Tieeurrrop
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 19, 2018
- Messages
- 87
I just somehow need to feel safe that my life won't spiral out of control just from trying 10ml but my mind keeps spiking with anxiety of 'what if this, what if that' then I despise myself even more for being too afraid to try and just do nothing and stay stuck in life.
I want to try it so badly for the purported pro social effects. All of my soul crushing depression is caused by my misanthropic mindset but I can't just 'snap out of it'. If I could just find a substance that I could take acutely (I stress acutely not all the time!) to push me to socialize I could change my life - I know how to communicate once I have made first contact but I feel like there is an impenetrable barrier of cynicism and negativity preventing me from doing so.
Stimulants are able to reverse this mindset but they also destroy me psychologically and physically when they wear off the so the price is too high. If GHB could contain even 1/2 of the pro social effects of mdma or dopamine type stimulants (which I read it does and more) without the aforementioned destruction that could be seriously life changing. I absolutely don't want to be on something 24/7 like anti-depressants, or do stupid talk therapy where they just tell you 'there there'. I know exactly what my problem is! I just need a tool to push me through it.
I don't want any lectures about going the 'traditional route'. I tried that stuff and it isn't for me. I believe finding the correct molecule to change your brain chemistry in the correct circumstances (acutely not chronically) can do more than that stuff could. I know exactly what my problem is as I said above and I don't need to waste time discussing it or waiting months to get an audience with doctors.
I have used other substances successfully before to no ill effect such as kratom it is just EVERY time that I try a possibly addictive substance now days I get so focused and obsessed with the worst case side effects and just ruminate on them ad infinitum.
This though is a symptom of my depression I think, the depression which is caused by lack of human contact causing me to blow things out of proportion, and I am too afraid to try a substance which may allow me some freedom from this plight, so it is a self perpetuating machine.
I just want to try it and be able to decide from a position of experience whether it would be for me or not yet I feel like a prisoner of my mind.
I had this exact same fear before ordering kratom before I had even tried it as I was obsessed thinking it would be a road to opiate addiction as it being an opioid was a huge spector in my mind (and that came to nothing once I finally tried it and got over my irrational fear).
I would just like opinions as to how to acheive this goal of trying GHB in a safe manner and not to be talked out of it. I admit that it might not even be for me once I tried it but I want to have actually tried it to know for sure so I can cross it off the list. I just somehow need to suppress my overactive critical thinking faculties, or somehow be persuaded it won't end in catastrophe, to more reasonable levels long enough to order and try it.
I want to try it so badly for the purported pro social effects. All of my soul crushing depression is caused by my misanthropic mindset but I can't just 'snap out of it'. If I could just find a substance that I could take acutely (I stress acutely not all the time!) to push me to socialize I could change my life - I know how to communicate once I have made first contact but I feel like there is an impenetrable barrier of cynicism and negativity preventing me from doing so.
Stimulants are able to reverse this mindset but they also destroy me psychologically and physically when they wear off the so the price is too high. If GHB could contain even 1/2 of the pro social effects of mdma or dopamine type stimulants (which I read it does and more) without the aforementioned destruction that could be seriously life changing. I absolutely don't want to be on something 24/7 like anti-depressants, or do stupid talk therapy where they just tell you 'there there'. I know exactly what my problem is! I just need a tool to push me through it.
I don't want any lectures about going the 'traditional route'. I tried that stuff and it isn't for me. I believe finding the correct molecule to change your brain chemistry in the correct circumstances (acutely not chronically) can do more than that stuff could. I know exactly what my problem is as I said above and I don't need to waste time discussing it or waiting months to get an audience with doctors.
I have used other substances successfully before to no ill effect such as kratom it is just EVERY time that I try a possibly addictive substance now days I get so focused and obsessed with the worst case side effects and just ruminate on them ad infinitum.
This though is a symptom of my depression I think, the depression which is caused by lack of human contact causing me to blow things out of proportion, and I am too afraid to try a substance which may allow me some freedom from this plight, so it is a self perpetuating machine.
I just want to try it and be able to decide from a position of experience whether it would be for me or not yet I feel like a prisoner of my mind.
I had this exact same fear before ordering kratom before I had even tried it as I was obsessed thinking it would be a road to opiate addiction as it being an opioid was a huge spector in my mind (and that came to nothing once I finally tried it and got over my irrational fear).
I would just like opinions as to how to acheive this goal of trying GHB in a safe manner and not to be talked out of it. I admit that it might not even be for me once I tried it but I want to have actually tried it to know for sure so I can cross it off the list. I just somehow need to suppress my overactive critical thinking faculties, or somehow be persuaded it won't end in catastrophe, to more reasonable levels long enough to order and try it.