Treatment How did you decide to take antidepressants?

[thegreenhand]

that's how normal people feel , stimulated

Source? And also I assume ‘normal’ here means not clinically depressed?

 

[thegreenhand]

I was 19 and had been depressed since 11 and suicidal since 13. I was at a point where I had become totally isolated. I almost never slept and never ate. I hadn't bathed or changed clothes in 3 weeks and I never wanted to have to wash my hair or brush my teeth ever again. Time just seemed to stretch out in front of me forever with nothing but pain. I looked out of my bedroom window and a tidal wave of blood filled with mutilated corpses washed over the street. Spiders and insects would crawl en masse out of shadowy areas etc.
I used to go to the ocean at night sometimes when nobody else was there and just scream and scream.
For some reason I decided to see a doctor because killing myself for sure (I had a plan I knew would definitely work).

Yeah it seems you made the right decision to see a doctor at that point. I never have had such vivid imagery surrounding my mental state but I can empathize with all of that

I first took the SSRIs during a 1 week stay at an inpatient facility during a nervous breakdown (in which I had serious plans of jumping off a parking deck). When death is a possibility I think medication (and psychotherapy) is pretty much necessary

 

[Opi_Kid_Rock]

I have taken every major big pharma antidepressant which did not help me to any end but had differing negative side-effects in differing degrees. The Doctors and I decided to stop all the prescribable meds as we both did not know what else I could possibly try. Stayed on my Suboxone for depression. Recently I have been self medicating with psychedelics such as shrooms, DMT, and LSD. DMT stopped the throbbing depressive symptoms after one trip. Good luck to you and may you find relief from your depressive symptoms as soon as possible. Peace.

 

[RomanJ]

So I’m sort of at a decision point…

my depression has been worsening over the last couple months, even with semi regular psychotherapy. The physical effects are the worst part. I can’t bring myself to eat most days, I can’t sleep at night and then I’m tired all day, not getting out of bed or leaving the house, etc.

the emptiness and pain aren’t much better but I can at least somewhat attend school and work with those happening… So now I’m reconsidering medication

i was on SSRIs (fluoxetine 20 mg initially and then switched to escitalopram 10 mg since I found the former too stimulating) for about three weeks. But I ended up quitting them because I felt very unlike myself. Almost felt high tbh.

something didn’t sit right with me ‘psycho-spiritually’ about being dependent on a substance either. But it seems I may be non functional without one.

LSD helped when I first started using it but that was short lived and given that I’m only 20 I think I want to let my brain finish development before trying psychedelics again

sorry for the long rant. I guess I’m just wondering at what point did you decide an antidepressant was right for you? And are you happy with your decision?

I used escitalopram for a while, and I felt the same too like I was slightly high every day.
I was medication free for a few years but I ended up in a psychosis about 2 years ago and the psychiatrist put me on Duloxetine, it's slightly sedating so when I take it at night I get 8-9 hours sleep every night. I haven't slept this consistently since I was I teenager!
It's helped me really change my life, I believe so many mental health issues are made worse by lack of sleep.

 

[harbivores]

I lay in the fetal position wanting to cry but unable to actually get tears out most days, just in pain from not wanting to be alive.

I am so sorry

 

[Jabberwocky]

@thegreenhand i'm so sorry you're feeling so low.

i get the not wanting to be depenent on something. but i think for some of us our brains just need that to function. if you had type 1 diabetes you wouldn't think twice about using insulin. i have been on antidepressants on and off for 22 years now. longest time off was after venlafaxine, the doctors putting me on and taking me off it were fucking irresponsible and it scared me a lot.

i've been on sertraline over 2 years for CPTSD and it stopped me from relapsing on crack and heroin. i'd been crying for weeks and the effect was noticeable rom day 1. but my brain felt weirdly empty. i think it was the lack of constant horrible intrusive thoughts, it was odd to then have silence. so i didn't feel myself. but after about a month i got used to it and was able to function.

i don't want to stay on it forever but i'm afraid of coming off.

people demonise antidepressants and they aren't perfect but in your situation i'd say its worth a shot.

 

[thegreenhand]

many mental health issues are made worse by lack of sleep.

