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How Are You In One Word v. I got a feelin'

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spork said:
^Take some deep breaths. I know how difficult it feels and have been through bouts of agoraphobia myself, but you *can* do this and will feel much better after you do. <3
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thanks. i don't know if it is because i am tipsy, but this made me cry. and my cheapass trashy eyeliner smudge, so fuck you. =P
it is so scary and it doesn't make any sense but other people deal with it too. thank god
 
ah, he is coming by here anyway. not good either, we write off this place as a punk rock pit but the horror show gets old, i miss nice things. i want to grow up you know, but it's not that easy for some of us.
 
Word:stupid..

Feeling good for couple days, and now... Well not so much so.. I can create some bad moods for people around me, and am perfectly capable of ruining a good day..
 
Jean-Paul said:
oh my god. oh my god. god. i am, leaving for teh gifts.

i wish i could explain how my heart situation feels. first of all, like i have been running marathon for quite some time. then, add some slight early onset heart attack signals. then some good old fashioned hangover. i feel like my heart is made of faulty materials. and it is going to give out. and i am going to leave anyway.

i wish the measurement of what is a hard thing to do wasn't so subjective
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So glad you are going. I hope the experience helps to normalize going out a bit for you. Agoraphobia is hell. Courage, Jean-Paul!<3

@Spork--where in Iowa? I used to spend part of every summer on Spirit Lake. It's still my idea of heaven to run off the end of a mossy smelling wooden dock stark naked in the dark. Landing in that warm, silky water, not knowing for a minute what is up or down and then rising up to starlight out of the black water.....ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. So, if you get a chance and are by a lake, go skinny dipping! (Of course you are from Wisconsin so this is probably old hat to you. I live by the gorgeous Pacific and am thankful for that every day, but there is nothing like a midwestern lake at night!)

@Seyer--glad your friend is OK. Sounds like she needs to work through some serious stuff and drinking probably won't help since it adds to depression on so many levels. Some of the hardest conversations I have had with friends have been about drinking but in the end I was able to be much more supportive for having confronted the coping mechanism. I don't know that her drinking is a problem, but if it is don't be afraid to go there.<3
 
herbavore said:
@Seyer--glad your friend is OK. Sounds like she needs to work through some serious stuff and drinking probably won't help since it adds to depression on so many levels. Some of the hardest conversations I have had with friends have been about drinking but in the end I was able to be much more supportive for having confronted the coping mechanism. I don't know that her drinking is a problem, but if it is don't be afraid to go there.<3
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Her drinking isnt a problem. It was just tension between her and another person that brought on the horrible emotions she was going through and the Alcohol just reinforced those emotions. I care about her a great deal and if I felt her drinking was a problem then I would have no problem bringing that up with her.
 
herbavore said:
@Spork--where in Iowa? I used to spend part of every summer on Spirit Lake. It's still my idea of heaven to run off the end of a mossy smelling wooden dock stark naked in the dark. Landing in that warm, silky water, not knowing for a minute what is up or down and then rising up to starlight out of the black water.....ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. So, if you get a chance and are by a lake, go skinny dipping! (Of course you are from Wisconsin so this is probably old hat to you. I live by the gorgeous Pacific and am thankful for that every day, but there is nothing like a midwestern lake at night!)
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The wedding is in Lake City, whose motto is ironically "Where there is no lake" lol. It's a small town in I believe western Iowa. There are no hotels there so we'll be staying in my mom's hometown of Carroll, IA. I've been to Spirit Lake when I was little and loved it there. I think my parents were just there last month actually. Your post made me miss living by the lake. Sure, I'm only a couple miles from it now but it's not the same as living *on* the lake. I do feel lucky to have so many childhood memories of midwestern lakes. They really are magical. <3 :)
 
^awesome, man :)!

Cool motto for a town spork lol.

I'm feeling anxious and sad :( my friends dad died today and he is in a 12 month treatment program and hasn't been allowed to leave. He'll only get to go to either the viewing or the funeral, not both. :( <3
 
stardust.hero said:
NM :( I'm so sorry hun, I can just feel your frantic frustration <3. Please after this visit work on getting that down :(. PM me I have a few natural herbal remedies that have helped me. I had a passive monster addiction for almost 2 years. I wouldn't be able to wake up or do anything without monster and monster only and I would drink 3+ a day. So when you get your inspection on the way let me know and I have a few suggestions. <3
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Thanks so much Stardust <3 As soon as this inspection is done,I plan on a few days of just sleeping,eating and lounging :) I actually don't like taking the OTC stimulants and have to psych myself up to start a session on them.
Usually if I'm not doing anything too taxing during the day,I don't even drink coffee.I have panic disorder,so if I'm not burning off energy with lots of physical activity,then my mind races too much and I end up with a panic attack.
 
