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How Are You In One Word v. I got a feelin'

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argghhh!!!
frustrated...
am temporarily in fla dealing w/ crap that can't wait and needs to be fully completed so i can go back to my new life
-that i absolutely love-
at the Cape.
think i may be able to escape around 25th, can't wait to get back
-izzy
 
angry

Today was going well, even for being so stressful and tiring I was happy to be home. But my parents just infuriate me with the way they treat me sometimes. I was asking them for a good reason why I can't drop band class second semester, and when they gave me an answer ("you're required to take a full year of band aren't you?") to which I'd have a counter argument ("no you only need one semester"). They started getting mad at me when I just would ask "can't you give me one good reason why you're keeping me in band?" so my mom lashes out and says "because we're bad parents and we want to make you do something you don't want to do, is that what you want to hear?"

That shit makes me so mad, so I got mad and started trying to explain but she'd keep repeating irrelevant stuff to what I was saying and I told them they were being jerks about it and my mom flips at me, tells me how I'm so unbelievably disrespectful (they like to exaggerate instances when this happens, she'll bring up jokes I make to my dad and make it look like I was disrespecting him as leverage to her argument) and then just grounds me. Was that very smart to do? No. But they were escalating me towards it. And we just got in a fight so I left and told them I didn't want to eat with them and the whole time I hear them back talking me and "making fun of me", like in high school how when someone walks away from something they start talking behind your back about you even though you can hear it the whole way. They were degrading me and putting me down and I got mad and it's just been escalating.

I went into their room to find some way to take out my anger. My first thoughts went to violence so I started punching where my mom sleeps until my hand started to hurt, I went and set her alarm late, then I looked for something to break and I saw the teddy bear my mom has that says "fuck cancer" and it just reminded me how we all go through things and nobody seems to understand. It made me feel bad, but I knew my anger was still justified. My parents never try to help me control my anger, they intentionally make it worse. They talk behind my back when I can hear, they say things like "geeeez" and make me look so terrible and so they don't have to feel responsible about anything, like they were just pure victims to my rage, and it makes me mad and upset, and I have no way how to voice it. What I'm saying barely makes sense. All I know is that writing it out is very therapeutic.
 
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Ahhhh that sucks, badfish.
Sometimes parent's just do not understand todays youth!
Mine were pretty naggy about my education and stuff like that, but when I dropped out and got a good job, they lightened up a lot and started to understand me a whole lot more.
Some times you just have to ride out those hard situations and hang in there until things go your way.





Nervous.
I scheduled an appointment to see a dentist today.. Eeep!
I already know how this is going to turn out for me.
PAINFUL.
:(
 
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