Mental Health How did you know you were depressed?

[ech0s85]

Hey I'm 29 and I've been pretty laid back and happy most of my life. Over the last few years I made some questionable decisions and sort of got lazy and my life slowly started getting worse. Nothing really bad just sort of stopped progressing like I'd always done.

Anyway for the last year and a half or so Ive had some tough shit to deal with and I just started realizing a couple weeks ago that I'm almost definitely depressed. The weird thing is that I wouldn't say I feel depressed. What got me thinking about it was one day I realized over the last two days I really hadn't gotten out of bed except to eat. I don't feel sad or hopeless or anything, I just feel.....neutral.

When I really thought about it I had quite a few symptoms of depression but it just never occurred to me because I always thought id be really sad or something obvious if I was depressed.

So anyway I'm curious if this is common or just me.

 

[Mjo95jr]

Hey echoes. Hope everything is going well. I have been in the same scenario before I was eventually diagnosed with depression. I felt the same lack of emotion, just felt neutral for a while. It eventually came to the conclusion after talking with some family members to see if my symptoms were in fact the cause of depression. It helped for me to see someone to work it out.

So yeah all in all its ok. You are not the only one. I can say for others if it is common but yeah I know what you are going through. The best thing is you caught it early. It doesnt hurt to talk to someone about it.

 

[sam05]

when u feel dead inside and dont care anymore.

 

[RedRum OG]

There is clinical depression vs depression vs the 'layman' use of the word aka intense sadness. I may have this backwards but clinical depression is more just loss of interest and pleasure,self imposed isolation, being sedentary etc.

A lot of times it can be more of a loss of the positive things rather than an addition of negative symptoms, though it is usually both

 

[SixBuckets]

Bipolar people do things differently. A lot of the descriptions people give of unipolar/clinical depression (like flatness, anhedonia, numbness, etc) are completely alien to me - I've never felt that way in my life.

My depression is a completely unbearable full-self misery that feels like it could destroy the world if it got out of my head. It's agonisingly intense. I didn't understand how people could just "live with" depression until I found out that there are different types. Clinical depression and bipolar depression (or "my feelings are too big for my body") are worlds apart.

 

[aq.]

my depression presented itself with a lot of anger. i was sad, but i harbored a lot of anger also. at first i didn't think that it was depression, i just thought i had anger issues, but come to find out it was depression.

 

[zuvulu]

we are living in a VERY insane culture, world. This culture uses a mental illness myth as a central form of social control. By saying 'mental illness myth' I in no way means that what you feel is a myth, or that any form of psychological distress is a myth, but that the cultural assertion that you have a physically-caused disorder of disease is not supported by ANY actual medical science. In fact there are psychiatrists now admitting that the 'chemical imbalance' diagnosis, for 'depression' etc is a big con.
The psychiatric establishment became the drug pushers for a big pharma industry which rakes in BILLIONS, and consonantly wants to expand its market and creates more and more bogus 'disorders' which are really problems of living. Complexes of problems which can overwhelm people. having no real support for the complex psychological problems we can get our only recourse is to go to the doctor and etc etc and next thing you are diagnosed with a 'mental illness' and have drugs pushed you!!
I have met with a lot of resistance sharing this from those who choose to take psychiatric medication. it doesn't matter what evidence you show them to support your case they are in denial. Maybe I will here. IF this forums supports the mental illness myth then I may get pressure not to challange it from moderators. We will have to see.
At The Shroomery forums, just before I came here. a member there, a young man just would not understand even though I presented evidence of an alternative understanding of mental health issues, and because I called him 'kiddo' and that he will never understand because he won't look at the evidence I get banned---even though MUCh worse has been said by other members to members and nothing happens. But you see this is a hot potato of a subject and people may try and shut up the messenger if they believe the myth of mental illness

All I ask is not to 'believe me' but to find out for yourselves, AND also look into what this culture is all about--the insanity of it, the injustice, abuse, violence----all of which is driving more and more people, including more and more children mad, and when they show symptoms it suits the ruling class and their lackeys to blame the individual, and their brain, because doing so removes all attention away from the actual reality this dis-ease is happening in and is the cause of.

 

[falsifiedhypothesi]

I was always getting upset in my childhood, at first it was anger around 7-12 then progressed into full on dyphoric melancholy by age 14. I never identified my symptoms as depression until around 16 where I was smoking lots of weed. Weed really made me reflect on my childhood and realize how I hardly ever found interest or happiness in anything. After lots of psychotic breaks on weed and thinking I was schizophrenic I finally realized that General depression fit the bill.