n3ophy7e said:
Firstly, I know this is easier said than done, but you've gotta stop telling yourself that you CAN'T do anything without amps. Because that isn't true. Your body and your muscles and limbs are still totally capable of actually DOING stuff without amps. So, maybe just try to tackle one small thing at a time. Like, clean the sink in the bathroom, or tidy up the coffee table, or something really really small like that. Take it one step at a time. It will feel like a much less daunting task. <3
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Thanks hun,I know I can do things without amps,it just takes a lot longer,which I'm ok with most of the time.I'm on a very strong tricyclic for major depression,and the depression and the tricyclic makes me very sleepy,lethargic,and my limbs feel so heavy it's like I'm wading through mud.

Your starting small idea is a great one,and one I'm going to try when this inspection is over.Unfortunately the amount of work to be done in the time I have is huge,so I have to push myself harder than that,hence the stimulants.

I'm feeling much happier today though,which I'll explain in another post :)
 
I've been there too and it sucks *hugs* I have panic disorder with agoraphobia and when it started I wouldn't leave the house for weeks either.I still have my issues,but wanted to let you know that it does get better.Do you have a "safe" person you can go places with? <3
Jean-Paul said:
DYSFUNCTIONAL

i haven't left here in...weeks? i wish i was kidding.

i am to trying to leave to get a gift from someone today. i honestly do not want to leave the apartment, go outside, see people, etc etc etc. agoraphobia shit. i will if they reply to my message. i will prepare to leave. seems like climbing a mountain in my fucking mind.

love,
howard hughes
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MissNervosa said:
I'm on a very strong tricyclic for major depression,and the depression and the tricyclic makes me very sleepy,lethargic,and my limbs feel so heavy it's like I'm wading through mud.
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Ahhh I see. Yep, I've been on a tricyclic AD before and they are no fun at all :\
Great to hear you're feeling a bit better today :)


I am feeling accomplished right now :)
Just dragged my sorry ass out for a run (MissNervosa and other Sydney-siders, you will appreciate how much of an achievement that is due to the hectic winter weather out there tonight!! :D)
 
n3ophy7e said:
Ahhh I see. Yep, I've been on a tricyclic AD before and they are no fun at all :\
Great to hear you're feeling a bit better today :)


I am feeling accomplished right now :)
Just dragged my sorry ass out for a run (MissNervosa and other Sydney-siders, you will appreciate how much of an achievement that is due to the hectic winter weather out there tonight!! :D)
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Yep I've tried every SSRI and SNRI in the book,so now it's on to tricyclics.Which type did you take n3o? They are great for sleep,but unfortunately you get a 'hangover" type thing the next day that makes you sluggish.It's better than being suicidal and so depressed you barely get out of bed though,so I've been trying to learn to live with the sluggishness.

I can't believe you went fo a run in this weather! Well done,you need a huge pat on the back for that :D I had a tree branch fall in the backyard yesterday from all the wind,so all of my pets are restricted to indoors only until the wind calms down.I don't want anything falling on them,or them blowing away!

Today I'm feeling relieved My boyfriend was offered an extra week of contract work yesterday (yay for money!).He's also been extra sweet to me since he blew up at me on thursday from stress.So when I burst into tears of frustration from tiredness last night,he sent me to bed and did heaps of cleaning last night and this morning while I slept in :)

I also found a source (after looking for about a month) for ummm..something illegal and stronger than my OTC stimulants and purchased a small amount tonight.Used sparingly and sensibly (no all night benders or staying up for days) a little each day will be much more effective and probably safer than mixing huge amounts of OTC stuff,so I'm feeling much more confident about getting everything done :)
 
theartofwar said:
Absolutely exhausted, and I dearly miss Mariposa. We need to talk again sis, fb hasn't worked out to well are you without cell phone still ? <3
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I miss you too. No, not without cell but have a different number. Send me yours either here or on FB and we'll talk ASAP.

Me: destroyed. My guy is up to the same old same old and refuses to give me back my dog. MY DOG! How can I ever trust him again? He told me bad things would happen if I went to see my family, which I now wish I had not done. I now know his threats were not idle. I am heartbroken.
 
Thanks guys for the love <3 :( I'm thinking about him this morning I know he's having a rough time. If we fly up for a day I'm hoping we will be able to catch him at one or the other. I miss the guy terribly. He was a BLer and was one of the first people I met in person. He was with us when we went on the road trip to Michigan to get our first dog Belle. :-\ His family became part of our family. I should be hearing back today on dates so we can figure out a plan.

<3<3 You guys are the best ever.
 
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