bennyZA
Bluelighter
He will not check it out. He doesn't care.
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OD Moderators: Keif’ Richards | negrogesic
Harm Reduction How Do You Get an Addict Friend To Appreciate Harm Reduction
- Thread starter bennyZA
- Start date
mrflowers00
Ex-Bluelighter
show them this site
bennyZA
Bluelighter
Whenever I put him in from a of a computer he just wont stare at the screen and walk away.
bennyZA
Bluelighter
Ugh, I got so fucked up last night... first time getting really fucked in months. I think he heard through the grain vine. So now I've lost credibility, and I'm too fucked to help him even though its weed.
HR advice: Flurazapam + Ativan + Ambien + modafinil = intense disassociation, fun, bu it got weird when I started talking to my friends
- When fucked up, don't talk on BL. OMG I can barely still and barely type
HR advice: Flurazapam + Ativan + Ambien + modafinil = intense disassociation, fun, bu it got weird when I started talking to my friends
- When fucked up, don't talk on BL. OMG I can barely still and barely type
bennyZA
Bluelighter
I gotta show him the ropes so he atleast has has narcan.
I kinda fucked my selfed up, by my self, last night. I too so many ativan, like 6. Then I took 20 flurazapam. Then a few ambien. I woke a few times, but I actually got sleep last night. Today, this has taken me 10min, at least. OMG my head is spinnnin and all I want to do it lay down but fiends and coworker need me, oh man. They're chill, but some people. C0+workers will def find out
a
20 min to write this now...
I kinda fucked my selfed up, by my self, last night. I too so many ativan, like 6. Then I took 20 flurazapam. Then a few ambien. I woke a few times, but I actually got sleep last night. Today, this has taken me 10min, at least. OMG my head is spinnnin and all I want to do it lay down but fiends and coworker need me, oh man. They're chill, but some people. C0+workers will def find out
a
20 min to write this now...
dopemegently
Bluelighter
I messed up too; took far too many rc benzo's, and acted like a drunk man-eyes blurring, dizzy, slept like the dead for 14 hours. It was my 4th day taking them so running into risky territory re addiction. (Partly the reason I took my entire supply, so I wouldn't have any left....
Do you have needle exchange programs where you live btw? Over here they do them in some mmt clinics; they'll fill a big bag full of all the hr kit you'd need.
Do you have needle exchange programs where you live btw? Over here they do them in some mmt clinics; they'll fill a big bag full of all the hr kit you'd need.
bennyZA
Bluelighter
I'm so unbelievably disappointed with myself. All day, I could barely walk. I could talk all normal, but I couldn't move from point A to point B without people finding out, I looked really drunk. How can I go help him now? I'm so, so ashamed that I kinda want to get some H, if I can find any ECP... This is the first time in months that I've been reminded how fucked up my addiction can be. Shit, I forgot to add that I drank 1/2 a bottle of wine. I could have easily died. Goddamn benzo's making me want to do more benzo's... Fuck me. Fuck me.
My friend, who I've been trying to get him do less reckless things, take care of himself, and stop using. Now his guide though all this has revealed his true nature. He's never going to take me seriously. I obviously went about my binge with no concept of HR. I still can't let him go to hell... but, maybe there's no chance at getting better and I should just get back on the ride![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
If this kinda fucked up situation happened after not doing any recreational opiate or benzo for 3 months, the longest time, maybe I don't have it in me. Maybe this life is what I'm made for.
My friend, who I've been trying to get him do less reckless things, take care of himself, and stop using. Now his guide though all this has revealed his true nature. He's never going to take me seriously. I obviously went about my binge with no concept of HR. I still can't let him go to hell... but, maybe there's no chance at getting better and I should just get back on the ride
If this kinda fucked up situation happened after not doing any recreational opiate or benzo for 3 months, the longest time, maybe I don't have it in me. Maybe this life is what I'm made for.
bennyZA
Bluelighter
I met up with my addict friend I've been talking about. Oh, well, he's never going to study HR. The way I got fucked up 2 nights ago was so dangerous, he pretty much laughed at me. Whats the point when users immersed in HR do incredibly dangerous stuff without considering any form of HR before. Well, this whole problem is over. He wont take me seriously, he now thinks HR is bullshit, and if I stay I'll be doing H within the week.
