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How Are You In One Word v. I got a feelin'

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VanWeyden said:
PiP, hope you're feeling better! I don't know any details, but I'm with you in my thoughts!
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well, one day i suddenly had the immune-system for 3 people(27-25-30 wbc count), numerous arthritic conditions, 24/7 nausea and vomiting up what i would eat so that i would go 2-3-5 days with out being able to eat or swallow a pill just sip on milk or ice cream, tumors in my bladder and colon, stage 1 hyper tension, a allergic reaction to 2 TNF pain blocker medications that caused chronic dry pleurisy and escalated into something much much worse that the pain from had me change the way i breathe and speak.

for five years, of which the last three or four years, were, inexplicable.

but now, i am not just better, i am lighter..!
 
now i just watch people in my neighborhood make decisions to destroy their life and potential, harm their loved ones and community, and, it is a shame because it is all avoidable, but they dont believe in the validity of the other choices there are.

so ima talk a walk and quietly spread the love.
 
I feel lucky to have so much LOVE in my life. Sometimes, because of my addiction issues, depression issues and anxiety issues it's hard for me to see the love, to feel the love, but it's there and I've got to remember to fight to be able to see it each and every single day.
 
theartofwar said:
grateful - life puts the answers in front of my face each day............. I really have for the first time felt content in my own skin, even though I still see everything i want to change inside and out, I am able to smile and know that nobody can take my confidence in freedom found in honesty. So grateful.
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that right there is what it's all about: getting comfortable in your own skin. After that hurdle, even the worst life can throw at you is bearable. I am so happy that you feel this.<3

@ d33pblu3--can't let all that joy and contentment roll by without comment. Congratulations on the marriage and on feeling grateful to feel all the best in life.<3

me: loved. My two good friends just took me up the coast for a nice long visit. It was foggy but wonderful.
 
SI - moments of weakness are normal. You can't be expected to be strong all the time, and it's those moments of weakness that shape us into who we truly are I think. <3

As for me...suicidal. Old feelings and thoughts are back, apparently you can't get rid of your demons forever.
 
^The feelings do return sometimes, but sit tight and they'll be gone again soon as they were before. <3

My word is good :)
 
hthr007 said:
Depressed.

Everything about this state makes me fucking hate it. I hate that it's the smallest state in the US, I hate that everyone knows each others business, I hate how I've lost all my friends, I hate how there's not many new people to meet that won't "know" me through someone or know someone I know....and I had a seizure in my sleep last night for the 2nd time so I feel fucking zapped and drained as fuck.
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I'm so sorry to hear that.

Have you considered getting medical help for the seizure?

Are you able to move?
 
Just... Stupid.
I feel fucking stupid. I just don't know how to understand people, at all. I try hard to, I mean, I don't know if I do or not in the laymans point of view, but I think I do. It's just.. god dude I fucking blew it. I BLEW it, so hard. I've been single for the past couple years, and have been completely indifferent to that. It's just, that recently, I've begun to hang out with an attractive female from work. We've been friends for a while, and I guess I've beeen her support system, she's been mine as well in a sense. All this time, I just thought we were friends, and that's all I thought of our relationship. Idk what it is, but I started being myself around her, and last night she just flipped on me. "Why are you like this?!? Why are you always like this?!?! Do you want to see people hurt?? Do you want to see ME hurt?!" I don't even know what I did.. but I do know that it is something I did, since I drive away everyone that has ever gotten close to me. In the end, after she left, I realized that maybe she was the right person for me, and I forced her away.
 
Fortunate to have my best friend in my life. He's always there to pick my ass up off the floor when I need it. Thanks H<3

Pagey said:
SI - moments of weakness are normal. You can't be expected to be strong all the time, and it's those moments of weakness that shape us into who we truly are I think. <3

As for me...suicidal. Old feelings and thoughts are back, apparently you can't get rid of your demons forever.
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Thank you Pagey, I'll try to keep that in mind. Hope you're feeling better<3
 
heartbroken.

I've been thinking a lot about my ex in the last weeks. It was more like dealing with the past and finally getting closure. Since yesterday I feel like I timetravelled back to christmas eve, one day after we broke up. I am scared of how deep those feelings root. I have not felt this way in months. And actually I have another great girl at my side now, I don't know how to explain that to her. She's so kindhearted and patient with me, she doesn't deserve that in the least. I feel like shit. I'm such a mess. What is wrong with me? Here I sit crying in my office.
 
I feel sooo angry and guilty at the same time my dog broke into my medical garden and snapped a bunch of branches im so mad at myself for not making the gate more secure i just lost like a pound or two, and i i feel so guilty for kicking the shit out of my dog for it in a fit of rage that is so alien, i dont hurt animals and if i had seen someone treat their animals the way i just did i would be pissed. Uggghhhh wtf fml
 
^I understand, VW - I'm still getting over my most recent ex. Even though the relationship was nothing but trouble from the start and I've been on a couple dates with an awesome new guy who is his polar opposite, we had some good moments together and a plan for a life. New guy knows, we're taking it very slowly. I hope your heartbreak alleviates soon. Sometimes holding onto the good parts of the past while letting go of the bad is really all it takes. I hope you feel better soon; moving on is so very hard.

My word: relieved. I got pulled over leaving the gas station this morning. My license is from my home state but my car is not. This is legal but the cops frown on it. The cops in this suburb are notorious assholes (think zero real crime so they have nothing to do). The fine would have been close to $500 and I'd get points on my license. They have all manner of creepy cameras here - laser speed cameras with facial recognition (seriously), roving police vans. This was the real deal though... and I knew it as soon as I saw the lights in my rearview (something that hasn't happened to me in 12 years). I thought I was fucked but he let me off with a verbal warning. I'm not even sure he ran my plates. Wouldn't have found anything contraband, fwiw, and I was sober except for caffeine. I'm totally sketched out to drive even more so than before. While I'm not usually one to rant about the 'police state' mentality, seeing tanks and knowing that suburban cops in towns where there are no murders carry assault rifles is a little discomforting.

Going somewhere where I don't have to worry about this kind of nonsense is looking better and better by the second. :|
 
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