From 16-19 it was extremely unpleasant, every moment I wasn't high on opiates or hanging out with friends I felt like killing myself. I would always think about going into my backyard with my dads revolver and playing Russian roulette with myself until a bullet found the barrel. I never ended up acting on these thoughts because I knew it would devastate my family, and I just couldn't do that to them.

Now, 20 years old, it has just become flat, boring, melancholy. I don't get enjoyment from anything anymore, nor do I have any motivation to better myself, a trait from my youth that I sorely miss. The suicidal thoughts and massive amounts of anxiety are gone for the most part, the defense mechanism that stopped those symptoms has caused me to become dull as a stone, without an edge. Right now im just existing, still pessimistic about any possibility of a bright future.

For a short answer, I started realizing I was depressed once I really understood what mental health was.

 

[malakaix]

I think I've been in denial for years as i can be quite optimistic even in the worst kind of situations.. my attitude is that all suffering is learning and so i can usually rationalize my way out of a deep depression or see it as a necessary process; however i have not been able to overcome the depression that is rooted in existential depression.

And because of this I've been unable to commit to a direction in life, literally every aspect is questioned because all of it falls under a thin guise of been meaningful and meaningless.. i am becoming extremely detached from everything and it doesn't bother me. In a way it's refreshing to not care.. not out of self-loathing but just acknowledging that nothing actually matters, ever.. perhaps i'm veering off into new territory now, i feel no attachment to anything.. everything just happens for no point at all and im simply an observer.

I have zero expectations with people.. i can still socialize and connect, but i have no expectation for them to fulfill my emotional or mental needs.

 

[neurotic]

to me, only the opposite happened - i realized i wasn't depressed

since i remember i was depressed, as i kid i always bounced from psychologist to psychologist, antidepressant to antidepressant, depressed mood always felt baseline, and a moment/day of happiness always felt fake and just brief until i got back to baselin

it wasn't until a few months ago when one day i felt particularly depressed that i realized i haven't had any suicidal thoughts in months and they felt like a thing from the past, and that now being fine was baseline

depression sucks really

 

[herbavore]

IF this forums supports the mental illness myth then I may get pressure not to challange it from moderators. We will have to see.
At The Shroomery forums, just before I came here. a member there, a young man just would not understand even though I presented evidence of an alternative understanding of mental health issues, and because I called him 'kiddo' and that he will never understand because he won't look at the evidence I get banned---even though MUCh worse has been said by other members to members and nothing happens. But you see this is a hot potato of a subject and people may try and shut up the messenger if they believe the myth of mental illness

You will never be censored for your opinion, no matter how it is received by others. What will get you warnings or infractions is abusive language (putting someone down personally because they don't agree with you, eg). I happen to agree completely with the point of view that you expressed in your post. If you look through the threads in this forum you will see that there is much diversity and all the discussion and argument diversity engenders. Expressing your opinions and experiences, retaining a certain amount of humility (that our opinions and experiences are subjective) and contributing to the exploration of "mental illness", treatments etc.

One thing that is crucial to remember is that the grey area in any discussion is really what moves us all forward. Black and white extremes alienate people and cause us to isolate into "camps" of dogma. The issue of medication is particularly prone to this. Medication is a life-saver for some people and a life destroyer for others--those are some pretty high stakes so being sensitive to a diversity of situations is paramount.

welcome to Bluelight!


echOs85, I have been well acquainted with sadness throughout my life but never with depression. I lost a son 4 years ago this month and have experienced what you are describing quite frequently. Some days I think the only thing that would make me truly happy is if someone came along and told me I never had to get out of bed again in my life. I have tried to do a lot of different things to combat the apathy and lethargy of this state but the most successful for me was actually taking time to be alone for 4 months with a backpack, a notebook and no plans. I pretty much walked and cried and wrote for 4 months in a country cheap enough for me to do that. I was going on the assumption that what I needed wasn't to get away from this overwhelming sadness but to give myself time and space to completely immerse myself in it. Real life demanded that I come home, and I did, but I'm due for another journey I think. Have you ever considered doing something like that? I think that depression is often the spirit demanding release from a life that is not living.

 

[falsifiedhypothesi]

depressed mood always felt baseline, and a moment/day of happiness always felt fake and just brief until i got back to baselin

it wasn't until a few months ago when one day i felt particularly depressed that i realized i haven't had any suicidal thoughts in months and they felt like a thing from the past, and that now being fine was baseline

great post, I felt and do feel the exact same way now.

