How are you in One Word vs. A Smile is a Curve That Sets Everything Straight

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I am feeling good now, and sober too (something unusual for me). My arm infection had completely cleared up as of last night and was the same when I woke this morning. When at its worst, I almost died. It was massively swollen, red halfway down to my wrist and at least halfway up to my shoulder. Before it got to that severity, I went to the ER twice after my initial visit for nerve damage/numbness and weakness from sleeping on it for 12 hours. Those second two times, the doctors would not even touch the affected areas or let me describe the symptoms. The second time, the doctor gave me a minute or less, just diagnosing cellulitus, a skin infection. The infection was very deep and if he would have felt or allowed me to show him he would have seen it. My blood pressure plummeted to 50/32 at its lowest late that night as my family tried to get me to the car. They kept me alive and my blood pressure higher by making me wake up every time I passed out and making me move around, make noise, and shaking my body for hours.

Over the last six or seven hours, my elbow has swollen back up almost as bad. The redness has not spread much beyond my elbow yet but my arm is hot from my shoulder to a couple of inches below the elbow. It turns cold below that area through my hand and the left third or more of my hand is numb again. It would be pointless to go back to the ER as they would do nothing. I'll just have to wait until it gets really bad and hope it is not too late. But at the moment, I am fine.

They did not prescribe anything either last time but told me I needed to be on antibiotics.
I guess I have a really good immune system or something because I can fight off infection like a motherfucker. In my late teens, I injected mixtures of feces and water into my muscles to make myself sick or possibly cause death at least a dozen times and never got sick or even needed treatment for abscesses or anything like that.
 
Lost.

I'm with the girl of my dreams. I knocked her up. But I can't afford to support us. Abortion is imminent. It sucks cuz I can't imagine a better mother but at the same time I'm too broke to start a family. Besides addiction, I'm still lost. I know it's for the best. I'm just afraid I'm gonna lose the best girl to ever cross paths with me.
 
Lonely. Not in a bad way though. Feeling the desire of a partner/companionship, but not feeling a lack of one. I don't know the right word for this feeling.

Recently got out of a relationship with this guy I really liked and we connected so well. It was rough, but I've moved on now. Just curled up in my bed with my body pillow and tablet. My body produces MUCH more oxytocin than most people. I feel 'those feels' very strongly and simple thought or just curling up in bed will trigger it plenty. Let alone with a partner! Can be overwhelming... really feeds into my strong submissive side.

Edit- Boup, I can relate some. Not with girl stuff. But drug dependency, lost in this stage of life, and it causing turbulence with your partner who's the best you've ever come across. Then the relationship ending in my case. I feel with/for you. Hope you two can work theough the turbulence.
 
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Cold. I might actually have to turn on the heat this winter. :(
 
sick of everything. my friends expect me to solve their problems when I have so much stuff going on in my life right now.
 
^ ive heard how that feels, it sounds like you are still friends with people from the past, whilst you have dramatically progressed your own self

if its having a dramatically negative effect on yourself and how you view others around you, it could be time to let go some time in the future if they are not on a similar wavelength at all to you..

just an idea i had
 
^ that sounds pretty spot on, and I think that's what I need to do :)
 
^ that sounds pretty spot on, and I think that's what I need to do :)

im really glad i hit the mark for you

i just have one more thing to add

it occurred to me that if you have a deep love for the connection you shared with your friends, it could be worth studying this book carefully (Psychic Self Defense for Home and Office by Choa Kok Sui)
 
If u guys ever need someone to help lighten the load around here in the future I am willing and active. I've been through some pretty dark years so it's easy for me to relate, and I love to learn and spread love as well :)

I feel like I connect with the dark side the most of all the bl forums
 
If u guys ever need someone to help lighten the load around here in the future I am willing and active. I've been through some pretty dark years so it's easy for me to relate, and I love to learn and spread love as well :)

I feel like I connect with the dark side the most of all the bl forums

Same, only ever look in Recovery Support now. That and SLR for a bit of filth/emo too.:)
 
sleepy - i think the weather is going to make me hybernate again
 
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