Prayforpills
Greenlighter
I joined this website around a month before Halloween of 2016. I posted a very ignorant question about IVing suboxene, which I just looked over a minute ago and was astounded of how uneducated I was and how another user had commented saying to stop while I was ahead and not get into IVing. I truly do wish that I would have looked back on that post and maybe it would have gotten through to me, because back then I never could have predicted I'd be where I am now. I should of known, yet I was ignorant to the life of opiate addiction and how easily you could become addicted and how quickly it could destroy your life....
So, a lot has obviously changed since that post. Basically, I was inquiring about some injuries that I had got while IVing suboxene when filtering with cotton (stupid, i know) and spoke of how I picked up the habit with a boyfriend and his best friend. They were long time users.
I was using a decent amount of drugs casually while heavily drinking for a good few years before meeting them, yet I had never IVed any nor even ever thought about it. Needles made me cringe and I could barely get my blood drawn without feeling sick and almost passing out. I find myself one night with my then-boyfriend's best friend trying to convince me to try shooting up coke with him. I object, saying I'd rather snort it while he insists I must! shoot up because it feels much more amazing then snorting it. like "nothing I've ever felt before" I'm a curious person and eventually I just sort of cave. My depression is extremely bad at this point and my alcoholism didn't help. I can't even look as he injects me, and he's shaking a storm from the coke he injected earlier. It was an extremely painful experience, yet the feeling after he finally gets it.... it felt at the moment to be one of the best decisions of my life yet ended up being one of the worst.
I'd never used opiates besides hydros before meeting them. The best friend of my then-boyfriend ended up dying a month after that post from an overdose of heroin and xanax that is believed to be intentional. The then-boyfriend gets me to use h with him the night of the death, insisting it's the only way to feel better. I do because I was crying for hours and desperate to avoid the situation. I only use 3 times before the then-boyfriend goes back to his home state. His best friend's mom begs me to not get into heroin. To stop now and have a chance at life and to leave my then boyfriend, who she says is troubled. I do leave him and discontinue using.
I was sober for 7 months shortly after and never thought I'd use again. Met a former user, started dating him, and he relapsed and I did too. Got really bad into my addiction with him for six months, where we really did nothing besides use all day and never really went out bc he seemed to have never want to. we were both getting really unhealthy, especially him. One night when he found out he was getting evicted (bc of needles everywhere in his apt) and we were fighting and i was hinting around at ending our relationship he threatened to try to kill himself and then took a whole gram and shot it, and fell out. I used narcan on him and he fell out again after 20 mins so I had to call the ambulance. The whole thing was pretty overwhelming and I convinced him to go back to his homestate california and get help. He did.
I ended up getting back with the first ex who's friend died after he lied about having a sober place and since i was trying to be sober, he said "I could live there rent free until I got a job"! Also said he was offering as a friend since I did not want to date. He ended up not being sober and was strung out passed out on the bathroom floor when I arrived and he ended up trying to get back with me which I fell for. We ended up using another 7 months and he was emotionally abusive and awful. I wanted to get sober towards the end of it and he kept ruining any chance I had since he was using behind my back and I'd find needles hidden everywhere. He constantly stole from me to support his addiction. I finally left him after he went from emotional abusive to physical and tried to strangle me to death during an argument which left a red mark on my neck, and in an effort to feel emotionally distant from myself after all the hell and emotional drain I endured by foolishly sticking around for all that, I kept using by myself or with friends. Although I know I also used it as an excuse. I feel useless at this point and defeated. I've been using for over a year now with short moments of sobriety. I'm still using, often alone yet sometimes with my best friend. I'm fully addicted to heroin and I don't know how to stop or even how to start picking my life back together ever since it derailed into a self perpetuated hell I lived in while constantly shooting myself up with heroin in whatever co dependent relationship I found myself.
So I'm 25 now. Finally went to rehab 30 days. Didn't get much back emotionally, just got physically better a bit. Went in at 104 ibs. I'm a 5'5" female so that's pretty underweight. Came out over 20 ibs fatter, at my regular weight of 124 ibs because there was not much to do there besides eat. I went back home after they failed me pretty badly and didn't help me set up an IOP so i could move into sober living and then I just relapsed and now I'm strung out alone and feeling completely depressed and unmotivated. I'm strung out typing this knowing anyday I'm going to use too much and end up overdosing since I keep using alone and I don't even know if I care anymore or how to even care anymore.