I guess this is an example for why I shouldn't forget to take care of myself...
Fuck this shit is making me really depressed.
I guess this is an example for why I shouldn't forget to take care of myself...
Fuck this shit is making me really depressed.
dopemegently
Bluelighter
Sorry you feel that way, Benny. I have to say, you're friends attitude sounds kind of dumb for refusing to take your advice because you got fucked up one time; that sounds downright idiotic to me, to be honest.
Harm reduction isn't some kind of moral principal or recovery program type of deal; it's the logical things we do to minimise potentialy harmful drug-using behaviour. Would your friend willingly share needles with a HIV-infected person? I'm guessing not-that would be a very dumb thing to do, and guess what? That's a form of harm reduction.
On a side note, don't let guilt fuck with you're head; it's a useless emotion, and the fact you said your guilt made you contemplate scoring is very worrying. We're only human, after all. I've fucked up too, by using RC benzo's lately, and by using phenibut far too often. Am I worried about this? Yeah; I really don't need another addiction in my life right now. Am I feeling guilty? No. Feeling guilt for using implies that you've done an immoral thing, and I refuse to accept using a drug is immoral. It can just be very risky, if you're in recovery.
Harm reduction isn't some kind of moral principal or recovery program type of deal; it's the logical things we do to minimise potentialy harmful drug-using behaviour. Would your friend willingly share needles with a HIV-infected person? I'm guessing not-that would be a very dumb thing to do, and guess what? That's a form of harm reduction.
On a side note, don't let guilt fuck with you're head; it's a useless emotion, and the fact you said your guilt made you contemplate scoring is very worrying. We're only human, after all. I've fucked up too, by using RC benzo's lately, and by using phenibut far too often. Am I worried about this? Yeah; I really don't need another addiction in my life right now. Am I feeling guilty? No. Feeling guilt for using implies that you've done an immoral thing, and I refuse to accept using a drug is immoral. It can just be very risky, if you're in recovery.
QUARE
Bluelighter
Print the first post of this thread, http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/...ation-MEGATHREAD-and-FAQ-II-show-me-the-blood
Get him to read at least the important section of it, at least he will know how to IV correctly.
Get him to read at least the important section of it, at least he will know how to IV correctly.
Mr.Scagnattie
Bluelighter
I'm so unbelievably disappointed with myself. All day, I could barely walk. I could talk all normal, but I couldn't move from point A to point B without people finding out, I looked really drunk. How can I go help him now? I'm so, so ashamed that I kinda want to get some H, if I can find any ECP... This is the first time in months that I've been reminded how fucked up my addiction can be. Shit, I forgot to add that I drank 1/2 a bottle of wine. I could have easily died. Goddamn benzo's making me want to do more benzo's... Fuck me. Fuck me.
My friend, who I've been trying to get him do less reckless things, take care of himself, and stop using. Now his guide though all this has revealed his true nature. He's never going to take me seriously. I obviously went about my binge with no concept of HR. I still can't let him go to hell... but, maybe there's no chance at getting better and I should just get back on the ride
If this kinda fucked up situation happened after not doing any recreational opiate or benzo for 3 months, the longest time, maybe I don't have it in me. Maybe this life is what I'm made for.
You do have it in you man, but you can't hang around constantly with heavy drug users and then wonder why you went on a bender yourself..
If you really want to get clean you're going to have to realize you can't help anybody else and that it's not your job to try.. all you're doing is putting yourself at risk and this was the outcome. The same thing is going to keep happening unless you stop associating with these people, especially this friend your futilely trying to save.
bunge
Bluelighter
From my own experiences (not with H, like you benny I have other DOC) I can say that mr scagnattie is right regarding needing to save yourself.
Your friend is on a sinking ship and unless you strike out for land now, you will go down with him.
I can understand that you feel some responsibility towards your friend and that hes helped you in the past but just by reading the progression of your posts in this thread I can see that the stress and guilt you feel over this situation is dragging you back into a bad lifestyle.
Make him a kit up of HR items and info, get him some narcan and tell him if he ever decides to help himself then you will be there to help him with your support.
Be sure to tell him that your saying this BECAUSE hes your friend and you love him but you need to look after your own safety and sanity.
You can save a drowning man but only if they want to be saved, or you put yourself at risk aswell.