 

[zuvulu]

Today I have felt poleaxed with despair. Reason---I live in UK and the toxic tories have got back into power and they represent the meanest, greediest voile people your ever going to know who have cut many peoples money, disabled, 'mentally ill', the 'unemployed'---and even stopping money driving people to despair, homelessness, even suicide
On top oif this I am aware about their part in the global elite, and its evil, false flags, invasions and genocide of innocent men women and children, AND the ecocide being done to our home, Earth, which is not even considered a crime against humanity in law!! And of course the abuse and making extinct other species, our relatives, and even the bees are under threat by their insanity
ALL of this we are aware. EVEN if not consciously we are aware of it in deeper ways. So when I hear this culture lie about 'mental illness' it is not a 'black and white' thing, it is REAL lies---like if a quack told you that sniffing some dodgy liquid would cure your cancer. it is false. Same is so with their claiming that your sadness, which they call 'depression' is 'chemical imbalance'. There is no medical test to support their diagnoses!
Now, this does not mean that you taking one of their pills may not make you feel better. So might a drink of alcohol, but that does not mean you have a chemical imbalance in the way they mean it, as being a disorder of your brain.

 

[herbavore]

Today I have felt poleaxed with despair. Reason---I live in UK and the toxic tories have got back into power and they represent the meanest, greediest voile people your ever going to know who have cut many peoples money, disabled, 'mentally ill', the 'unemployed'---and even stopping money driving people to despair, homelessness, even suicide
On top oif this I am aware about their part in the global elite, and its evil, false flags, invasions and genocide of innocent men women and children, AND the ecocide being done to our home, Earth, which is not even considered a crime against humanity in law!! And of course the abuse and making extinct other species, our relatives, and even the bees are under threat by their insanity
ALL of this we are aware. EVEN if not consciously we are aware of it in deeper ways. So when I hear this culture lie about 'mental illness' it is not a 'black and white' thing, it is REAL lies---like if a quack told you that sniffing some dodgy liquid would cure your cancer. it is false. Same is so with their claiming that your sadness, which they call 'depression' is 'chemical imbalance'. There is no medical test to support their diagnoses!
Now, this does not mean that you taking one of their pills may not make you feel better. So might a drink of alcohol, but that does not mean you have a chemical imbalance in the way they mean it, as being a disorder of your brain.

^I was really hoping for a different outcome in the elections and I don't even live there.

 

[CosmicG]

As far as mental illness being made up to control the masses of the people goes I almost wholeheartedly agree. There are medicines out there that do much more harm than good. People are being treated at younger and younger ages for mental illnesses that seem impossible to prove, especially at such a young age when the brain is developing at such a rate. An example would be of course all of the Adderal and Ritalin being handed out to children as young as the age of six for ADHD! I mean really come on. Kids are going to have a lot of energy and talk nonsense, perhaps even jump off of walls at times. You should probably be more worried if your child is not doing these things. Of course many people will disagree with this. I know of at least two people who have their children taking this because it was recommended by a school teacher. Since when are teachers psychiatric doctors?

I have been taking medication since the early age of fifteen. This is due to a lot of issues I was having in dealing with my coping skills. Got my first girlfriend and got dumped two weeks later. This was like all of my dreams forever being crushed, and led into an unhealthy obsession I am not going to into in this thread. I was fifteen and had no interest in doing anything besides getting fucked up on drugs and alcohol. I would have to say between the ages of fifteen through seventeen were my most destructive, because I felt so invincible still. It would not be until much later that my ego would be crushed again and again, only due to much more severe situations and much greater consequences. I was prescribed Prozac and my personality changed into someone I liked much more because I cared about nothing, even more so then before, and it felt good. My medication changed a lot throughout the years, as did my diagnosis. Wellbutrin, Prozac, Seroquel, Depakote, Lamictal, Clonazepam, risperdal...There were probably more I just cannot remember.

Depression comes and goes for me because I am bipolar and never really know how I am going to feel from one moment to the next. Or does my Lamictal and Xanax make me bipolar? Questions impossible to answer at this point really as my life has pretty much been a mess for the last ten years. At my worst depression has left me bed ridden for days, with a feeling of nausea to accompany the emptiness I felt down to my very bone. Truly crippling. Something experienced not just mentally but physically too, like how a strong anxiety attack causes ones hands to shake and mind to race. That is when I know I am in a true state of depression I guess. The idea is to just not let myself to get that low, because it comes with many warning signs. Knowing when you are about to fall down into that kind of sad existence is when you need to call for help I think. As strong as I want to believe I am, I am equally as weak. Protecting my ego has always been one of my main struggles. The ego is what brings me down.