100% true. Regular sleep schedule helps a lot

 

[thegreenhand]

@thegreenhand i'm so sorry you're feeling so low.

i get the not wanting to be depenent on something. but i think for some of us our brains just need that to function. if you had type 1 diabetes you wouldn't think twice about using insulin. i have been on antidepressants on and off for 22 years now. longest time off was after venlafaxine, the doctors putting me on and taking me off it were fucking irresponsible and it scared me a lot.

i've been on sertraline over 2 years for CPTSD and it stopped me from relapsing on crack and heroin. i'd been crying for weeks and the effect was noticeable rom day 1. but my brain felt weirdly empty. i think it was the lack of constant horrible intrusive thoughts, it was odd to then have silence. so i didn't feel myself. but after about a month i got used to it and was able to function.

i don't want to stay on it forever but i'm afraid of coming off.

people demonise antidepressants and they aren't perfect but in your situation i'd say its worth a shot.

The withdrawal does really scare me too. And the doctor that put me on the SSRIs never told me about any possible side effects to watch out for or about the withdrawals. Luckily I knew about them just from being so involved in the drug world here in BL but it left a sour taste in my mouth.

I guess as I wrote this im realizing I’m not opposed entirely to medication, more so to un empathetic psychiatrists who don’t understand how much they’re fucking with people’s consciousness. The last two I saw wouldn’t even hear my concerns. They just treated me like a small child - “do what we say because we know best” sort of thing

 

[dragonix]

I never decided that or I guess almost viewed one as a crutch by the time I was 18 was not my idea to get on them at like 14 or 15 a psychiatrist prescribed them to me didn't even ask about my pot use lol go figure get that script signed but something happened in my life that changed me really and I also started seeing another doctor by that point had not seen a psych in a while to keep getting refills it felt like so I wasn't seeing one with the latest script and this new person convinced me I did not need them and was able to taper me off in a controlled living environment so I had to undecide them basically

A little over two years ago now probably I actually had a psychiatrist throw out a depression diagnosis I did not agree with she met with me after a bad binge she gladly did though changed it some to minor social awkwardness bogusry like not full blown social anxiety nor Asperger's she tested me for that too dumb haha.

She told me she was diagnosed since her husband passed away poor lady.

 

[dragonix]

I mean at 14 I just had to do what mom said except for not stopping drugs so I took the pills because they told me to I couldn't think nor speak for me entirely

that's how normal people feel , stimulated

i was on caffeine withdrawal, so i noticed that chemical therapy is effective to change your state so i started taking antidepressant

Hey I swear I have seen that picture around the net lol for some reason multiple times in multiple random photo dump searches

 

[n3ophy7e]

Hey I swear I have seen that picture around the net lol for some reason multiple times in multiple random photo dump searches

Picture??

 

[lovemissile66]

Hi Thegreenhand!

I grew up in a family that never talked about feelings. Though my father and his side of the family never outwardly said so, the belief was that you just dealt with it or swept it under the rug. I believe I've

suffered from depression and anxiety from a very young age, an age that I could not articulate what I was feeling. I felt like a complete imposter in my own body. I never felt good enough and my self-

esteem was low. I was also a worrier. And I ground my teeth and pulled pieces of my hair out. WTF, right? So, I took this baggage and added many more bags into adulthood. I fell in love, real love at

age 30. He was a great guy, far surpassed most of the assholes I had relationships with. But I noticed I would start fights with him for no apparent reason. My moods would swing to-and-fro. He didn't

deserve such behavior from me. That is when I decided I needed help. That I could not, no matter how hard I tried, make myself better. That was a bitter pill to swallow (no pun intended!). I really

wrestled with the idea of meds. But I also did not want to lose this person nor did I wish to continue just feeling blah everyday. I thought everyone but myself was happy. Now I know this to not be true!

Point being, I had not quality of life. So, I found a shrink and got lucky on my first try. Getting the right cocktail of meds was another story, but that is par for the course I think. And hey, I spent most of

my life feeling down, so what's another month or so? I ended up sticking with Celexa, which I take at night because it makes me a bit sleepy. And then, because the Celexa messed with my ability to have

an orgasm, I take Wellbutrin in the morning. And no more sexual issues. The Wellbutrin has a stimulating effect for me. Its not troublesome, it actually helps motivate me. On the days I forget to take it,

I definitely notice. Sorry for the long rant. I never wanted to be on meds. I felt weak for needing them. But that was just old family shit rearing its head. After taking my cocktail for about 8 months,

I noticed just how much I had changed. I got myself back into college, graduated. I felt GOOD! Calm, normal (whatever that is!). Its a subtle process. You don't get overnight results. So if you do

decide to take the plunge...give it plenty of time. And if the first, second or third drug doesn't work, you will find what does. Patience.

