Need Help how do you guys deal?

[Jabberwocky]

I'm having a really fucking rough day. All I've been thinking about for 3 hours now is driving downtown and asking random fucking junkies for a plug so I can just get high out of my mind.

This fucking bottle of whiskey is NOT helping right now.

fuck I think I just need somebody to talk to... in a really piss poor mood right now

when I get this stressed I start hearing music in my head which is a schizo symptom I've had for awhile now. Stresses me out even more. Maybe I just need to vent....

FUCK RACISTS, FUCK COPS, FUCK ANIMAL ABUSERS, FUCK PSYCHO RETARDED CHILDREN WHO POST HERE AND ACT LIKE PSYCHO RETARDED CHILDREN (looking at myself as I write this, namely thinking of 2 people here) FUCK HAVING TO EAT FOOD, FUCK HANGOVERS, FUCK DRUGS, FUCK SLEEP, FUCK BEING LONELY, FUCK WORK, FUCK MONEY, FUCK GOVERNMENT, FUCK THAT STUPID ASS BITCH WHO CAUSED ME TO CRASH INTO HER AND HER DUMBASS BITCH OF INSURANCE IS DOING EVERYTHING THEY CAN TO NOT PAY OUT WHEN I FUCKING HAVE A WITNESS WILLING TO GIVE TESTIMONY

sorry I think I'm OK now... thanks for listening


but for real, what do you guys do when you're really stressed out and not trying to relapse?

I guess I'm gonna go for a run... bbl

 

[Branggen]

weed?

 

[PtahTek]

I come on here and spend hours reading/writing and when all is said and done I do not even want to get a plug. 90% of the time, this works for me. Before bluelight there was very little outside an emergency situation that could hold me back.

 

[Jabberwocky]

weed?

that's my weed situation.... funny thing is there are a few plants growing 50ft away from me.... long story but no weed for me right now

Either way I don't like weed as much as I used to. Used to be my DOC for awhile.... now it's just some weird psychedelic I sometimes use.... I find much more comfort at the bottom of a bottle.

ALSO MY ENTIRE FUCKING ROOM IS CARPETED IN PET HAIR!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Jabberwocky]

is it weird to listen to the same song over and over for hours?

I know I'm a bit crazy but this song is really giving me some solace right now

 

[Jabberwocky]

I'm having a really fucking rough day. All I've been thinking about for 3 hours now is driving downtown and asking random fucking junkies for a plug so I can just get high out of my mind.

This fucking bottle of whiskey is NOT helping right now.

fuck I think I just need somebody to talk to... in a really piss poor mood right now

when I get this stressed I start hearing music in my head which is a schizo symptom I've had for awhile now. Stresses me out even more. Maybe I just need to vent....

FUCK RACISTS, FUCK COPS, FUCK ANIMAL ABUSERS, FUCK PSYCHO RETARDED CHILDREN WHO POST HERE AND ACT LIKE PSYCHO RETARDED CHILDREN (looking at myself as I write this, namely thinking of 2 people here) FUCK HAVING TO EAT FOOD, FUCK HANGOVERS, FUCK DRUGS, FUCK SLEEP, FUCK BEING LONELY, FUCK WORK, FUCK MONEY, FUCK GOVERNMENT, FUCK THAT STUPID ASS BITCH WHO CAUSED ME TO CRASH INTO HER AND HER DUMBASS BITCH OF INSURANCE IS DOING EVERYTHING THEY CAN TO NOT PAY OUT WHEN I FUCKING HAVE A WITNESS WILLING TO GIVE TESTIMONY

sorry I think I'm OK now... thanks for listening


but for real, what do you guys do when you're really stressed out and not trying to relapse?

I guess I'm gonna go for a run... bbl

You attacking me and @iLoveYouWithaKnife?

 

[Jabberwocky]

You attacking me and @iLoveYouWithaKnife?

.... no has nothing to do with you bro....

talking about her and Shady.... post like psychotic 3 year olds and are obviously adults but act more like deranged children

lol man that little beef we had I already squashed it, don't flatter yourself thinking I hate you, I don't

 

[Jabberwocky]

.... no has nothing to do with you bro....

talking about her and Shady.... post like psychotic 3 year olds and are obviously adults but act more like deranged children

lol man that little beef we had I already squashed it, don't flatter yourself thinking I hate you, I don't

Well, Shady can be psychotic but I really don't see a reason to get offended by his posts.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Well, Shady can be psychotic but I really don't see a reason to get offended by his posts.

