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How did you do it?

hthr007

hthr007

Ex-Bluelighter
Joined
May 22, 2012
Messages
1,061
How did you get clean?

My addiction is consuming my life and I feel like there's no way out. I feel like I am always going to be a good for nothing junkie. I have a job, live on my own, have a car, pay my own bills and I'm studying biochem engineering at Uni so it's not like I'm doing nothing with my life, but obviously a drug addiction can at one time or another pose limitations.

Right now I'm in opiate withdrawal and feel like I'm dying/I want to die. I'm at such a low right now. I'm disgusted with myself in so many ways. How did you guys get clean? I feel like theres no hope for me & that I'm going to die alone of a drug OD.
 
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Hey, although I cannot speak to the addiction or recovery and will leave the how-to's to others with experience, I just wanted to say that you are by no means a "good for nothing junkie". You have an addiction. Addiction is a disease--a physiological disease and a disease of the spirit as well. One of the things that you can do right now is to distinguish between berating yourself for being wrong (a way to surely entrench your addiction) and remorse for habits that are holding you down but can be changed only when you feel strong and capable of tackling them. If you undermine yourself with language and thought that says, "I am worthless and weak" you are in effect proving that to be true. If you can somehow see these thoughts as your enemy and begin to talk back to them with defiance and righteous anger, you will start to change their hold on you.

Look at all you are accomplishing despite your addiction. You are an incredibly strong young woman--much more than you give yourself credit for. Have you tried looking at where this comes from? What are the roots? I have a sense that the roots of this are not in addiction but actually precede addiction. Maybe just concentrating in therapy on the underlying lack of confidence could be a first step that you could build on?

No matter what, I hope you know how many people here care about and admire you. I know that when you don't feel it yourself, it can be hard to believe in but just know that we are all holding you in our thoughts always. We believe in the goodness that you show here every day. I hope that something practical in the advice that is sure to follow in this thread can be a help to you. In the meantime, I hope that the love here can hold you up and let you take a rest. I have faith that you will pull through this but I know the pulling is hard. I think the hardest part is the vulnerability of allowing yourself to try. It is much safer to say "I can't" but I know you know that will lead to disaster. Push through that trap which is after all only a thought.<3
 
Hi Hthr,

I know exactly what you are going through as I am on day 4 of my opiate withdrawal. The good news is that I feel normal now and I hope maybe yours can be this short too.

Day 4 My W/D is officially gone. I have physical energy and all the good things. No more sweating, anxiety, or restless legs. I woke up feeling refreshed, and a brand new me! For anyone who is reading this, here are my tips and tricks I used to get me through the tough times.

1.) Hit the shower, hot tub as often as necessary. It will take away most of the worst symptoms (temporarily)
2.) Try to get a benzo of some sort, as any of them will help tremendously with sleep and anxiety.
3.) I know this was hard for me, but I told my wife I'm going through Opiate W/D and she helped and cared for me.
4.) Drink lots of water, Gatorade, etc. Make sure you are always hydrated. Even if it means you pee every 10 min.
5.) Make sure you take Imodium because that will help with the runs. When you have the runs, it dehydrates you even more, so no good.
6.) Make sure you get some potassium in you, (bananas) I noticed right away that it was helping a lot!

If anyone ever needs to talk, feel free to write on here or PM me. I am completely over the W/D symptoms, and I even have energy!
I am W/D free after only 3 days! Day 1 and 2 were the hardest for me.

Hang in there! It does get easier each day! :)
 
the only times ive ever gotten real clean time is when ive completely removed myself from the people places and things which triggered me to use. it sounds cliched but its true. usually that meant rehab, jail, or staying at a relatives place for a few weeks at the least

while some people have success with sub/methadone management it just didnt work for me. my addict mentality didnt make a taper possible, and if you try to stop at a higher dose than like 1-.5mg the wd will be longer and more drawn out than just quitting regular opiates cold turkey

if you have the luxury of having health insurance try getting yourself into a detox for atleast a week, and if insurance will cover it try to get into a 28 day program afterwards. benefits of a detox is most of them will provide comfort meds and u have a professional monitoring u to make sure you detox correctly

if your forced to go at it alone, look into various otc meds which could help. things like loperamide and kava have worked for me. im currently in the process of detoxing myself right now. ive been taking lope the past few days but havent taken any since 6 this morning and arent planning on taking any more. i have kava and hopefully some weed for the rest

having those ur close to as a support group also makes a big difference. not talking about everything your going thru and holding it in leads to more stress and anxiety

i guess u can count lope as an opioid but if u dont then im like 72hrs clean and i feel pretty fucking good
 
Eventually it will take it all. I think quitting opiates is the hardest thing l have ever done. I didn't do any treatment and it took me close to a year to turn it all around. I fucked up...a lot. But l just kept trying and eventually it lost the hold it had on me. Stay away from the people you use with, which can be hard. Hang in there...
 
I quite telling myself I was a worthless piece of shit and focused on the things I had going for me. It sounds like you have things going for you even though u have an addiction so try to focus on those things and when you have a good grasp on those things this is when you have to face the hardest part...forgiving yourself. Opiate wd is the hardest thing iv ever dealt with, id wager that its one of the hardest things imaginable for anyone, but when you make it through I think it reinforces your will to not only live but to thrive. I also believe it makes you a much more compassionate person for one reason or another. Hthr you can make the changes in your life, you have a choice in how things go if you want to get clean you can do it buddy.
 
i tried everything...CT, SMT, Counselling, etc

only when everything crumbled and I landed myself in Detox and Treatmeant did I manage to get any sobriety...216 days
 
While I can now moderate, when I quit using heavily (quit for 4+ years totally) I quit cold turkey and literally just moved away from the environment entirely. If I hadn't I was dealing with a situation where so many people knew me that I couldn't walk a block where I was without being stopped by someone looking for something. Temptations were too easy so I packed a bag and hitchhiked out of state.
 
