@Cosmic Giraffe
Sorry to hear your having issues.
I know you've been struggling with many issues in your life but seem to be moving in the right direction.
I hope that you find a way to reverse your motivational issues.
I realize that it's easier said than done as I tend to have the same issue.
Though ATM I am having so much going on in life that I have the opposite issue when it comes to BL.
Not having the time to get on & post or reply to PM's when I greatly wish to do so.
However, I wish you the best & hope that you continue to move on the right path.
I also am hoping that you find the inspiration that your needing & will try to send good vibes your way.
I wish there was more I can do but not being religious or overly spiritual it's the best I can do.

So good vibes & best of luck in finding inspiration & anything else you may need to feel better.
I haven't been on much lately & have little time now sadly enough.
So I haven't read back in the thread to see what has changed in your life since last I was on.
Regardless you have my support & hope; though it may not mean much. Feel free to PM me if you wish.
Though I may not get a chance to reply in a timely manner for which I apologize.
However I would do my best to reply as soon as life allows me the time to do so.
As for myself in 1 simple word.
STRESSED