How bad did your life become during the height of addiction?

[mymindisgoo]

jails hold people fer about a year. so if yer sentence is longer than a year you get sent to prison.

 

[paranoid android]

jails hold people fer about a year. so if yer sentence is longer than a year you get sent to prison.

Wow it must really fucking suck to get locked up in the states. Here in canada or atleast where i live they only hold you in jail for a few days then it's down to the prison. Both of them are like stalin era gulag only older

The worst ive ever been was when i was deep into alcoholism. I was a complete fucking mess to say the least and no cunt with any sense wanted anything to do with me. I dropped down to about 145lbs for awile because i never ate (why eat when you can drink 8) ), i was violent, really wreckless and miserable. IV opiates have never come close to bringing me as low as the bottle did. If i hadent have quit when i did i would be dead now or doing time.

I havent had a single drink now since around the first of august so im proud of myself there. I had a bad patch in early summer but except for a few slipups ive been off the booze since late 2003.

 

[CharlesTheHammer]

Alcoholism can be bad

Wow it must really fucking suck to get locked up in the states. Here in canada or atleast where i live they only hold you in jail for a few days then it's down to the prison. Both of them are like stalin era gulag only older

The worst ive ever been was when i was deep into alcoholism. I was a complete fucking mess to say the least and no cunt with any sense wanted anything to do with me. I dropped down to about 145lbs for awile because i never ate (why eat when you can drink 8) ), i was violent, really wreckless and miserable. IV opiates have never come close to bringing me as low as the bottle did. If i hadent have quit when i did i would be dead now or doing time.

I havent had a single drink now since around the first of august so im proud of myself there. I had a bad patch in early summer but except for a few slipups ive been off the booze since late 2003.

Yeah, when I moved to the city in December of '98, like the very next day, i started meeting other H addicts for the first time, and I was like 31, and everyone else was between 25-40. Well, there was this older guy who was 60. I noticed that he only did H occasionally when someone hooked him up with a line, but he was an alcoholic, and had been for like 40 years!

I remember one day he came over to the 'boarding house'(or whatever you wouldve called it), and it was like 10am. He was shaking really bad, and I thought he was cold or something, but another guy told me it was alcohol withdraw..... I had a few bucks, and a liquor store was at the corner about 75 feet away, so I bought him 1/2 pint of vodka, and although he wouldve needed more later, it stopped the shakes he had.

The 2nd time(and last time) I went to detox, I was asleep and it was like 3am, then they brought in a guy who was to be my roomate while I was there, and when he came in the room, all the sudden there was this strong, horrible smell of regular Listerine mouth wash! This guy had been drinking bottles of Listerine all night, and was hammered off it! He had spilled it all over himself too!

 

[SubDude]

Noob question but in the united states How can you go to "jail "without being in prison? arent they more or less the same thing?

You're still behind bars. We have city and county jails here to hold people over for trial but on most non-violent felonies and misdemeaners you can bond out or released w/o bond pending trial. I'm sure England has similar legal system since we based ours on yours. I guess the jail/prison is only difference. Mymind is right... in most cases, if you get a sentence of more than a year, you go to prison and are locked up with rapists and killers who have long/hard time to do. From what I understand, there are a lot of county jails that are as bad or worse than prisons??

 

[CoffeeDrinker]

For me it was that one semester in college where I got 3 Ws and 3 Fs and that's it.
It was the end of a shitty loveless relationship that lasted way too long, it was the end of my "head in the clouds" demeanor and the beginning of my "you're a piece of shit" phase. During which time I had a really good run making fraudulent checks only to be found out a few months later and having my bank account freeze up. My parents could have called the cops on me so many times.....wtf...

 

[dankstersauce]

I remember when my heroin addiction got me real bad. My entire life consisted of copping dope in the morning, work 8-5, either cope dope at lunch or as soon as I got out, go home and drink myself to sleep.

I learned if I was short on dope I could just steal my dad's vodka and drink till I passed out so that I wouldn't stay up all night shooting dope. Quickly I couldn't support my habit, so every morning I'd have to hit my dad up for cash. And he knew it was for dope and he just gave it to me cuz he didn't know what the fuck to do with me. And he wasn't a rich dude, he was paying me with some of his retirement money.

Eventually the drugs made me so depressed. My girl got popped when she was copping and her parents wanted to kill me. We were gonna just kill ourselves and OD as soon as I got my paycheck. (I don't know how I stayed employed through this). Anyway as soon as I had the 25 bags of heroin I suddenly wasn't so depressed anymore. It was real good dope and 4 or 5 probably woulda dropped me. My girl was like positive she wanted to kill herself but as soon as I was high I wasn't gonna let that happen. Shit there was good dope out there, as long as I was alive I could keep getting high. That was my logic at the time.

After a few days we got arrested and both went to jail. My first time going to jail, kicking dope and booze 23 hours a day in a cell. After a month I got out, did rehab, halfway house, probation and got my life on track for a few years before relapsing again and again. Bad times.

 

[Seanjay]

edit.

 

[Kudders]

scars up and down my arms, borrowing money from family members, using as soon as i got up and numerous times a day to feel 'normal'....using at the job i had, constantly and finally - waking up in the hospital 23hrs after getting there - got their via my mother whom i woke up after being driven home by a stranger who saw me stumble out of the woods from the car i don't remember getting into around 5am

 

[Lord]

I started with pot, I went through some depersonalization and derealization almost immediately. After six months I became anxious, so I began abusing alcohol and sleeping pills (zopiclone). I also added 5-HTP to the mix, which worked well at first but made my weed highs stronger, made my anxiety and paranoia a lot worse. Then came Benadryl, tobacco, salvia, a bit of speed, and lorazepam. I also experimented lightly with dissociatives, psychedelics, and huge doses of THC.

I became very paranoid, stopped seeing friends, stopped answering the phone, was too physically and mentally weak to do anything, became very irritable and stopped liking anything. I felt edgy every night, started to hallucinate flashing zombies, voices, room-sized faces of the drug's 'spirit' talking to me. Sometimes I didn't dream at all, sometimes I had terrifying and vivid nightmares, usually about bad trips and death. I heard sirens and alarms all the time, felt like objects would eat me up (which my house did). Sometimes there was blood on the walls. The house usually looked like an abandoned hospital, mental institution, prison, meat locker or slaughterhouse.

I developed a fear of doors and doorways because I saw demonic legs for doorframes and when the door was closed I always felt like an assassin, sometimes a robot, was behind it, shaking with rage, about to kill me. Everything was always doomy and kind of like a PTSD flashback, hour after hour after hour.

If only kids knew what they were getting into.

 

[wtblife]

I don't really have a horror story tbh, but crashing from amp stopped me from graduating high school when I was already half way through senior year. First I got kicked out of the credit recovery program I was in because of attendance (I'd crash and be unable to get out of bed), then I switched to an alternative school to try and graduate still, but got kicked out of that as well for the same reason...

While at the alternative school my addiction was obvious and the other druggies there gave me the nickname Fiend because I couldn't go more than 2 hours without dosing some sort of amp. Took me a good year of doing nothing to figure shit out and not have amp pop into my head every time I did ANYTHING. I was used to relying on amp to function and it took me a good year and a half before I was even able to take my ADD meds in regular doses and not binge.

Nowadays the cravings are kind of back because I relapsed recently, but I have them under control for the most part and the idea of using disgusts me. So much was wrong with me while I was a tweaker, but I can't really describe it. I didn't even realize that my moodiness and inability to function without amp was related to my use at all. I didn't care that I had a few close calls, I just continued using.

I'm ridiculously lucky that I managed to get away without having many visible effects of my addiction, but who knows what I actually did to my body. Oh and the cravings still suck.

 

[PhrostByte]

Same as everyone else.. I'll spare the details since I think all addicts are pretty much the same.

What sucks is that I haven't stopped... I had about a month clean this last time and I've used sub like 3 times so far.. and dope twice.

Overall I don't feel bad though. I have no habit anymore... it's not so bad I guess.

