Harm Reduction How Do You Get an Addict Friend To Appreciate Harm Reduction

[bennyZA]

Yea, this is a fucked up situation. I can't get him out of my mind. He's probably just sitting on his couch right now nodding out in front of some day-time TV. At least when we used to use together, we would do fun stuff. We would actually go places and do stuff, and we would do 'fun' drugs, like MDMA. Now he just sits there. If I was using, we'd probably keep doing fun shit together, probably how he thinks.

I can't imagine things getting better any time soon, TBH. The guy never has to worry about money, or supply, so what is going to convince him to stop. The way it affects everyone else is obviously not a good enough reason for him.

 

[bunge]

Ireally feel for you on this, mate.
Ive seen lots of friends go the same way, where the only thing that matters to them is getting high and you cant even interest them in eating a decent meal, forget about HR!.
The only other thing I can think of is to speak to his family, if his family are unknowingly paying for this addiction through a fund then they might be able to exert some pressure on him.
Of course this is a last option sort of deal (like the nuke option) as it would seriously damage your friendship but...if things are that bad that hes on a swift path to death, well id much rather have my mate pissed at me, then dead.
Either way mate, just remember that your health and well-being come first; thats not selfishness just being sensible.

 

[tricomb]

Take them to your local Intensive Care Unit and explain your situation to the nurses. This did it for me.

 

[dopemegently]

Where I live, our gp's and hospitals don't like treating addicts, instead we're referred to drug agencies. There is help, but funding is tight; specialized addiction therapy is quite rare-treatment would involve no more than a long term bupe or meth script, plus on average a one hour session with a counsaler per month. It's not much, but it's help. It may be different where you are, though.

But then it all comes down to the nature of the beast; this guys out there getting high, it's more than likely he dosen't want to stop, and the simple fact is you can't force somebody into treatment (it has been known to happen through court orders, but rarely works; It only works if it's a choice.

That's the poison of addiction; it's like they're determined to destroy themselves, and it's fucking tragic for the family and friends, who have to witness the people they love do this shit to themselves. I've known addicts that have what only can be described as a death wish.

 

[Mr.Scagnattie]

Yeah it doesn't seem like he has any intention on getting clean.. especially if it's as you say and he has a ton of money.. that's super dangerous.

A lot of people end up with a big incentive to get clean because they are broke and spend most of their time dope sick trying to hustle for cash.. but if you have an endless supply of cash... it's really hard to find a reason to quit.

 

[bennyZA]

A lot of people end up with a big incentive to get clean because they are broke and spend most of their time dope sick trying to hustle for cash.. but if you have an endless supply of cash... it's really hard to find a reason to quit.

If you notice in my first post that I buy him stuff sometimes, he has plenty of money but whenever he gets money from his trust he makes sure he has more than enough dope till the next check and is then broke. He doesn't care. He's like a rich poor guy, or a poor rich guy. I mean, in his position I would probably be a professional addict too. He's seen some dark things, but never the type of stuff that convinces people to quit. So that's a huge challenge to get over. Hopefully if I'm not there to help him, he might realize he can't take care of himself and that might be motivation to quit. (btw in the remainder of this post my rich junkie buddy that I help out shall henceforth be known as friend)

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More importantly though, I have a serious issue that has fucked this whole situation up. I've been mad at him for joking about my recent - almost fatal - relapse. I've been mad at myself for ditching him. Even though I know it's the right thing to do. I've been sad and depressed about the relapse... so I relapsed again, this time on my DOC, opiates (namely OC)

Well, now I'm essentially in his position. I have recently been staying with a friend (henceforth known as roommate) of mine who puts me up in his really nice apartment. He has good money, a good degree, a good job, the works. He def used to party, so he fucked around with party drugs, but never "hard" drugs, other than coke. He's been around addiction all his life though, and he knows how to put up with it, and he likes seeing me get cleanish. He was very sympathetic after my last relapse (even though I'm pretty sure I stole some random shit from him when I blacked out, really random stuff too, like his tooth paste ) but he did say he and his gf made a pact that he'd kick me out if I relapsed. He never intended to follow through on it, and he subsequently used that situation to break up with her, so he's probably not in the greatest of places mentally, although he's never said anything. I also feel like there is a tiny bit of truth to everything everyone says.

So now I'm in the middle of relapsing again. I couldn't help it, I went to go pick up some neuro meds and the pharmacist asked me if I was picking up the roxicodone and the methadone too. I was shocked, I had absolutely no idea I had those scripts AND they'd been filled and been sitting there for a month. So now I feel like I'm doing to my roommate what my friend was/is doing to me. My roommate doesn't give me money, but he basically subsides' my rent, food, and utilities. He's very sympathetic about my addiction issues. He's so understanding he let me live in his pretty damn luxurious apt that is essentially drug free, so I would be less likely to use again. He was totally right, but then drugs fell into my lap twice in a week. Unlike my friend though, I feel terrible, I don't want to ruin my relationship with my roommate, or get kicked out. Because of my kind and generous nature, I'm more concerned about losing his friendship than getting kicked out. I feel like if he finds out I got those meds instead of telling the pharmacy to toss them, he wouldn't talk to me, and then he would kick me out. If I got the boot, I would be essentially homeless. To be honest, my only solution would be to move in with my friend.

