• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Welcome How Are You in One Word vs wait! Just one?!

Status
Not open for further replies.
I have a new goal too. I am changing my career path from that of an engineer to a professional musician. An office job is simply not within the limits of my chronic pain condition, whereas seriously guitar practice 8 hours a day is. There is too much discrimination in the workplace against people with chronic pain as well. I felt obligated to be one for so long because of how tough the education was, but that was before my injury. I have to adapt now and use the skills I learned in school for something that is more reasonable for someone who lives with extreme chronic agony.

I am not at 8 hours daily yet but I will be soon. I am going to dedicate my life to this.
 
I'm just following my dreams... I ended up with most of a song tonight.

And today I was planning on practicing 8 hours, but I didn't sleep a wink last night : ( ... and one of those nights where you are actually trying to fall asleep, but just can't, as you are too tired to stay up and doing anything fun.

I've tried valerian, melatonin, vitamins, a huge breakfast pasta... still no rest. went for just a xanax at the moment (fuck), i should be able to wake up in the late afternoon and do a night shift. I view my guitar playing as a full time job now. I'm feeling a lot of hope since I made the decision to give up on engineering due to my chronic pain condition interfering way too much.
 
Last edited:
I had a fantastic weekend with an incredible guy who cooked for me, made dessert and got us a really nice room. We spent time in the jacuzzi. Just perfect all around!

Now I'm back home and depressed as fuck.
It just sucks when you have such a good time, then you get thrown back into your reality.

I cannot wait until I have money to get etizolam. It will make me feel good and I honestly want drugs. I just do. Etiz makes everything fun. No depression when I'm on it, though it comes with its own risks.
 
Fragile (that means approaching "crazy" but currently feeling anxious then spacing out. Rinse and repeat.)
 
Love

Not full blown, but I feel high as hell naturally every time I'm with her.
I haven't felt that in over 10 years and truly resigned myself to live a loveless life, and never thought it would be possible to feel like this ever again.
Its super cool.
 
^ I know the feeling. That's how I feel with a guy I like. I'm hoping he doesn't start changing on me because usually he sends a good morning text every morning, but now it seems he's starting to back off doing that. I hope I'm wrong and he's not changing now or distancing himself. I'm not saying anything to him until he initiates a conversation with me first today.

I don't want to be the one all over him. Plus, I don't like how he was talking about moving out of state in the future. We just started dating. It's a turn off to hear him talk about how he wants to leave this state someday. I just better not get attached. That's the thing with guys, once you sleep with them, they start acting stupid.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top