If you actually read through this and can relate at all, I applaud you and let me know. So anyways, that's my story of how I became a junkie. I don't think I've ever felt so alone
So, a lot has obviously changed since that post. Basically, I was inquiring about some injuries that I had got while IVing suboxene when filtering with cotton (stupid, i know) and spoke of how I picked up the habit with a boyfriend and his best friend. They were long time users.
I was using a decent amount of drugs casually while heavily drinking for a good few years before meeting them, yet I had never IVed any nor even ever thought about it. Needles made me cringe and I could barely get my blood drawn without feeling sick and almost passing out. I find myself one night with my then-boyfriend's best friend trying to convince me to try shooting up coke with him. I object, saying I'd rather snort it while he insists I must! shoot up because it feels much more amazing then snorting it. like "nothing I've ever felt before" I'm a curious person and eventually I just sort of cave. My depression is extremely bad at this point and my alcoholism didn't help. I can't even look as he injects me, and he's shaking a storm from the coke he injected earlier. It was an extremely painful experience, yet the feeling after he finally gets it.... it felt at the moment to be one of the best decisions of my life yet ended up being one of the worst.
I'd never used opiates besides hydros before meeting them. The best friend of my then-boyfriend ended up dying a month after that post from an overdose of heroin and xanax that is believed to be intentional. The then-boyfriend gets me to use h with him the night of the death, insisting it's the only way to feel better. I do because I was crying for hours and desperate to avoid the situation. I only use 3 times before the then-boyfriend goes back to his home state. His best friend's mom begs me to not get into heroin. To stop now and have a chance at life and to leave my then boyfriend, who she says is troubled. I do leave him and discontinue using.
I was sober for 7 months shortly after and never thought I'd use again. Met a former user, started dating him, and he relapsed and I did too. Got really bad into my addiction with him for six months, where we really did nothing besides use all day and never really went out bc he seemed to have never want to. we were both getting really unhealthy, especially him. One night when he found out he was getting evicted (bc of needles everywhere in his apt) and we were fighting and i was hinting around at ending our relationship he threatened to try to kill himself and then took a whole gram and shot it, and fell out. I used narcan on him and he fell out again after 20 mins so I had to call the ambulance. The whole thing was pretty overwhelming and I convinced him to go back to his homestate california and get help. He did.
I ended up getting back with the first ex who's friend died after he lied about having a sober place and since i was trying to be sober, he said "I could live there rent free until I got a job"! Also said he was offering as a friend since I did not want to date. He ended up not being sober and was strung out passed out on the bathroom floor when I arrived and he ended up trying to get back with me which I fell for. We ended up using another 7 months and he was emotionally abusive and awful. I wanted to get sober towards the end of it and he kept ruining any chance I had since he was using behind my back and I'd find needles hidden everywhere. He constantly stole from me to support his addiction. I finally left him after he went from emotional abusive to physical and tried to strangle me to death during an argument which left a red mark on my neck, and in an effort to feel emotionally distant from myself after all the hell and emotional drain I endured by foolishly sticking around for all that, I kept using by myself or with friends. Although I know I also used it as an excuse. I feel useless at this point and defeated. I've been using for over a year now with short moments of sobriety. I'm still using, often alone yet sometimes with my best friend. I'm fully addicted to heroin and I don't know how to stop or even how to start picking my life back together ever since it derailed into a self perpetuated hell I lived in while constantly shooting myself up with heroin in whatever co dependent relationship I found myself.
So I'm 25 now. Finally went to rehab 30 days. Didn't get much back emotionally, just got physically better a bit. Went in at 104 ibs. I'm a 5'5" female so that's pretty underweight. Came out over 20 ibs fatter, at my regular weight of 124 ibs because there was not much to do there besides eat. I went back home after they failed me pretty badly and didn't help me set up an IOP so i could move into sober living and then I just relapsed and now I'm strung out alone and feeling completely depressed and unmotivated. I'm strung out typing this knowing anyday I'm going to use too much and end up overdosing since I keep using alone and I don't even know if I care anymore or how to even care anymore.
If you actually read through this and can relate at all, I applaud you and let me know. So anyways, that's my story of how I became a junkie. I don't think I've ever felt so alone

Last edited: