from a bad trip?

 

[Zalo]

Those sound like paranoid delusions and I wouldn't recommend dwelling on such thoughts despite how true and logical it may seem. I wouldn't worry too much about it, but if you start getting consumed by those thoughts I'd recommend seeing a psychologist. If you've been on SSRIs I'm assuming you suffered/suffer from anxiety/depression. When you're depressed it's almost "enjoyable" to indulge negative feelings. I suffered/still suffer from anxiety and sometimes when I do LSD I get depressed and anxious for a couple days after. Integration takes time, the duration depending on you, and I find that it is a process that happens as I go about living my life. I don't think it's something you can force.

 

[soaring peace]

1 - those 'negative' thoughts about your parents werent produced by the drug and they didn't come randomly from the ether. They are your thoughts that you may've been repressing for some time.

The best way to integrate them with is to take practical steps to deal with your problems and change your life.

This is one of the best features of psychs and the term 'bad trip' doesnt do it justice IMO.
I actually get the feeling you know this already :D

2 - get the hell away from conspiracy theories. The 'logic' behind them never survives serious analysis. If you've been looking at the conspiracy sites and vids on you tube you may've noticed that non believers are labeled as 'sheep' or, more laughably, accused of being paid govt trolls.
They also often tell you to expect ridicule from friends and family, this is part of the cultish nature of the whole conspiracy culture. Isolate yourself, because you're 'discovering the truth'
Its seductive and may appear to give life meaning but IMO getting too sucked into conspiracy theories will do you more harm than a hundred 'bad trips'.
Using the term 'illuminati' with a straight face is a sure sign that you need to take a step back. Maybe pick up a book and research real history and politics. Dont mean that in a patronizing way:
Knowledge is indeed power. You're just not gunna find any watching chemtrail vids or alex jones' shit :D

 

[Thorns Have Roses]

The morning glory seeds brought back the bad feelings and it brought back feelings familiar to another "bad trip"

I felt this horrible heavy guilt that I'm just a drain on my parents resources making so little money and not saving it.

I felt like a hippy druggy looser waste of space.

What trouble do you have integrating this? Your lifestyle is irresponsible and being subsidized by others, and you feel guilty over it. It's a perfectly reasonable thing, it doesn't make you a loser, or deserving of any perjorative epithets. It's easy to get so over focused on your own cares that you end up accidentally taking advantage of others financially/emotionally/etc., even though you mean no harm. Maybe it's time to take steps towards financial independence.

So much of what we want out of life, and what is meaningful varies from person to person, but one of the biggest favors you can do for yourself, and materially/financially the only idea of any merit (in this mass consumption, debt-loving society) is to be self-supporting, to be able to live off your labor, own what you have, and owe no one for leading the lifestyle you choose to. Then not only will you be free of guilt, but you'll be in a position to be more giving towards the persons and causes you value, and really have a positive impact on your personal social/communal environment.

As for the conspiracy stuff, is believing in it of any utility in your life? It sounds to me like you're just externalizing your own feelings of helplessness over your personal circumstances, and resentment towards the world at large for leading you down an empty and harmful road. However, misdiagnosing the cause of your ills isn't going to help you cure or cope with them effectively. The suggestion to study history/politics more was a good one, and may help you gain some needed perspective.