Ive read your addiction stories in the addiction thread so have some idea of the kind of drug use you have had to beat, please dont throw away all that hard work because of guilt over anothers actions. None of us want to see another new addition to the Bluelight shrine and recovery is the most dangerous time for an addict.
Your friend is on a sinking ship and unless you strike out for land now, you will go down with him.
I can understand that you feel some responsibility towards your friend and that hes helped you in the past but just by reading the progression of your posts in this thread I can see that the stress and guilt you feel over this situation is dragging you back into a bad lifestyle.
Make him a kit up of HR items and info, get him some narcan and tell him if he ever decides to help himself then you will be there to help him with your support.
Be sure to tell him that your saying this BECAUSE hes your friend and you love him but you need to look after your own safety and sanity.
You can save a drowning man but only if they want to be saved, or you put yourself at risk aswell.
Ive read your addiction stories in the addiction thread so have some idea of the kind of drug use you have had to beat, please dont throw away all that hard work because of guilt over anothers actions. None of us want to see another new addition to the Bluelight shrine and recovery is the most dangerous time for an addict.
InHerOwnWrite
Bluelighter
I can appreciate that this is a very good friend of yours, but for your own sake AND his i think you should separate yourself from him for a while. Get yourself sorted out so you're comfortabld with your drug use or your abstaining from drugs, then check in on your friend and see what you can do from there. Don't worry about your credibility with him for the moment, just try to take care of yourself first.
dopemegently
Bluelighter
It reminds me of a line of dialogue on the wire; when crabs are in a bucket, occasionaly one of them will attempt to escape, and get close to making it out of there, but then one of the other crabs will grab the escapee, and snatch it right back into the bucket; it can be the same with your hardcore drug-using friends, when they're in a serious, chaotic habit, they can be like a fucking vortex, sucking as many people into their drama as they can; they don't like to see people "escape", because it reminds them of how badly they're doing. I only say this because I've been that person myself; I've "created" many junkies in the past, and I have to live with that guilt which is only right.
So, I'd say forget past friendship-a serious addiction will make that completely irrelevent; this bloke sounds bad for you, like a serious jeopardy to your progress. I would break contact with him, forget HR and trying to help him, some people just don't want to be helped. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but it's just the way I see it based on past experience.
So, I'd say forget past friendship-a serious addiction will make that completely irrelevent; this bloke sounds bad for you, like a serious jeopardy to your progress. I would break contact with him, forget HR and trying to help him, some people just don't want to be helped. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but it's just the way I see it based on past experience.
bennyZA
Bluelighter
My friend can go fuck himself. He's trying to turn this shit on me now. He thinks this shit is a joke. He doesn't realized how ashamed and embarrassed I am cause I relapsed, he's giving me a hard time, telling me what I did wasn't that bad and that I should chill DO MORE, and that I've become a 'pussy' that I'm 'soft.'
Well, I went off on him. He's a goddamn joke and I said it to his face. He needs to wake up and look in a mirror, if he even has one. I mean, the dude has a trust fund and he lives in the hood cause he wants to live in a tweaker pad. That way he can do drugs and get fucked up, fuck his apt up, party all night, etc. He also wanted it so he could practice his graffiti indoors... When he was doing meth he would do the stupidest shit, he would graffiti everything and then re-paint the walls, over and over again. I kid you not, he even started welding sculptures in his living room. Oh and of course he never left after painting, he inhaled those fumes like it was his job. I love the guy, and in no way is/was my lifestyle much better. But to call me a joke cause I fucked up once...
I hate talking so much shit about him, but goddamn. I'm gonna check up on him in a week or so. We'll see
Well, I went off on him. He's a goddamn joke and I said it to his face. He needs to wake up and look in a mirror, if he even has one. I mean, the dude has a trust fund and he lives in the hood cause he wants to live in a tweaker pad. That way he can do drugs and get fucked up, fuck his apt up, party all night, etc. He also wanted it so he could practice his graffiti indoors... When he was doing meth he would do the stupidest shit, he would graffiti everything and then re-paint the walls, over and over again. I kid you not, he even started welding sculptures in his living room. Oh and of course he never left after painting, he inhaled those fumes like it was his job. I love the guy, and in no way is/was my lifestyle much better. But to call me a joke cause I fucked up once...