I'll be 4 months clean of heroin on New Years Eve so still in the early stages at the moment but not feeling like I want to use.
I don't think I would have been able to get this far without being on a methadone program.
I've been on the methadone for a good few years but was always using heroin on top of it,so it wasn't like I stopped taking heroin as soon as I took methadone.
It took a change in my thinking to get me where I am at the moment but I can't tell you how to have that change of mind.
I was just sick and tired and fed up of the game and seeing all my cash disappear with nothing to show for it.
I hope u find something that inspires you to stop using because life is so much better without heroin.
I bet your life was better before heroin and it will certainly be better after heroin.
I wish u all the best in the world and hope you have a great new year.
 
Wow thank you all so much for your thoughtful responses, they mean SO much to me - i mean that from the bottom of my heart. Reading some of the responses gave me chills. You're all wonderful people. Again thank you all so much.

<3
 
I think the most important things are:

- Work on your mental addiction and the reasons you use in the first place (mental or physical health issues: the vast majority (all IMO) of opiate addicts are self-medicating for things like emotional or physical pain, anxiety, trauma from childhood, etc. Even if your life seems good and not traumatic right now there is a reason you got addicted to opiates in the first place). The physical dependence is only part of the picture, if you don't work on the mental addiction and the source of your addiction it is extremely hard to quit and not go back to it.

- Learn how to cope with cravings. You have to teach yourself that you CAN choose not to act on them. You have to be aware of cravings and choose to do something different instead of just reacting subconsciously and going on autopilot, watching your legs walk out the door to go score.

- Make it more difficult for you to use and distancing yourself from triggers. For me this meant things like: moving to a different city, deleting my dealers' numbers from my phone, getting a new number so they couldn't call me, getting rid of my paraphernalia, not hanging out with people who used, not hanging out with people who were unhealthy for me to be around and therefore indirectly triggered me to use by being jerks and making me want to do some dope to cope with the emotional stress/pain, limiting stress in my life, etc.

- Replace drugs with other healthier things: hobbies, exercise, art, travel, people you really like, work/school/volunteering you enjoy, whatever. You need stuff to fill the void left by your drug of choice.

- Get help. Whether it's professional help or not, you need some kind of support system. It's very hard to do this alone. If no one in your life knows what you are going through, it makes things a lot more difficult. Of course you don't want to tell people who would definitely not be at all understanding or helpful though. At least talking to people on Bluelight is good, but having real in-person support is valuable.

Anyway, these are the things that worked for me and many others. I also used an unconventional therapy, but I don't know if the Dark Side is the right place to talk about that or not, and it's something that may not be right for everyone. As for how to make the withdrawals more bearable, there are a ton of threads on that - let me know if you want some links. Remember that it does get better! <3
 
Everyone else has said essentially said everything I wanted to better than I could have, but I want you to know you're not alone! I've been struggling with getting clean for 5 years, and I've been to over seven different treatment centers, not including halfway houses and such. Addiction is rampant in my family, and my parents actually met in Narcotics Anonymous, so they have been understanding of my condition, but they unfortunately can't fix me, and I know it scares them. My mom has been sober for 10 years, and she uses AA. I don't think a 12-step program is your only option, but it has worked for my mom, and when I've actually thrown myself into it, it has worked for me, too. The longest time I've had of continuous sobriety is 8 months.

While I'm not an opiate addict, I have suffered from severe withdrawals from alcohol and benzos, as well as many stimulants. I didn't have any physical withdrawals from stimulants, but mentally, I was so depressed that I was extremely suicidal and even made a genuine attempt. The first month is always the hardest for me personally, but keep in mind that it's temporary. I feel a bit hypocritical giving "advice" because I'm currently not clean and sober, but I can most certainly relate to your situation.

Also, I know being a functioning addict isn't seen as something to be commended, but I have admiration for all that you've achieved! I dropped out of HS, and I only have one semester of college under my belt at 23. My dad has spent an inordinate sum of money on treatment, and I really have nothing to show for myself according to the world's standards. So really, addict or not, be proud of yourself.

Most treatment centers, whether lockdown, transitional, or outpatient, use the 12 step method. Like I said, I don't think it's the only route, but if you do seek treatment, be prepared for that. However, there is a lot of support and accountability offered by these institutions, and even just regular NA and AA. I would also suggest finding a detox center (many of which are affordable, just do some research) to help you get off of them. You may be able to find an outpatient facility that can do this for you so it won't interfere with your responsibilities and obligations. Now I'm no expert here, but the opiate addicts to whom I've spoken say that they wouldn't recommend using methadone to kick it. I've heard Suboxone is much better, especially with medical oversight.

Also, just to reiterate what everyone else has said, DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP! This is a disease, and don't let other people tell you otherwise. It is not a reflection of your character. I've done innumerable things of which I am beyond ashamed, and self-reproach is something that comes naturally to me. But it does not serve your best interest to hold that mentality. I would suggest practicing affirmations, and using the law of substitution (replacing each negative thought with a positive one -- not just by negating it, but by saying its opposite. Ex: Instead of saying "I'm not a piece of shit", say "I am a person worthy of happiness" or something to that nature).

Anyway, I hope some of this helps, and although I do not know you, feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk. Just an offer. :) I wish you the best!
 
Swimmingdancer & pancakepirate- thank you both so much.

You're both filled with such wisdom & thoughtful words. I thank you for both your time and insight. <3
 
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