How Do I Quit Using While Dealing With Family Issues

[Egeo_consilii]

As I'm sure many of you have experienced, opiate withdrawal is both physical and mental. My problems lie not only with the physical, but the emotional aspects of stopping opiate use. For the past 7 months I have been adduced to Opana (oxymorphone). I use anywhere from 60-100mgs a day, and I have found in that time that it's not only the feeling that I'm chasing, but the escape. When my father died at the age of 5, a switch was turned on in my mother that led her deeper and deeper into depression. God bless her that she took care of me so well during that time, but now it's as of she's snapped. Since my teenage years (like all teens do) i resisted her when I felt that she became overbearing. She kept me on a very short leash, I hated it, and I acted out. At 14 I brough a bottle of scotch to
school, got into trouble, and that's when the problems started. She didn't "ground"
me in the traditional sense, but she didn't let me do the things normal youth did. When I resisted, she yelled, hit, beat, etc. I hated myself for not "meeting her expectations" for the longest time, until I realized that it wasn't my fault. When I did, I turned to drugs (any and all I could get hands on-pretty much every category. I felt as if I finally was free.
But freedom came at a cost. Since I come from a very well-to-do family, I could afford a lot of drugs. Eventually I found painkillers, and from then on it was over. That was 2 years ago. I'm guilty of putting through my mother through a lot of pain, no doubt, but her severe depression coupled with her attachement/detachment disorder and bipolar disorder (all of which she was diagnosed with, none of which she believes), makes her hate me. I know deep down she wants the best for me (I hope), but she is so mad, so angry at me that she yells at me constantly.
I'm I'm college right now, and she calls me every day at least 5 times a day. She texts me close to 20 times. Mostly to yell at me. At one point, I felt so bad for the pain I put her through that I wanted to rebuild a good relationship with her so desperately, that I gave her control over my money (I still have a little to get through the next few months, but not very much).

 

[Egeo_consilii]

Okay, here's the issue:

I want to stop using. I hate how it changes me, even though I love the way they male dealing with my mother more manageable. But I cant spend so much money anymore, I can't be high anymore, it's just causing more problems. I live in an apartent/dorm, go to class, and generally have positive outlets.I want to stay in school, but need my mother to pay. I'm financially dependent on my mother for various reasons (believe me when I say, I need her support because of a lot of bad decisions made on my part that I won't detail right now).
So, I desperately want to quit opiates. Right. But I don't know how, when a fight with my
Mother (which happens every day multiple times) is a trigger. Please, if anyone can give me some advice...I really need it. A note though: I have tried explaining all of this to my
Mother, but she just ignores it. She doesn't believe that she's a trigger. She says she doesnt care what I say: it's all MY fault that I'm an addict. I guess my question is: how can I quit opiates, with a trigger that I can never escape from? Thanks for any kind words, I could really use some advice.

 

[Bojangles69]

You can't. And unfortunately I use to have similar conversations with my mother.

I wound up "teaching" her the hardway. By the time I turned 19 I was getting a lot of shit from her, but it was still all peachy and rosey the way she'd make things seem. And as much as we fought, she always presented me to her friends as "the perfect son" and what not. It pissed me off that much more.

Long story short, when I was living at home with her, all in one day she got a dose of what it means to be an addict.
A storm of DEA agents knocking her door down, blowing smoke grenades, while a helicopter hovered 50 ft over her house making sure no booby traps went off when they busted in.

Then her laying on the floor with rifles pointed in her face....

I hate to make it seem like I ever intended for that to happen. But that was my mothers own and official eye opening experience. She was never the same the way she addressed me afterwards. She literally seemed to develop a sympathy and compassion for me in a matter of one day, that lasted forever.

I went to prison, got out. And our relationship was the best its ever been at that point. Things were great, but I'm an addict, and things being good doesn't stop me from relapsing.

After 5 years clean, relapsed again. And it started to wear her down again. She was different at that point, she new I was "sick" and new it was much more serious than me just bs'n with recreational drugs. I'd been through prison already, and was using drugs again.

But I want you to know I went through that whole same ordeal. It does end at some point I think when parents see it go on long enough. At a certain point their ignorance for addiction is blown right out the window.

And due to my mom making those changes, and accepting me more, it also made me feel that much worse when I did relapse/use.
Which is precisely why I tried killing myself.. twice.

It can be a long mess road this life. You are still young. So you should try to turn your life around the best you can. Obviously if you keep using, that relationship has no chance of getting better. Hard times can change things, but they're not essential for changing things. You don't have to wait to go through all the shit I did just to teach your parents addiction is a serious illness.

Only thing I can say is you have to hide that life and become an expert at hiding your problems from her... oorrrr you just keep your distance from her so she is unable to realize it. And her denial will feed her mind to believe you're not using. It may make things better shortterm, but the life of active drug addict is almost never stable. Maybe temporarily, but for long term solutions, I'd go to rehab, get the eff away from her for a few months, and get clean in amore supportive environment. Its the only think likely to get you off the drugs.

Staying off, your mother would need some form of therapy too, maybe NALANON, who knows. But things do change, thats a fact of life. G/luck and maybe some other people will have better advice to share.

 

[piebald]

WOW, thats a tough situation! It sounds like you have two distinct problems you need to tackle
the relationship with mom and the addiction. You cant control your mom but you can do something about your addiction and once you do, dealing with the relationship with your mother will be easier.
I cant offer any advice about he family part of it, but i would suggest you get professional help-some people can quit on their own but it sounds like you have ALOT of stressors in your everyday life!
It also sounds like your mom needs some serious help too huh?
Maybe a good place to start would be getting the ball rolling for your OWN recovery...and if its only been 7 months of addiction you have a great shot of working this out before it gets worse...

 

[Paul Newman]

Well, shit man, all that stuff is heayy as hell but i will give you what i think you can do.
My mum was impossible when i was at home in my teens, no way near that hard but she was a fucking nightmare and at 18 moved out to live with some proper dicks to get away, became heavy drug user and waster because i thought that i knew best, my mum was a nightmare so there i was believing i was invincible. After realising the downward spiral of shit i had put myself in i was rock bottom and nowhere and mother was still a fucking nightmare but i wanted to get a proper life, a future so moved home and took all mothers shit until i was on a level, dropping the drugs helped make living there easier, not hankering for a bag or some gear helped.
If you can stop taking, using and bring in someone to sit down with you all and bash through all the problems, I.E you tell each other your hates and problems, what can you both do for each other to make life easier. People who are a nightmare need to be made to see themselves, video her being a bitch and show her but you both need to realise your faults and what are amazing about you too.
When i gave up smack it was HARD but the end results were worth it. Obviously your life is different but give it a go, at the end of the day if you want to do it you will do it and when you are in pain dying for a hit tell yourself over and over that the pain is temporary life is a lot longer and more enjoyable.
If she continues to be the same after all that, get out but only when you are strong enough.