how can i kick/kick down this huge habit

[lifeguardsleeps]

hi everyone, im a long time lurker, occasional poster

I had started using heroin about two or three years ago and never had any real money, so my habit never got too bad. I would use a few bags a day for a week and then be sick the next week. I couldnt take the constant bouts of dopesickness, so i got clean.

i got clean for a year, and got a new addiction, which was making money working at my two legal jobs and going to school. i felt bad if i wasnt doing something i felt was "productive" this caused me to become depressed which caused me to start shooting dope again.

unfortunately i had a lot of money put away, so my habit got bad pretty fast i was shooting over 10 bags a day. i spent all the money so i went on suboxones. i lost one of my jobs and graduated school so i had more time to devote to heroin.

anyways i was selling my subs so my mom wouldnt buy them for me anymore. i didnt like being sick all the time, so i started doing some illegal activities and now my habit is like 30 bags a day just to stay well. i am spending 500-600 dollars a day. i feel like i am in a constant state of anxiety just trying to get that next hundred dollars and i can barely even keep myself well. any time i try to socialize or do something that doesnt involve getting money, or using drugs, i feel anxious, like im "wasting my time"

i only have one person who really cares about me and wants me to get clean, and he got a prescription of suboxone for himself, so that i can start taking them when im ready. the problems are 1. i cant wait the 24 hours in order to take the subs. 2. my habit is huge and i dont even think they'll help. i really want to cut down to like 10 bags a day before i start taking the subs.

so my question is how can i cut down my dope habit in order to start taking the subs? also, how can i start feeling human again and stop worrying about the next high so much?

i will be back on here later cause the hotel im staying at has a free computer. i hope u guys have put some good responses. thanks!

 

[lazywhitefox]

this may not be what you want to hear but rehab is definitely your best option. They will help ease the withdrawals (to an extent) and will orchestrate a maintenance program for you when you are discharged. Many rehabs don't utilize suboxone/methadone so if you do decide to get help, do some research and find one that does. Or, even better (but much harder) is to suffer the pain of withdrawal in a medical facility (rehab), be patient with PAWS and never touch that shit again. Once we get through the initial part of putting down the drugs (which is the hardest part and lasts a few months) a HUGE weight has been lifted and we start feeling like the person that perhaps we were meant to be



Addicts like us ALWAYS think about that next one (especially when we have already taken that first one). We aren't like other folks who can use recreationally.

EXCELLENT answer. But if you do find a way to just take that first drug and then not worry about the next one, PLEASE LET ME KNOW!!!!!

 

[cj]

I think its rehab or methadone I think your right about habit being too big for suboxone. Plus if you got on subs you would just end up selling them like before.

 

[ErikTheRed]

I generally think subs are a better route to eventually kick an opiate addiction, but with the ceiling dose of 32mg or so it may not be enough to hold a habit like yours.

Methadone might be the way to go, because it is a stricter system where they really keep an eye on you, whereas with suboxone you usually fill your script every month after a short Dr. visit. Going on methadone will be a big improvement IMO. You'll only spend a short amount of time at the clinic especially compared to hustling all day. This will give you some time to get your life back on track and you'll get a chance to make some coin and get your affairs in order to prepare for rehab.

Rehab would be wise, as they give you a personalized treatment to get back on track. And that sounds like what you need in light of your addictive personality and issues with depression.

 

[Lolie]

It sounds like you might need a highly controlled environment in which to get clean and stay clean - probably some kind of residential detox and rehab programme which will keep you away not just from the drugs for a while but from the whole lifestyle which supports your drug use.

 

[lifeguardsleeps]

I think its rehab or methadone I think your right about habit being too big for suboxone. Plus if you got on subs you would just end up selling them like before.

My friend with the subs knows about the selling and would watch me take each dose so he knows im not selling them or doing dope. There is a methadone place right across the street from the hotel im staying at ironically, but the waiting list is so freaking long. I am in Cleveland does anyone know how I can get on methadone faster than 6 months?

I tried going to rehab while I was selling the suboxones, and i walked out. I couldn't tolerate the boredom, the rude staff, not being able to smoke cigarettes when I want to, etc.

I think the best would be if there was a rehab that would just make me take the subs correctly, like get started on maintenance, but I haven't found one that lets you take your subs.

From this thread, and my own experience, I am thinking trying methadone would be my best option, because even when my habit was like 10-15 bags the suboxone didn't take away all of my withdrawal symptoms, which is why I found it difficult to stay with the program.