Seyer
Bluelight Crew
Excited for Day 2 of this weekends festival 
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How Are You In One Word v. I got a feelin'
- Thread starter badfish45
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Sepher
Bluelight Crew
Undecided. Meant to be going to a leaving party for a friend who's emigrating to Aus but 1) I can't actually afford it so my ex is insisting on lending me the cash and half her bed to crash in so I don't miss out and I really don't like the idea cos I think she's investing more than I am in that, and 2) It's a pub and club crawl through the gay village in Manchester and though it's usually a really good night down there with this crowd and I'd love to see some of the people I haven't seen in a while who are going, I'm not sure if I can cope with everyone else getting drunk and me having to stay sober. Dunno if that's gonna feel all that great and whether I'll just feel stuck out on the outside of the vibe everyone else is into?
spork
Bluelight Crew
Excited to go home today! 
stardust.hero
Bluelight Crew
^Yay!! Me too!!!
theartofwar
Bluelighter
Yaaa im all set w bringing the shit up anymore RL - honestly homey I'm jus gonna move on, numbin n not talkin bout the drugs, none of those, jus gonna do motions for awhile I'm shot emotionally.
stardust.hero
Bluelight Crew
burned 3 hours in the sun at noon in Florida. 
xxsicknessxx
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 26, 2008
- Messages
- 1,014
destoryed
Isolated. I've been really down on myself lately, pushing people who are close to me away. Suicidal feelings are always here, but ive pretty much just accepted them if that makes sense. I've destroyed someone I care about so much with drugs, and now I refuse to get anything besides weed for anyone. Friends get mad at me cause I won't hook them up with pills, and I try to explain but they don't understand. So, I'm isolating myself from everyone in an attempt to keep myself from hurting them.
The feeling of having this person that I care about so much, and then just absolutly destroying them. The guilt over that is overwhelming, I cant even express it properly. I don't sleep properly, I make myself sick. That compounded on all the other shit I have going on, I feel trapped. I have no idea what to do, and I just get so down.
I've gone back to self-harm as of a few months ago, which I was clean of for 8 months. It makes me feel so ashamed of myself, sick of myself.
At this point, I'd really be okay with never seeing another person again and just being completly alone. I'd feel worse off, I'm sure. But it would be best for everyone else, it's the right thing to do.
The feeling of having this person that I care about so much, and then just absolutly destroying them. The guilt over that is overwhelming, I cant even express it properly. I don't sleep properly, I make myself sick. That compounded on all the other shit I have going on, I feel trapped. I have no idea what to do, and I just get so down.
I've gone back to self-harm as of a few months ago, which I was clean of for 8 months. It makes me feel so ashamed of myself, sick of myself.
At this point, I'd really be okay with never seeing another person again and just being completly alone. I'd feel worse off, I'm sure. But it would be best for everyone else, it's the right thing to do.
rangrz
Bluelighter
My brain hurts FUCK differential geometry, tensors, multivar calc and manifolds.
theartofwar
Bluelighter
^ bad combo one progresses the other progresses 
. Hope you feel better.
Me - uncertain : so I'm trying to keep it low key for awhile.
. Hope you feel better. Me - uncertain : so I'm trying to keep it low key for awhile.
stellablue
Bluelight Crew
^ I know that feeling to well. Hope things get better TAOW. 
For me, doing better.
For me, doing better.
RedLeader
Bluelight Crew
intimidated
If I pick up an early shift at work Monday, my sleep schedule is going to be fucked, and come Tuesday I am going to be very sleep-deprived (and all of the loveliness that comes with that). But I need the money.
If I pick up an early shift at work Monday, my sleep schedule is going to be fucked, and come Tuesday I am going to be very sleep-deprived (and all of the loveliness that comes with that). But I need the money.
tripnotyzm
Bluelighter
Really f%&$§?fg sad. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh.
stardust.hero
Bluelight Crew
Tripnooo whats wrong budday?
whats wrong budday?
tripnotyzm
Bluelighter
It sounds stoopid.
But i just split with my German friends who i had met and become extremely close to over here.
Had a crazy night together, and literally had to take separate trains on the spot all rush rush.
I dunno. I feel weird. Sad. Happy? Cant find the right word to describe that in between emotion.
But i just split with my German friends who i had met and become extremely close to over here.
Had a crazy night together, and literally had to take separate trains on the spot all rush rush.
I dunno. I feel weird. Sad. Happy? Cant find the right word to describe that in between emotion.
stardust.hero
Bluelight Crew
Aw man, I can imagine how you feel leaving awesome people you just met is one of the worst. Did you just recently meet them spontaneously on your adventures around Europe or have you known them?
leaving awesome people you just met is one of the worst. Did you just recently meet them spontaneously on your adventures around Europe or have you known them?
Captain.Heroin
Bluelight Crew
Try to keep in touch with your friends! Even a simple email, or talking over instant messenger/skype, or sending a letter means so much to people we can't see regularly.
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