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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

How are you in ONE word?? v. pumpkin pie

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Tireeed.

Staying up for four consecutive nights has just hit me like a train to the face. I hate running out of drugs.
 
Dangerous/Harmful/depressed/Lower than shit

I'm glad I got rid of all the meds and pills and anything harmful in the house cause right now I have very serious suicidal thoughts. Only thing keeping me from harming myself is keeping me busy online. Emotional reck right now and I'm probably going to check my self into somewhere or hurt myself if this doesn't stop...or ....whatever....
 
@ONCOR--Do whatever you have to do to be safe and take care of yourself right now---don't think ahead, just do whatever it takes now. ((<3)) Sent you a PM

@Keaton--sorry to hear that. What's up? ((<3))
 
Irate and scared.

My stupid phone company decided it would be a great thing to screw up my service plan. I was facing $300 in overages thinking I had the unlimited plan I requested. I was going to the store today to sort why my bill was so high when it is supposed to be unlimited. I handled it with a service credit no less, but my phone was out half of today!!! One of the calls I missed may have been my aunt or cousin calling to tell me that my grandmother in NY is in the hospital after a car accident. I had to find out over FUCKING FACEBOOK.

Minor injuries considering my grandmother has osteoporosis and has broken her hip twice. But the big-deal thing? We have a clotting disorder that runs on her side, which my aunts and female cousins inherited - as did I. A blood clot was discovered in my Grammy's aorta, and they're putting a stent in now. It will be over $1K to fly to her. She is 81 years old, bore 7 children, and I will not get into the treatment she endured at the hands of her emotionally tyrannical husband who does not deserve to be called my grandfather.

I don't want to lose my Grammy, or for the next time I see her to be at her funeral.
 
@Mari: I'm so sorry to hear all of that. When it rains, it pours, no? I hope that she's able to recover from this, and that you'll be able to spend some good time with her soon. :)

ATM: Empty.
 
completely and utterly exhausted

Each time I feel like this I think that there is no possible way that I could ever feel MORE exhausted....
And then the next day I will feel even more exhausted than the day before :|

I need a holiday :(
 
WIRED: even though I haven't slept at all. I've been feeling so awake these past days, like a fuck you I don't need sleep attitude. Yet, my body is saying sleep but my mind is saying keep on going.
 
Less Emo but not 100% .... so maybe.... so-so?
We've decided against Lithium and risperidone and went with Depakote because I also am in remisson for Epilepsy and maybe taking a anti-convulsant/mood stabilizor will prevent all the issues I have with other mood stabilizors/anti-psychotics. We'll see. Still can't get my meds till Wednesday/Thursday :-(
 
Fried :(
Spent the last few days doin shit i shouldnt...
But pulled up ok to face the parents of guests without any paranioa or holy shit they know im not all there which i can always seem to do when it comes to my kid, the other shit immediatly gets put aside to focus on said task for her.
 
Struggling through physical pain for the first time in 3 years sober. So I'm alright but Agitated.
 
Confused

I think I'm sick. I don't feel good. I'm not used to being sick other than dopesick so I'm confused as to what I'm supposed to do now.


In my head, sick = the result of bad behavior

So now I'm feeling sick, and I know it's not because of something I did, but I still feel that way.
 
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