How bad is it?

[Azanliz]

So, I know I'm addicted to drugs. Meth as my main drug of choice, but also have abused heroin and a few other heavier drugs. I've been I recovery on and off for a year now, and I just relapsed after 2 months clean this time around.
I've been up for 3 or 4 days (since initial relapse usage I have not slept), only managed to get a small 3 hour nap in that. Haven't eaten anything but a nibble on some cashews. Over amping on a laced batch one day resulted In some Serious chest pain , nausea, sweating, shortness of breath and extreme fatigue.
the thought of food makes me sick, and I always get stuck doing something when I intended to go to sleep (usually I get stuck doing more dope).
Today I'm planning to go out to eat and forcing a meal down.
I was just wandering what's gonna happen if I keep this shitty pattern going? Using less doesn't really work for me, it's not really possible. So I know I'm fucked off, I just want to get an idea of whats gonna happen if I keep this up?
Thanks.

 

[herbavore]

While I can't know for certain what will happen specifically, one thing is for sure: you will continue to fall further down the rabbit hole of using/feeling worse about yourself/using more etc. Is there any way for you to focus on what led you to recovery initially and try again? One of the worst traps of addiction is the fatalistic thinking ("there is nothing I can do. When I try, I fail"). Then the guilt sets in and cements that thinking even further. Try to step outside that loop altogether. Tell yourself that you are in a protracted battle for your own life and that this is just one more skirmish. Try to understand what led you back. No doubt it was deeper than just needing to get high. Until you can face and begin to heal the deeper pain in your life you cannot expect the motivation to stop using.

The fact that you have been having chest pains is worrying. I hope that you can find the strength just for today to break the cycle. It's a good plan to get a meal in you and I hope that you get some sleep, too.

 

[Cherrysoduh]

Although I have never done meth. My DOC is opiates. I have seen friends and friends of friends travel down the road of meth. I have a friend of a friend who lost his family, job, home, everything because of meth. He is currently in jail which is probably the best place for him right now sadly.

Someone else who I went to school with decided to cook their own meth in a apartment and it blew up. 2 people in that apartment died, and then 2 people in another apartment died. The cookers survived and faced numerous charges including federal charges. They are in prison for life. They cooked, from what I hear because they ran out of money and it was more cost effective for them to cook.

Bottom line if you continue to use I don't think it's if it's more of when you will hit rock bottom. Everyone's rock bottom is different. Being broke, losing family, losing a job, ODing, or even death. When the later occurs you then have no choice to quit.

I'm struggling myself as I said. It's a tough tough dirty fight but I remember what my life was like before the drugs. And I want that life and that girl back. Best of luck to you.