 

[Legerity]

It's weird that period of my life feels almost like a dream, as if it didn't really happen.

I guess it was bad enough. Dropped out of college, couldn't hold a job, life consisted mostly of binging on speed for days, crashing, repeating. Coke and E were thrown in to mix it up a bit.

People could probably tell something was wrong with me just by looking...too skinny, glazed eyes, often wouldn't shower, bad acne.

I don't really have any regrets. I was pretty miserable before starting to use drugs, they just made my life more chaotic and allowed me to ignore a lot major issues that needed to be worked on.

But that period of time really did have a big impact on who I am today, so I wouldn't change it for anything.

 

[adicabrady]

There are so many things:not being there for my kids,being blasted while my parents were dying.I just thought of something kind of weird.

It was in my first few years of heroin addiction.My boyfriend and I had just copped and got off.His license was suspended but he still wanted to drive.We were getting on the highway and BOOM he hit a guy and the guy bounced off the windshield and fell to the ground,not moving.

This was in the Bronx,the cops and ambulance showed up.My boyfriend talked me into saying that I was driving being he was suspended.I was scared I would get a man slaughter charge or something equally bad.

All the sudden the guy that got hit,sat up and ran away from the ambulance.We all stood there stunned finally a cop says "Oh well,I guess you can leave".

When I was getting back in the car,one of the guys friends came over and explained that his friend was trying to make the liquor store before it closed.So his,mine and my boyfriend's addictions were all responsible for what happened.

 

[†∆†]

mood swings, no money, friends don't want to be with me anymore because of my erratic and aggressive behavior, i'd say i'm at an all time low point :'(

 

[theartofwar]

just wanted to add to this - no matter how bad the "height" might of been.... the current , the fallout , after serious addiction. Is fucking honestly worse it seems to me. Everyday now I say to myself "oh it's gonna get better / easier someday" , then I just have to laugh because I can't bullshit myself that much. Shit is worse and worse, maybe it's my mental health, maybe trying to get help w/PTSD is triggering it, but I couldn't be fucked with life for the most part. I go around like a zombie, I got energy sure, but I'm empty. I think about dying all the time, I think constantly about using. It's worse now than it was being homeless goin place to place... fuck man. I dunno, just steer clear if you possibly can for fucks sake do yourself a favor and save yourself from the shit it entails.

 

[SubDude]

My boyfriend talked me into saying that I was driving being he was suspended.I was scared I would get a man slaughter charge or something equally bad.

All the sudden the guy that got hit,sat up and ran away from the ambulance.We all stood there stunned finally a cop says "Oh well,I guess you can leave".

When I was getting back in the car,one of the guys friends came over and explained that his friend was trying to make the liquor store before it closed.So his,mine and my boyfriend's addictions were all responsible for what happened.

First off... hopefully your boyfriend is now your EX. It's unbelievable that someone who cares for another would expose them to something that horrible, just to save themselves. Back in my army days... He's the kinda guy the enemy wouldn't need to kill. We would have happily done it for them....

Somebody was definitely watching over you that day since your friend wasn't. The chances of someone getting up and running away from an ambulance after being hit by a car are astronomical. Twenty yrs in the insurance biz and never heard of that happening once... and I handled and supervised a lot of car/pedestrian claims. The guy was sitting on a small "goldmine" depending on his injury. He could have faked his way into $20-$30K.

 

[villian]

just wanted to add to this - no matter how bad the "height" might of been.... the current , the fallout , after serious addiction. Is fucking honestly worse it seems to me. Everyday now I say to myself "oh it's gonna get better / easier someday" , then I just have to laugh because I can't bullshit myself that much. Shit is worse and worse, maybe it's my mental health, maybe trying to get help w/PTSD is triggering it, but I couldn't be fucked with life for the most part. I go around like a zombie, I got energy sure, but I'm empty. I think about dying all the time, I think constantly about using. It's worse now than it was being homeless goin place to place... fuck man. I dunno, just steer clear if you possibly can for fucks sake do yourself a favor and save yourself from the shit it entails.

agreed.