Antiprosynthesis
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 15, 2022
- Messages
- 1,150
I can really relate to what you say about not wanting to go to sleep and get really exhausted and so on, i have exactly the same thing!When i start my binge, the first night is always horrible and i don't enjoy the high at all, actually i hate to be high and just wait The second night to come. Amphetamine IS the worst, meth is easier for me.
I have used stims almost 20 years on and off. Nowadays i take stims maybe once or twice a month and i must have several grams of amph or at least .75 Crystal meth to "complete" my binges, i want to stay up several days and want to really exhaust myself before sleep, i can't or want to sleep not feeling satisfied with being awake long enough. It's not very good for health or mental health but when i do binge those almost a week long binges, i feel fully satisfied and not want to take stims for a long time. Actually If i must choose to take some stim only one Day and night i'd say no thanks.
However, i dont really fully enjoy it, the longer it takes the more it turns into suffering, but somehow and for some reason i to some extent find some sick type of joy in that suffering, in being completely exhausted and sleep deprived... the only way i know to try to explain this more clearly is to in some ways compare it to a very intense and long lasting sportive work out by which all your muscles hurt like hell, you are out of breath and completely exhausted yet feeling actually satisfaction due to all of this... it really is something curious...