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How can i kill my sex drive for 14 plus days

It is very hard now to get opiods in America. That wasn't always the case.
I think its even hrder in Spain. And if theres an addiction in your health history....no way man!!impossible mission. I read people on morphine here. In Spain its like almost none is on morphine for highs, only for pain relief. Ive never ever seen a morphine pill( im 45)
 
I wasmt sure of this should be in S&R or here, sorry if its out of place mods.

My girlfriend is going to be away for two weeks, im a horny peice of shit, id never cheat on her, but sexual frusteration has consistantly made me argumentative and i self harm more at times compulsively.
I picked up 200 8mg codeine and used 100 of them to make a refined CWE that i plan ok usimg for the next dew days, ive used opioids in the past but luckily i have a low tollerence now. This should help breifly, should the next step be touring the local pharmascene for more BTC dope, or would loperamide kill libido as it is a (peripherally selective) opioid?
Im out of meth but might score crack next week and i know i wouldnt stop hitting that till its gone. I have half a gram of ketamine but i promised a friend a the other half from gram and cant afford more. What are some ways i can become temporarily impotent
Methadone
 
Masterbation is touch by my own hand by my own control. So much so so much different that making love with the only one i wish to spend the rest of time with

Sure partnered sex is different, there's the whole intimacy aspect etc. But you can't rely on your partner to be your sole source of sexual pleasure, that's very unhealthy.

Plus the distinct advantage of doing it yourself is that you know exactly from moment to moment where and how you wanna be touched. Try approaching it with the mindset of making love to yourself. Sounds cheesy, I know. But it helps with learning to think that you deserve to enjoy yourself, aren't revolting and so on. I also have a ton of issues around my body image and it can be difficult to get in the moment.

Basically I'm saying have a go at really spoiling yourself just like you would a partner. Have a nice warm bath to relax and get the circulation going. Don't just go straight for the dick, but stroke your belly, the inside of your legs, your butt, your chest ; whatever your most erogenous zones are. Experiment with some stimulating or scented lube, it can really enhance the experience. Focus on the sensations, not your looks, and make it a real 20 min or so session, without thinking about anything but how best to have fun.
 
Sure partnered sex is different, there's the whole intimacy aspect etc. But you can't rely on your partner to be your sole source of sexual pleasure, that's very unhealthy.

Plus the distinct advantage of doing it yourself is that you know exactly from moment to moment where and how you wanna be touched. Try approaching it with the mindset of making love to yourself. Sounds cheesy, I know. But it helps with learning to think that you deserve to enjoy yourself, aren't revolting and so on. I also have a ton of issues around my body image and it can be difficult to get in the moment.

Basically I'm saying have a go at really spoiling yourself just like you would a partner. Have a nice warm bath to relax and get the circulation going. Don't just go straight for the dick, but stroke your belly, the inside of your legs, your butt, your chest ; whatever your most erogenous zones are. Experiment with some stimulating or scented lube, it can really enhance the experience. Focus on the sensations, not your looks, and make it a real 20 min or so session, without thinking about anything but how best to have fun.
This and the thread as a whole has made me realize i have alot of problems with my body image, and self hatred, im not sure how to go about getting help with this, its a very embarrasing thing for me to speak about to my psychiatrist, and i dont think psychiatry is the right positition for this problem. I do not have a therapist, and i didnt realize how much i lack self love, when i masterbate i mostly feel disgust at myself and afterwards i feel unfulfilled and shamefull. Not sure where to go from here, or how to change my behaviours with the faculties i have. I used to be able to masterbate normally before my psychosis developed at the start of 2022, i have had very low libido the last few months since i stopped abusing hard stimulants, but the last time i used crack or meth it was still devoid of self pleasure or the urge to engage in any.
 
My body is characture of my self, im decoratted with the scar tissue of a performative self, i see nothing worth loving unless adorned or atleast pittied by a peer who can see me through eyes that arent my own. My own eyes see nothing but a beaten victim of mutiliation performed entirely by my own inherently self destructive attempts at finding something long lost in my self, that realistically no longer could become tangible.
 
I don't really know what the answer is here, clearly you have a lot of issues with self image and self loathing and the endgame here is to learn to love yourself.

The bit in the middle, is easier said than done and everybody's journey is different, but the answer is more likely to come from yourself than anybody else. I think the first step may simply be realizing that you don't actually want to hate yourself, and going from there.

I don't think that the scars can be the reason you hate yourself, or the primary reason you have a negative body image. They're more like a symptom, or a physical representation of your insecurity and just like every other aspect of your self you are most certainly capable of learning to love them in time.

Once you realize that I think it'll become painfully obvious that all kinds of people are capable of loving you and everything about you too.

Good luck.

PS, if you want to nuke your sex drive for a while ketamine is the surest thing I've ever come across.

Edited for grammar and clarity.
 
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My body is characture of my self, im decoratted with the scar tissue of a performative self, i see nothing worth loving unless adorned or atleast pittied by a peer who can see me through eyes that arent my own. My own eyes see nothing but a beaten victim of mutiliation performed entirely by my own inherently self destructive attempts at finding something long lost in my self, that realistically no longer could become tangible.

Well that's a bit 'existential philosophical' for describing self-harm if I may say so, but if that's what you're saying, I also self-injure.
Everybody's reasons are different and I think especially in men it's often downplayed or not acknowledged because turning aggression or distress against yourself is seen as a 'female' behaviour, more specifically one associated with neurotic attention-seeking teenage girls.
Personally I cut because I have this thing where I think I don't deserve to look after myself unless I have something tangibly, physically wrong with me.
I dunno what the motivations are for you. But try to see it like battle scars. Even if what you're fighting is inside of your own head.
 
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