And good luck to you

 

[endlessnameless]

I was 19 and had been depressed since 11 and suicidal since 13. I was at a point where I had become totally isolated. I almost never slept and never ate. I hadn't bathed or changed clothes in 3 weeks and I never wanted to have to wash my hair or brush my teeth ever again. Time just seemed to stretch out in front of me forever with nothing but pain. I looked out of my bedroom window and a tidal wave of blood filled with mutilated corpses washed over the street. Spiders and insects would crawl en masse out of shadowy areas etc.
I used to go to the ocean at night sometimes when nobody else was there and just scream and scream.
For some reason I decided to see a doctor because killing myself for sure (I had a plan I knew would definitely work).

My story is pretty much exactly the same. I began withdrawing from friends (which were never easy for me to make in the first place) when I was 9 years old, but it was around the age of 11 when I began to realise there was something very wrong with me. By this point I had lost any friend I ever had, I didnt want to see family, I didn't want to leave the house, didn't want to wash...and I completely retreated into myself. Actually allow me to explain, I need to get to the bottom of this once and for all:

At the age of 12 I managed to somehow make friends with a chap (who we'll call A) who would eventually become my best friend for a good few years, and while I still very depressed, the friendship afforded me a little bit of happiness I wouldn't have had otherwise. I met a few other people through A, in particular 'D', who would become my best friend after A eventually moved away from my area after his father passed away. D would be the friend with whom I would eventually begin experimenting with drugs, leading onto a long term Heroin addiction which I'll get to a little further on.

Now while I was with either A or D, I was for the most part ok. My depression and anxiety would largely lessen while I was in their company but without them by my side I was an utter mess. I was gradually going from an almost straight A student to a C-/D+ student in everything except English, which was my only solace aside from Music and Art which I was getting good grades in too - but I couldn't focus on anything else. A and D werent in the same classes as me in school and I would have vivid, horrific and constant anxiety all day until lunch time when I got to see them.

It was around this time that I met my first girlfriend through another friend I managed to form a close bond with in Art class through our mutual appreciation of Art and Music. We were the only two metal/grunge/alt-heads (call it what you will) in the school for the most part and we wore that like a badge of honor. This was back in 1999/2000 and I can't even count how many people we used to have to fight off in order to just wear our Metallica/Nirvana hoodies in peace - but we still got on with most people, we just had to literally fight fist to fist for our respect. We'll call him 'C'.

So like I said I met my first girlfriend through 'C'. She started off as his, but he made this odd decision one day to give me her number to prank call her. To this day I have no idea why, but anyway I ended calling her up a few weeks later and instead of pranking her I just began talking. Came to find out she lived about 5mins away...and she asked to meet me, and I did.

(I'm going to part II this until tomorrow as its getting late and I want to stick on point).

 

[Jerry Atrick]

I didn't really decide to start taking anti-depressants. The decision was made for me when I ended up in an inpatient facility after a suicide attempt when I was 25 years old. Over the past 17 years I've managed to stay on one AD or another plus an AP. But during that first hospital stay, I remember the pills they gave me affected my heart rate and I could actually "feel' them. After that wore off and ever since, I have never "felt" an AD. I just felt better and knew they worked.

As far as anti-psychotics are concerned. Seroquel made me super drowsy 24 hrs a day. Risperdal made it to where I could experience orgasm but not cum. Risperdal also caused anhedonia. Abilify has been the AP that I've been on the longest and the one that has given me the fewest or zero side effects.

Just last month at another inpatient facility, the docs began tapering me off my anti-depressant and replaced it with Lithium as a mood stabilizer. A few of us in the hospital joked about Kurt Cobain writing a song about LIthium. I just hope I don't eventually meet his fate. Don't worry, I feel better and no suicidality here.

 

[Hippy Flower Fairy]

Just last month at another inpatient facility, the docs began tapering me off my anti-depressant and replaced it with Lithium as a mood stabilizer

I've tried so many antidepressants for my mental health issues, my doctors are to scared to give me anything as I have such bad side effects, maybe they should just put me on Lithium

 

[thegreenhand]

so today is day 5 of wellbutrin xl 150 mg. i am unsure the clinical benefit of extended release (XL) bupropion vs. sustained release (SR) but this is what the doc prescribed me.

i was pretty adamant that i didnt want to try another SSRI and she was on board with that. initially she recommended duloxetine but after explaining my issues with sexual side effects from the first two SSRIs so we opted for a drug that is mainly active via dopamine and norepinephrine modulation.

experience wise it is stimulating in a startled sense if that makes sense. not euphoric or focusing. more like when your heart drops after being startled. i've had to take 25 mg hydroxyzine for sleep every night with it.

the bright side is that this psychiatrist seems to be ok with giving me say in how we play around with all the drugs. i brought up the possibility of TMS which she says is only done alongside a medication. i wish that werent the case. somehow, magnets running over my head feels less invasive than long term pharmacotherapy...

