You know what I need to talk with you bc I had something like that happened that sounds exactly the same and I went through those exact same cycles you just mentioned because there are a lot of levels of crazy - don’t ever say things couldn’t get any crazier than this! The bottom is bottomless with crazy and I always knock on wood whenever I say something stupid like couldn’t get any worse but I think the bottom doesn’t have to be bottomless in recovery if we ever ‘get it’
No I’m absolutely not trying to have a recovery meeting here and I would be the very last person on earth to ask her to stay clean. You’ve got to see the irony in that and then YES I’ve gone through phases things more often change and ours may not be the same but several things you said really brought me back to a time that wasn’t so hard to fix (just was for me at that time w/out supplies plus I had no idea what caused it bc it was so far back).
Yet I’m over thinking like I don’t believe anymore and I’m gonna get so crazy I’m not gonna come back which is what was happening when I was going through what you’re describing - I was terrified The very first day I went through it and I howled in fear/crying all night long bc I So afraid that I had crossed over and I wasn’t gonna come back.
However once I figured out what was… It was a dirty trick too Which kicked in all these psychotic breaks, losing consciousness… Having to creep around with a hat on to leave the house… In search of the fix. Singer remember most was my terror that one day of thinking I was just gonna be stuck like the psychotic bitch I was man because I’ve never been there before just like any level of crazy although I revisit them at times But this was the only one that really scared me. So where did once I got some sleep after the howling all night long so amazed that the fire department come. The next day when I woke up I decided OK this is my new reality and I can sit here and cry about it rocking back-and-forth having lost my fucking mind… Or I can go with it - with all understanding that this is probably my new reality.
But it wasn’t! And I was able to get out of it so if we have anything in common whether use the word chakra or talk about how often it comes or what you call it it doesn’t matter what we call it it may still be the same thing so who knows maybe I can help maybe. I think I’ve been about every crazy there is but I need a knock on wood because I’m crazy so I don’t think I’ll ever come back like a short period of MPD. Main that was bad it was scary because it’s scared other people and made them crazy and attacked. I got hurt a lot because people thought I was fucking with them Which even though why that is. I was in this strange new place of MPD where I was trying people on men women people I knew but everything I said wasn’t true nothing I said was true actually but I believed it most of the time. And every once in a while having MPD which I’ve known people also that had you get this little sparkle in your eye it’s kinda like part of psychosis or a little bit of sociopaths and when you do that and someone sees it they immediately lose all trust and think you’re fucking with me! That’s when I found I was in a lot of danger because and I would the right back into a totally different reality. That’s when I found I was in a lot of danger because l I would slip right back into a totally different reality where I was trying on the persona of an acquaintance/friend of mind.
But regarding what it sounds like an exact situation that I endured for a few months that again we may use totally different terminology but it sounds so familiar, the good news is that since I got what I needed it hasn’t returned or it only returns in periods of drought so to speak. We’ll have to talk sometime.
