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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

How Are You In One Word ver. Smile Because It Happened

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{Waiting}

In the emergency room with my sister. Borrowing her phone. Having to have my cast re-set because I broke it (and an extra finger to go with the other 2 fingers and 3 proximal phalangos(i think they're called?) bones).

At least this time I managed to refrain from punching my housemate again :/
 
Anxious. I have to go to a 4 hour long baby shower tomorrow. I'm not good with these types of things. Thankfully my best friend will be there as well and she's the same way with this kind of stuff.
 
A little overwhelmed with social invitations.

I brought this on myself when I forced myself to be more social with my friends... now I'm getting invites to things every weekend again. Just goes to show, put yourself out there and the invitations come rolling in. This isn't a bad thing... just taking a little time to get used to it.
 
Bewildered - realizing your time on earth is now limited, that there will never be any green lawns, white-picket fences, building a family, being a great scientist etc... So it begs the question, how to make the most useful time left in this existence? Maybe just focus on study, write a novel (even if just for personal introspection), try to stay happy (which will never happen with a bipolar person). I want leave at least something, and make sure people can see a happy person before I depart, rather than focusing on any negatives.

Not even 40mg temazepam can relax me at the moment. Seriously haven't felt this confused in a long time, actually nearly cried for the first time in years tonight.

I honestly don't necessarily fear death as I agree with J.B.S Haldane " my own suspicion is that the universe is not only queerer than we suppose, but queerer than we can suppose.. I suspect that there are more things in heaven and earth that are dreamed of, or can be dreamed of, in any philosophy," but the fact of knowing you're going to have your name called and it could be on the next second, or the next 5 years... it's freaky shit.

I guess it's just the regret of what COULD have been.
 
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