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How Are You In One Word v. I got a feelin'

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Kind of scared.

Scared cause my uncle is a paranoid schizophrenic, and became full blown right after he graduated college. Met one of my dads cousins today who is also schizophrenic, who was in the midst of college when it happened.. Just really worried I guess. I'm starting to notice some of the early signs in myself. I've always been anti social and it was even recently suggested I was slightly autistic. I've always been anhedonic, deriving no pleasure from anything. In the past couple years my mind has been a whirlwind. I've already gone through 9 ect treatments because I was misunderstood, and that was last year, and it didn't do anything but completely fuck with my memory, bad. I've been told recently that I'm either extremely narcissistic, or I'm just delusional, from a family member. As the days have been turning into months, and years, my cynicism has been multiplying exponentially, thus increasing my paranoia and distrust towards others.

If it's going to happen, don't toy with me by making me wait any longer. I'm afraid in the next couple of years everythings going to work out very well for me, and then I'm just going to succumb to infinite psychosis like some of my family members.
 
herbavore said:
n3o--that sucks. I have had someone come into my house before and steal stuff and it is terrifying.
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Yep. It just so creepy :(
Did it happen while you were actually at home too??
I cannot even describe how much this has set off a chain reaction of negative thoughts and emotions and just stone-cold fear in me today. It may sound like I'm overreacting but honestly, someone breaking in to my house has alywas been my number 1 fear. Everyone has always told me it wouldn't happen. And now it HAS happened. And just when I was getting a grip on my mental state, I feel like this has completely thrown me back to square one.
*sigh*
The worst part is that I actually HEARD it happening!! But because I've always been so paranoid about someone breaking in, I've taught myself to down-play any sounds I might here during the night. So I heard the front doors opening/closing at about 2am, but told myself it must've been something else, in order to alleviate my anxiety.
But yeah......it was actually happening...

Just when I was almost feeling ready to start socialising again, and braving the big bad world outside.....looks like I'll be spending the next week cooped up inside my bedroom again...

herby, good luck with your classes hun. I'm sure you will do great even despite all your classes being full (or, over-full, as it would seem!). You are more than capable of dealing with it <3
 
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^ my cousin was robbed over the weekend. Glad he wasn't home when it happened, although I'm sure he knew the person. All they took was his laundry $ n cigarette roller.. I've also been broken in2, but I was home.. Very scary..
Glad my state now has concealed carry laws and will hopefully get some castle laws in2 affect bc I wouldn't hesitate 2 kill a mofo breaking in2 my place.. Glad ur ok n3o!

Ill change it up 2day, my word: melancholy
 
Thanks sconnie <3 Glad you were okay too, with the break and enter that you encountered.
 
n3o :( My heart goes out to you, love. I know how scary that can be. When I was about 4, my mom and I got home one evening to find our house completely TRASHED. They only ended up taking a camera, but my peace of mind was shot for quite a while after that. I also had an incident happen in my current apartment last fall when we caught a guy trying to open our window to get into our apartment. Thankfully, he didn't succeed. It's scary stuff. :( Have you filed a police report? Even though it might not help them catch who did it or recover the stolen items, I think the police might patrol the area a bit more which could make you feel a little more at ease. <3 Also, I owe you a PM. I should be getting on that by the end of the day.

My word(s): Nervous and procrastinating. First day of classes for the semester today.
 
Thank you darling <3 No hurry on the PM reply.
spork said:
Have you filed a police report? Even though it might not help them catch who did it or recover the stolen items, I think the police might patrol the area a bit more which could make you feel a little more at ease. <3.
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Yep, my housemate did all of that today while I was at work. They found some good fingerprints from dusting, and because my housemate's niece was asleep in the loungeroom at the time (where they broke in) the police are treating it a lot more seriously and investigating it properly. So that is reassuring, for sure.
In the meantime I will be staying up all night...despite having to work in the morning. I cannot fathom trying to sleep. My brain is on WAY too high alert.

Good luck at school today hun, once you're actually there it won't be so nervewracking! :)
 
Nostalgic.

This time of year always makes me miss being little and in school where my worries weren't anywhere close to what they are today. Not saying I had the best child hood, but I still miss it from time to time...
 
^ I hear this.<3

....however my word for now is stagnant.



Sorry to hear of your break in N3O, happened to us this year too, its an awful sensation. Glad you and your house mate are safe and well though.
<3

Best of luck with your classes Spork, so admire you for going back to school. Believe in yourself, and your ability. ;)<3
 
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eh, one word kinda merged into three. i wouldn't know the way to describe those three feelings at once. perhaps...
destructive

yeah, that just about sums me up...
girlfriend just left, contemplating drug use, feeling generally down.
 
Asclepius said:
Sorry to hear of your break in N3O, happened to us this year too, its an awful sensation. Glad you and your house mate are safe and well though.
<3
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Thanks lovely. Yeah it is a horrible feeling huh :( Was everything okay with you guys after your break-in??


Today I am anxious as fuck :(
 
only gettin older, suppose happy im owning my problems but overall reaaallll tired of my bone head ish
 
Really, really tired. I'm hoping that this doesn't mean depression in the near future. Usually for me being constantly tired and sleeping wayyyyyy too much is the first sign that it's back. :\
 
feelin pretty good.. still got good workout w heavy bag and worked a few pwr lifts even tho i spent last two nights out. Jus slowing down now and gonna chill today.
 
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