I hate talking so much shit about him, but goddamn. I'm gonna check up on him in a week or so. We'll see
dopemegently
Bluelighter
Yeah, it sounds like he's really trying to pull you into his lifestyle. Associating him could be a disaster zone for you right now; it sounds like you're feeling low and guilty over your recent slip up- that's your classic weak spot right there; it doesn't take much more than a spot of guilt for the fucker we call addiction to slip it's tentacles into you, and associating with somebody in the middle of a serious habit could really enable a relapse. I'd say the bloke could be a walking trigger, if past experience is anything to go on.
So your perfectly in the right by saying "fuck it"- it'd be good to get some perspective, but more importantly, to get strong again.
So your perfectly in the right by saying "fuck it"- it'd be good to get some perspective, but more importantly, to get strong again.
limonov
Bluelighter
I've been in similar situations...I know how fucking hard it is to be torn between your longterm friendship with someone and the reality of the current situation. But, to be brutally honest, you have to be selfish- you have to think of yourself first and put your own interests first.
What Dopemegently said about crabs in a bucket pulling down anyone who does try to make a break for freedom is absolutely true...if he's on the road to hell you shouldn't feel like you need to accompany him. We all make our own decisions, we are all responsible for our own actions.
I don't think you need to feel guilty- when you strip everything back to it's very core you're worried about a mate, you're worried that something's gonna happen and you're gonna be attending his funeral, getting the shit-eye from his family. You don't need to apologise for not wanting a good friend to fuck up their life or even lose it.
It sounds like your friend is, to use an old dopefiend cliché, a 'hope-to-die' junkie. Some people are just addicted to doing incredibly risky shit- most junkies after a good shot are satisfied, they don't want anything, even more drugs...a 'hope-to-die' junkie is gonna be prepping another fat shot as soon as the nod clears enough for them to cook up another shot. And as tragic as it is, there's really not a lot that you can do about people like that.
Putting some distance between you two is probably for the best- you just need to make it clear that regardess of what he thinks (re: 'you're just a pussy') you're sole motivation is making sure that he doesn't hurt/kill himself needlessly. If he can't wrap his head around that then he obviously doesn't want friends who care about him, he just wants friends who are gonna enable his behaviour.
Also don't beat yourself up for getting wasted- that seems to be the point that your friend seems to be missing, that when you get that fucked up you SHOULD feel a bit guilty/ashamed because it's dumb, reckless behaviour. And beyond that it's completely unnecessary- no one needs to risk their life for a high as long as you follow some basic HR 'rules'.
It's like people who REFUSE to always use a fresh needle here- the needle exchanges are the ONLY liberal thing about drugs here in New Zealand, they're highly available and free (if you walk in) or dirt cheap (if you use a vending machine)...so there's just no excuse not to always use a fresh rig every time. Even if you're on the meth bender from hell, they will give you 5 boxes of 100 barrels if you just ASK! If you get hep C from sharing in New Zealand (particularly sharing barrels, people use clean needles but share a fucking barrel! WTF!!) you not only probably deserve it, you probably begged for it.
He has narcan and your friendship (in the wider sense)- balls in his court now.
What Dopemegently said about crabs in a bucket pulling down anyone who does try to make a break for freedom is absolutely true...if he's on the road to hell you shouldn't feel like you need to accompany him. We all make our own decisions, we are all responsible for our own actions.
I don't think you need to feel guilty- when you strip everything back to it's very core you're worried about a mate, you're worried that something's gonna happen and you're gonna be attending his funeral, getting the shit-eye from his family. You don't need to apologise for not wanting a good friend to fuck up their life or even lose it.
It sounds like your friend is, to use an old dopefiend cliché, a 'hope-to-die' junkie. Some people are just addicted to doing incredibly risky shit- most junkies after a good shot are satisfied, they don't want anything, even more drugs...a 'hope-to-die' junkie is gonna be prepping another fat shot as soon as the nod clears enough for them to cook up another shot. And as tragic as it is, there's really not a lot that you can do about people like that.
Putting some distance between you two is probably for the best- you just need to make it clear that regardess of what he thinks (re: 'you're just a pussy') you're sole motivation is making sure that he doesn't hurt/kill himself needlessly. If he can't wrap his head around that then he obviously doesn't want friends who care about him, he just wants friends who are gonna enable his behaviour.