When I first joined BL he trolled my threads hard, and I fell for the bait. Well played....

but when I ask you like a fucking man to stop acting like that on my threads and he CONTINUES to literally act like a fucking child I don't give a fucking shit anymore. Fuck him. I would just ignore him but don't even want to click that button, would rather just channel my negative energy into him and his fucked up life.

Makes fun of me for not owning a home and then fucking acts like a child and says stupid ass shit...... FUCK HIM.

there is a very fine line between expert trolling and truly childish psychotic behaivor

he's no troll, just retarded and has graduated to my new scapegoat

 

[Jabberwocky]

When I first joined BL he trolled my threads hard, and I fell for the bait. Well played....

but when I ask you like a fucking man to stop acting like that on my threads and he CONTINUES to literally act like a fucking child I don't give a fucking shit anymore. Fuck him. I would just ignore him but don't even want to click that button, would rather just channel my negative energy into him and his fucked up life.

Makes fun of me for not owning a home and then fucking acts like a child and says stupid ass shit...... FUCK HIM.

there is a very fine line between expert trolling and truly childish psychotic behaivor

he's no troll, just retarded and has graduated to my new scapegoat

Which one i am of your 2 troll definitions?

 

[Jabberwocky]

Which one i am of your 2 troll definitions?

You're just another freak in the freak kingdom... like me

I think(?) we're friends

 

[Jabberwocky]

You're just another freak in the freak kingdom... like me

I think(?) we're friends

Inshallah.

 

[cosmic charlie]

Bro you really need to stop drinking with your liver situation. Get really worried everytime I read about your going back at it, addiction sucks I know how it is. You gotta try and take psychedelics mostly and stick with that it's what I'm doing to stay away from FentaDope its working, I still get cravings but I'm dealing best I can. Really hope you can stop soon man my father died from liver failure/cancer due to alcoholism, it's a really painful way to go. Not that anyway is ideal, this is a serious situation as I'm sure you are aware and I'm a drug addict also and I'm not judging you in anyway. Just very concerned and I hope you get better Snafu, thankfully the liver is able to heal itself unlike most organs so please stop before it's too late.

LVe & Lite

 

[BK38]

Bro you really need to stop drinking with your liver situation. Get really worried everytime I read about your going back at it, addiction sucks I know how it is. You gotta try and take psychedelics mostly and stick with that it's what I'm doing to stay away from FentaDope its working, I still get cravings but I'm dealing best I can. Really hope you can stop soon man my father died from liver failure/cancer due to alcoholism, it's a really painful way to go. Not that anyway is ideal, this is a serious situation as I'm sure you are aware and I'm a drug addict also and I'm not judging you in anyway. Just very concerned and I hope you get better Snafu, thankfully the liver is able to heal itself unlike most organs so please stop before it's too late.

LVe & Lite

Was just thinking the same thing. Addiction is such a bitch of a mistress, but she will fuck you up. The repercussions from chronic alcohol abuse are terrible. Take care of yourself @SnafuInTheVoid . I appreciated the stuff you wrote after you got a scare with your check up.

 

[Jabberwocky]

@Cosmic Charlie @BK38

Thanks guys, I'm well aware. I wish it was a simple as just giving up the booze but it's literally 10+ years of heroin addiction boiled down to my alcohol habit.... kicking booze is like kicking both it fucking sucks ass.... seriously considering buying some methadone right now with zero opioid tolerance or use because I think it might be a better option right now

I'm fucking tired and sick right now, literally and figuratively.

I desperately want to go to rehab again but I have no health insurance, can't pay out of pocket and I haven't lived in this state long enough to qualify for state assistance.... I'm waiting on a response for my medicaid request.... but right now I'm just slipping through the cracks and killing myself

I'm gonna cry again, not the first time today, feeling particularly pathetic today

so tired

 

[BK38]

@Cosmic Charlie @BK38

Thanks guys, I'm well aware. I wish it was a simple as just giving up the booze but it's literally 10+ years of heroin addiction boiled down to my alcohol habit.... kicking booze is like kicking both it fucking sucks ass.... seriously considering buying some methadone right now with zero opioid tolerance or use because I think it might be a better option right now

I'm fucking tired and sick right now, literally and figuratively.