 

[SixBuckets]

we are living in a VERY insane culture, world. This culture uses a mental illness myth as a central form of social control. By saying 'mental illness myth' I in no way means that what you feel is a myth, or that any form of psychological distress is a myth, but that the cultural assertion that you have a physically-caused disorder of disease is not supported by ANY actual medical science. In fact there are psychiatrists now admitting that the 'chemical imbalance' diagnosis, for 'depression' etc is a big con.
The psychiatric establishment became the drug pushers for a big pharma industry which rakes in BILLIONS, and consonantly wants to expand its market and creates more and more bogus 'disorders' which are really problems of living. Complexes of problems which can overwhelm people. having no real support for the complex psychological problems we can get our only recourse is to go to the doctor and etc etc and next thing you are diagnosed with a 'mental illness' and have drugs pushed you!!
I have met with a lot of resistance sharing this from those who choose to take psychiatric medication. it doesn't matter what evidence you show them to support your case they are in denial. Maybe I will here. IF this forums supports the mental illness myth then I may get pressure not to challange it from moderators. We will have to see.
At The Shroomery forums, just before I came here. a member there, a young man just would not understand even though I presented evidence of an alternative understanding of mental health issues, and because I called him 'kiddo' and that he will never understand because he won't look at the evidence I get banned---even though MUCh worse has been said by other members to members and nothing happens. But you see this is a hot potato of a subject and people may try and shut up the messenger if they believe the myth of mental illness

All I ask is not to 'believe me' but to find out for yourselves, AND also look into what this culture is all about--the insanity of it, the injustice, abuse, violence----all of which is driving more and more people, including more and more children mad, and when they show symptoms it suits the ruling class and their lackeys to blame the individual, and their brain, because doing so removes all attention away from the actual reality this dis-ease is happening in and is the cause of.

There are genetic markers that have been significantly indicated in several mental illnesses, including bipolar and schizophrenia spectrum disorders. It's not really a surprise to most people with bipolar to find out that it "officially" runs in families.

There are marked differences on MRI between people with some mental illnesses and healthy individuals. This includes schizophrenia spectrum disorders and clinical unipolar depression.

The fact that we can't (yet) point at a single physical factor and say "this causes mental illness" doesn't mean that they aren't at least partially physical illnesses. Most mental illnesses are classified as "biopsychosocial" disorders, which means exactly what it says on the box: they're part biological, part programming and experiences, and part the thing you're saying (our social framework).

Basically, it's not one or the other. It's both/and/etc.

 

[cengsuz]

1. Can't/Too much sleep
2. Eating too much/little
3. Heavy feeling in my chest which I initially thought was angina but my ECG came back normal
4. Suicidal thoughts (even if you don't go through with it)
5. Overthinking things, illogical thoughts
6. Feelings of unworthiness (which usually leads to suicidal thoughts)
7. No energy to do the things you normally do
8. Indecisiveness: muddled thoughts, can't think straight, can't concentrate
9. Frequent bouts of crying
10.Second guessing yourself all the time

 

[Rakaposhi]

I had a creeping sense of unease for weeks and weeks but I didnt know what was wrong. Eventually I realised I was getting zero pleasure from everything in life, from the big things like nights out with friends to the smallest things like waking up in a warm cosy bed. Nothing gave me happiness. I still didnt even diagnose it myself as depression until months after that when I read a definition of depression that was something along the lines of 'derives no joy from anything in life'. Until then I had assumed I had to be crying all the time and on the verge of suicide to be clinically depressed, which I wasn't.

Fighting that depression has taken years and years and its a fight that still doesnt feel like its over. Its taken a lot to overcome it but I would reccomend the obvious things : Change your circumstances if you think they contribute, Improve your Diet, Get some exercise, reduce or even stop any party drugs you are taking for a while, talk to people you can trust and admit you have a problem. Personally I didn't like Anti-Depressants and they weren't for me but its maybe worth a try

 

[Rakaposhi]

1. Can't/Too much sleep
2. Eating too much/little
3. Heavy feeling in my chest which I initially thought was angina but my ECG came back normal
4. Suicidal thoughts (even if you don't go through with it)
5. Overthinking things, illogical thoughts
6. Feelings of unworthiness (which usually leads to suicidal thoughts)
7. No energy to do the things you normally do
8. Indecisiveness: muddled thoughts, can't think straight, can't concentrate
9. Frequent bouts of crying
10.Second guessing yourself all the time

I recognise a lot of these. Its a really tough situation to be in. Its not something you can just snap out of, or 'cheer up' on demand. Easily the toughest years of my life