Also don't beat yourself up for getting wasted- that seems to be the point that your friend seems to be missing, that when you get that fucked up you SHOULD feel a bit guilty/ashamed because it's dumb, reckless behaviour. And beyond that it's completely unnecessary- no one needs to risk their life for a high as long as you follow some basic HR 'rules'.
It's like people who REFUSE to always use a fresh needle here- the needle exchanges are the ONLY liberal thing about drugs here in New Zealand, they're highly available and free (if you walk in) or dirt cheap (if you use a vending machine)...so there's just no excuse not to always use a fresh rig every time. Even if you're on the meth bender from hell, they will give you 5 boxes of 100 barrels if you just ASK! If you get hep C from sharing in New Zealand (particularly sharing barrels, people use clean needles but share a fucking barrel! WTF!!) you not only probably deserve it, you probably begged for it.
He has narcan and your friendship (in the wider sense)- balls in his court now.
Mr.Scagnattie
Bluelighter
Yeah, drop that dude. I've had many friends and loved ones leave my ass when I was in a deep spiral, just destroying everything in my path.. at the time, I was pissed and felt betrayed, but once I finally got some clean time and realized how much of a piece of shit I was, I completely understood why they left.
I wouldn't worry about talking shit about him on this forum, its all anonymous (basically) and writing it out here is good for venting and isn't make a difference in what's going through your mind.
I know a little earlier in this thread I mentioned someone who I tried to help only to be screwed around with so I said F it and stopped answering his messages. Well I have another friend who is a closer buddy of mine who uses that guy to get his hands on things about 1-2 times a week. I was informed the dude has incentive from the dealer to drive up orders on my closer buddy to profit much more(on top of the just a "finder's fee"), so I told him because honestly the other dude is a scumbag with money. My good buddy then bitches at him about and the other friend turns it on me and starts accusing me of lying about things I know 100% are facts and claiming I am telling people he uses dope(which at most is the 1 person involved, who already pretty much knew and regardless knew the dude wasted all his money on oxy 30s if not dope). Honestly I could care less but the dude is one of the people who drugs completely changed to the point where I won't deal with him. He was one of the nicest guys, honestly he still is or at least acts that way, but I wouldn't trust him to pay back a dime. Its to a point where people aggravate me so much and I find no incentive to deal with anyone aside from my guy, get my stuff and that is it. Just trying to help people out once and I'm either losing money or being made to look like a jerk.
Some people just get so absorbed by the drugs and satisfying themselves, its all they care about. OP, your buddy has one concern, that is satisfying himself, and he obviously wants you to join him because that'd be funner for him. But clearly you don't want to go down that path and he's a selfish person who could care less and just wants someone with him to make things more enjoyable. It just gets to a point where people are delusional. Its like they can actually believe their own lies because they do it so often and they sort of want to believe them.
I know a little earlier in this thread I mentioned someone who I tried to help only to be screwed around with so I said F it and stopped answering his messages. Well I have another friend who is a closer buddy of mine who uses that guy to get his hands on things about 1-2 times a week. I was informed the dude has incentive from the dealer to drive up orders on my closer buddy to profit much more(on top of the just a "finder's fee"), so I told him because honestly the other dude is a scumbag with money. My good buddy then bitches at him about and the other friend turns it on me and starts accusing me of lying about things I know 100% are facts and claiming I am telling people he uses dope(which at most is the 1 person involved, who already pretty much knew and regardless knew the dude wasted all his money on oxy 30s if not dope). Honestly I could care less but the dude is one of the people who drugs completely changed to the point where I won't deal with him. He was one of the nicest guys, honestly he still is or at least acts that way, but I wouldn't trust him to pay back a dime. Its to a point where people aggravate me so much and I find no incentive to deal with anyone aside from my guy, get my stuff and that is it. Just trying to help people out once and I'm either losing money or being made to look like a jerk.
Some people just get so absorbed by the drugs and satisfying themselves, its all they care about. OP, your buddy has one concern, that is satisfying himself, and he obviously wants you to join him because that'd be funner for him. But clearly you don't want to go down that path and he's a selfish person who could care less and just wants someone with him to make things more enjoyable. It just gets to a point where people are delusional. Its like they can actually believe their own lies because they do it so often and they sort of want to believe them.