Now I kinda know how my friend feels, having a sort of overseer that will give you grief if you if fuck up sucks. I really don't know what to do. Currently my 'plan' is to take the meds over the course of a few days cause I did get a lot of meds, so I couldn't do them in one day. I don't have the willpower to toss them myself, and I don't really know anyone who buys opiates. I would then forget about it and never tell him. If he found out, he would definitely count the meds to check out how many I abused in one day, which might fuck me over cause with no tolerance anymore I took 60mg's of oxy and 20mg of methadone (I feel AWESOME). I'm also thinking about saying I got these from my doc cause my pain is getting worse from the PT, which I doubt he'll buy since I tossed my last pain script in front of him to be able to move in. Thing is, I never relapse unless the drugs are free, so this might not happen again for awhile though. His best move, probably, is to distance himself from me like I did with my friend, I'd then be FUCKED.

I will say this though: I did recently have a major operation so he might understand the desire to be totally pain free for awhile. I'm also just eating these orally. So I think my problem is no where near as bad as my friend's but isn't that how we all think.

Goddamn addiction is a fucking bitch, if anyone who reads this is just messing around with opiates right now... STOP IMMEDIATELY

Sorry for my bad grammar, I'm pretty fucked up right now.

 

[bunge]

Since your roommate sounds like a really understanding guy, couldnt you talk with him about these issues?
Explain that the pharmacy offered to fill your script and you in a moment of weakness accepted.
If the guy was willing to end his relationship to stick by you then he must be a pretty solid friend (unless you think that a 'confession' would be the straw that broke the camels back?)...
One thing if certain, you are on a knife edge at the moment and being kicked out of the island of sanity your currently residing in would be awful news for you.
So youve relapsed...thats a part of recovery, you have to get that taste of freedom and then lose it to want it bad enough to keep it.
Guilt at your actions now doesnt serve any purpose except to make you depressed and worsen your situation.
Could you ask your roommate to keep control of your drugs so that you use them as prescribed? I thought that might be a happy compromise, where your being honest and your roommate gets to help you and feel valued and not just like a meal ticket.
Just dont get made homeless, moving in with your other friend would end very bad I reckon.

 

[bennyZA]

Could you ask your roommate to keep control of your drugs so that you use them as prescribed? I thought that might be a happy compromise, where your being honest and your roommate gets to help you and feel valued and not just like a meal ticket.

That's what I think I'm probably going to do, but twice in one week... he's probably going to be pissed if he finds out. I don't need them, at all, so the fact that I've already taken so much in a few hours is going to piss him off, I know it. I wouldn't be as concerned if it wasn't for the fact that my relapse was only 4 days ago, and it was pretty bad too (~10mg of ativan, ~6 pills of flurazapam ~4 large dose ambiens and ~1/2 a bottle of wine, that might have been fatal for some people). Now I've already taken 60mg of oxy, and I'm going to take some more

 

[bunge]

No shit man, you dont do things by halfs do you?!.
If you dont tell him is he likely to come hime to find you in a drug fuelled haze/coma because that may aggravate him more then simply being weak and giving in.
If you can keep a lid on your spiral and till tomorrow and then tell him a slightly 'cleaned up truth' ie. I filled my oxy scrip yesterday but only took a couple for geniune pain, will you hold the rest so I dont get stupid with them etc etc, then that might be a better option.
Trying to explain yourself while high will go over badly, I can assure you of that much.
Beyond that its very hard to advise you what to do because I dont know your roommate at all or the nature of your friendship and I dont want to give advice that ends in you being homeless because as I already said that would be the worse possible thing at th e moment.
I suppose its really a judgement call but I dont think you sshould make that call while high.
I would put away the pills, sleep and sober up and tomorrow have a really hard think about what you want to say (if anything) and if you decide to tell your roommate, tell him at the end of his working day, when hes home and relaxed and doesnt have to stress about it while working.
The main thing though mate is to get a handle on your spiral right now, your slipping and as you know, its a harder slope to go up then go down.

 

[bennyZA]

That's actually some really good advice Bunge, thank you. I do need to get a lid on this downward spiral. Considering my binge the other day, I obviously don't do things by half (as you say). Things aren't great right now, at all, but they're good enough circumstances that I should be able to clean up. I'm going to avoid eye contact with my roomy and probably leave when he gets home today. Then I think I'll go to the cannabis club, get really high so I can explain the drug haze as just smoking too much weed, if he asks. Hopefully I will wake up sober.

I think I'm going to try give him the pills to throw away tomorrow. It's just so hard, I got 500mg's for free, so I'm just so stoked to be high all day for a few days, which I know is fucked.

If I do give him the pills and explain the circumstances. It's not really lying too much if I tell him I accidentally picked up some old pain meds, "by accident." Still though... he wont be happy. I guess I gotta deal with it. I think that if I tell him he might be disappointed and punish me somehow (idk, probably not be allowed in the apt unless he's there) but I don't think he'd kick me out. He might kick me out while he's pissed then apologize for flying off the handle. After that we will probably change the nature of my living there.

One of the weirder parts of this story that another BLer pointed out is how did these scripts get filled? I would need a paper copy, and I can only get that from a doc in a different city. I need a ride to get to that city, so I would remember cause that city is an hour away. That's why I'm so surprised when they asked me if I wanted to pick them up in my city.

Oh, I should probably mention that I feel no pain in my arm that was operated on. It was hurtin, and now it's not, which is awesome.