 

[Jerry Atrick]

I've tried so many antidepressants for my mental health issues, my doctors are to scared to give me anything as I have such bad side effects, maybe they should just put me on Lithium

It was very bizarre but the hospital I was in seemed to prescribe Lithium to all the patients I talked to on the inside. I have Schizoaffective d/o, bipolar type and they gave me Lithium to replace my AD. A friend I made there is bipolar and on Seroquel and they prescribed him Lithium as well. Three or four other people I talked to were all prescribed Lithium by the hospital. Regardless of their prescribing Lithium to everyone there and despite the fact that it was not my choice to start the med, it still seems to be working for me.

 

[thegreenhand]

So far suicidal thoughts seem to be much more prevalent and intrusive… probably not the way things should be trending

I have an appt with the psychiatrist in about a week so we’ll see what she says

 

[dalpat077]

So far suicidal thoughts seem to be much more prevalent and intrusive… probably not the way things should be trending

I have an appt with the psychiatrist in about a week so we’ll see what she says

I feel really bad for not responding to the above when I first saw it posted. Sorry.

For what it's worth: worsening of suicidal thoughts and ideation is not uncommon with most of the usual suspect anti-depressants when first embarking on a treatment. So don't go worrying yourself too much about this (although I'm probably a day or three late here unfortunately). Just as long as they don't persist over time is the key. This is but one of the reasons why these Ketamine treatments are touted as being really wonderful when initially embarking on a course of treatment with oral anti-depressants (adequately covered in at least two other threads by none other than yours truly).

I hate sharing this type of shit to be honest: but I'm one of the lucky ones i.e. where good 'ol Prozac (Flouxetine) is the bomb for me and from day one and with no side-effects. Some (new) GP a while back decided it was a good idea to prescribe Wellbutrin (knowing full well that Fluoxetine had worked very well before). That shit turned me into a raving lunatic (well relatively speaking anyway).

Unfortunately it is indeed hit and miss I'd say and may take time to find the right one that works for you. But don't get discouraged i.e. it may take some time but it'll be worth it in the end. Also worth bearing in mind that for most people and with most of these anti-depressants they take time to work i.e. anywhere between four to six weeks and up to three months to be fully effective. After such periods of time have elapsed whatever possible listed adverse side-effects as indicated should disappear. When working correctly: they're the type of things that you shouldn't be aware of i.e. only if/when you stop taking them does it become obvious that they were indeed doing their job. Kinda like conspicuous only their absence. Also worth mentioning that it's very possible that this could be a lifetime commitment i.e. they're not a cure but an ongoing treatment (but that all depends on the cause of your depression of course i.e. could be genetic, could be due to a temporary chemical imbalance, or simply due to an adverse set of circumstances that may be temporary). Also worth mentioning that correct dosage also counts (and that can take some time to determine and is an art in and of itself).

Below is a fairly decent link and that lists just about every anti-depressant known to man (it will take you directly to the Wellbutrin section which I was looking at for you but be sure to check out the main index/list).

Bupropion (Wellbutrin) | NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness

Bupropion is an antidepressant medication approved for the treatment of major depressive disorder, seasonal affective disorder (SAD), and to help people quit smoking (smoking cessation).

www.nami.org

Anyway. Let us (me) know how you get on and what the psychiatrist says.

 

[thegreenhand]

Thanks @dalpat077

i have my psychiatrist appt in a few hours, so I’ll update once it’s over

and yeah I know that suicidal thoughts can happen with these sorts of drugs. Especially in younger folks I’ve read. and given that I’m 20, I guess I’m more prone to it

I wish ketamine therapy was available to me but my understanding is that you need to be “treatment” resistant i.e. two different drugs have failed for you.

also in the US the esketamine nasal spray is the only form of it that is easily covered by insurance. Racemic ketamine infusions (which the literature indicates are more effective) generally are an out of pocket expense which runs about $500 per session…