• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

how are you in 1 word ?

Status
Not open for further replies.
/\ I don't know but I like it and have used it myself lol.

As far as me I'm in a very analytical mode right now and can't put one word on it. I'm not really happy or depressed I feel like I'm doing some intense math equation (how to fix my life/get a job) and decided its best to start by standing up and walking towards my car. Took me about 3 hours just to figure out.

Maybe the word would be "deliberate" I guess.
I'm getting off the computer, deliberately walking to my car, getting some coffee then going to find me a fucking job. I will be back to update my mood which will likely be relative to how the job hunting went.
 
Quirky, bored, absurd, jonesin'. I feel the need to partake in questionable activities just because I don't know what the fuck else to do with myself.
 
Overwhelmed, I have so much to do in this upcoming month, including moving back home with family 8 hours away from where I've lived the last 6 years...lots of packing and painful goodbyes, it's too much :(
 
Had to post tis

I was gassing up my kids ac today and to kill some times he wanted to show me some new toys he bought.

H opens a case and he pulls out an AR15 ..the semi auto version of the M16.

I hand not handled one one since Nam

I had the first flashback of my life. My stinkin' weapon jammed..so did three other guys in my Platoon.

We fell back and lost five guys. I don't remember how but I just went on adrenaline.

When it was over we had repelled the VC force. My squad leader said I killed three guys in hand to hand. They wanted prisoners for intell.

So they tried to grab the guys whose weapons failed.


I woke up on my son's kitchen floor with my pant's shit and sweating like a pig in heat.

I am typing this on five mg of Xanax as recommended by my doc.

I had blocked that fire fight out of my mind.

I have never had a flash back in my life. Now I worry it might happen again.
Damn it, I ain't got time to for feeling sorry for my self. I got people who depend on me.

WTF???????:(:?:?:?:?
 
^ That's a lot of words, but holy fuck. I'm sorry that you've had to experience that; the mind works in some pretty mysterious ways. /blownaway

ATM: drowse....
 
hvac5646 said:
I have never had a flash back in my life. Now I worry it might happen again.
Damn it, I ain't got time to for feeling sorry for my self. I got people who depend on me.

WTF???????:(:?:?:?:?
Click to expand...

Wow man, I am sorry you had to endure that (both the actual event, and the emotional pain of the flashback). Heartbreaking stuff.
I can imagine that, being a father, you feel like you need to be strong and faultless for your kids (and their kids??). But I am concerned that if you ignore this flashback, if you try to pretend it didn't happen, chances are really high that it WILL happen again.
I know you're on the xanax, but are you getting any therapy at the moment? Have you ever had therapy for PTSD before? If so, how long ago was that? I really think you should strongly consider going back in to therapy. If you face these memories and work through them in constructive ways, you will be much less likely to have these violent flashbacks that come without warning. You went through some really fucking horrible stuff, but it doesn't have to control your emotions or your life. The memories are in there, you can't change that, but you can change how your brain and body react to those memories.
What do you think?
Take care man <3
 
Dave said:
^ That's a lot of words, but holy fuck. I'm sorry that you've had to experience that; the mind works in some pretty mysterious ways. /blownaway

ATM: drowse....
Click to expand...

What does ATM mean , please?

I just gave the briefest description I could think of.

I got blood on my hands now that I remember it again.

my Crdio/ internist told me take five mg of Xanax and tell some body.
Said it was important but I got no friends my age been there so I figured here was good.
I do need to talk this off my chest. Don't think I will sleep despite the Xanax unless I do.

my kid that I was having a joke on him. But when i started screaming
Phouc -Vinh and shit he knew what the deal is.


I think I am going to have a few extra hydro pills too. I am cramed all over and hurt bad.
 
n3ophy7e said:
Wow man, I am sorry you had to endure that (both the actual event, and the emotional pain of the flashback). Heartbreaking stuff.
I can imagine that, being a father, you feel like you need to be strong and faultless for your kids (and their kids??). But I am concerned that if you ignore this flashback, if you try to pretend it didn't happen, chances are really high that it WILL happen again.
I know you're on the xanax, but are you getting any therapy at the moment? Have you ever had therapy for PTSD before? If so, how long ago was that? I really think you should strongly consider going back in to therapy. If you face these memories and work through them in constructive ways, you will be much less likely to have these violent flashbacks that come without warning. You went through some really fucking horrible stuff, but it doesn't have to control your emotions or your life. The memories are in there, you can't change that, but you can change how your brain and body react to those memories.
What do you think?
Take care man <3
Click to expand...

I had one therapy or consult with a shrink. It was to verify my alcholic tendencies.

Said I was a drunk so I quit drinking.Then I got into dope. Kicked that too after a few failures,

Now i got this thing with flashbacks.

Hope I am successful.
Thank you for listening to me.
 
Called my neuro /physch to day and told him about my flash back. He tells me I was drinking and doping to suppress memories and not so much because I have a proclivity towards addiction due to social conditioning.

Ok I have handled m14s and other hand weapons over the years but had no interest in anM16.

To be honest I had a definite hatred for the weapon because they did jam.

That was all that I needed to set me off.

If no body is listening, that's cool. I am doing this as a therapeutic exercise to get all the hostility out of me.

One of my son's veteran friend of Iraq suggested buying an M14 and take it to the range.

That gave me a tickle inside. Might be just what i need.

End of personal pity party.=D
 
In one word, I am:

Blissful

I have 400mg bkMDMA in my system right now and the euphoria is like being in Heaven, except for the fact that I'm a devout atheist.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top