I desperately want to go to rehab again but I have no health insurance, can't pay out of pocket and I haven't lived in this state long enough to qualify for state assistance.... I'm waiting on a response for my medicaid request.... but right now I'm just slipping through the cracks and killing myself

I'm gonna cry again, not the first time today, feeling particularly pathetic today

so tired

I know what it's like, I mean, I was also an opiate addict for 8 years, 3 on heroin, so I get it. Clean off the H for 8 years. It's hard but so worth it dude, but it's so hard to see when you're near the starting line. There's no shame in crying and letting it out.

It sounds like your situation isn't ideal with health care and stuff, but is there a way you could taper with the booze? Maybe get some therapy online perhaps? I found working on mundane stuff and doing exercise just to keep me occupied helped a lot.

A couple quotes that have helped me:

"If you're going through hell, keep going." - Winston Churchill

"The cure for the pain is in the pain." - Rumi

I'm not a big AA/NA guy, nor am I religious, but I do find the serenity prayer helpful at times: "Grant me the serenity to accept things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference." I have said that many times, crying, dopesick and hating myself and cursing life as I lay on cold concrete. It helps ime.

Keep your head up man.

 

[Jabberwocky]

@SnafuInTheVoid and @DeadManWalkin' please keep bickering out of H&R

i'm sorry you're having such a hard time of it snafu. can you hit a meeting or something? i spent like 3 months trying not to score before caving and getting a dark earlier this year. tbh i just kept promising myself, 'just make this walk home (my danger zone) and you can score tomorrow' hoping that things would be comparatively better. somehow being allowed to do it, just not now, was more bearable. the dark was shite when i did get it though didn't do what i wanted at all.

if you're anything like me methadone will put you straight on dark. honestly, a worse high but already a strong opiate, so you have already crossed that line but not got what you wanted.

 

[Jabberwocky]

@SnafuInTheVoid and @DeadManWalkin' please keep bickering out of H&R

i'm sorry you're having such a hard time of it snafu. can you hit a meeting or something? i spent like 3 months trying not to score before caving and getting a dark earlier this year. tbh i just kept promising myself, 'just make this walk home (my danger zone) and you can score tomorrow' hoping that things would be comparatively better. somehow being allowed to do it, just not now, was more bearable. the dark was shite when i did get it though didn't do what i wanted at all.

if you're anything like me methadone will put you straight on dark. honestly, a worse high but already a strong opiate, so you have already crossed that line but not got what you wanted.

I'm sorry. I thought this was a lounge post.
Anyways, Snafu's a good guy and we have little fun sometimes. We'll keep going on PM's.

 

[Jabberwocky]

@Cosmic Charlie @BK38 @Shady's Fox @Coffeeshroom @DeadManWalkin' @chinup

Thanks for the words guys. It gives me some weird sad sense of comfort that there just might be some weirdo's on the internet that might actually give a shit about my well being.

I went for a jog (ever been on a jog after downing 1500ml of liquor?.... you sweat... A LOT). Took a shower. Went out and got some comfort food (chicky nuggies). Bought an oz of kratom and 2 tallboys. Wish I could just cold turkey but I know I'm going to need these later tonight for any chance at sleep,

Anyways, I've calmed down a lot not so pissy and distraught. Already feeling 100x better. Don't feel like seeking heroin out tonight.

Btw, this goes without saying, but no matter how much you love LSD it's NEVER a good idea to randomly decide to take it at 1am drunk off your ass with absolutely no plan, rhyme or reason..... Man LSD comedowns can be brutally introspective sometimes, almost moreso than mushrooms. Passing out drunk then waking 2 hours later wondering why you're feeling so funny and why you're on the fucking floor is not a good way to start a trip.... lol I can be a real dumbass sometimes.

Anyways, thank you to anyone who might give the slightest of shits about me. I seem to have these very predictable mental breakdowns about once per month.¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Also sorry to Shady and ILYWAK.... was a real dickhead today. Public apology. We'll talk it out in PMs if anything.

thank you... you beautifully freakish strangers I've never met
-snafu

 

[Jabberwocky]

recognising that you have predictable breakdowns should enable you to plan for them and put coping mechanisms in place for when they hit. do you have people irl you can just go and waste time with for distraction when you feel like that?

god jogging after any booze sounds horrendous!!!