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How am I supposed to "Think"?

fivelinefury

fivelinefury

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 25, 2006
Messages
1,171
Location
Melbourne, AUSTRALIA
Hi all. I've put this in TDS I guess due to my depression, and currently sorta questioning, or probably more wondering how others "think"?

First i'll just quickly mention a couple of things going on in my life at the moment, which is becoming quite stressful to keep thinking about with my current depression & anxiety problems. Basically my relationship future seems to be more in the unknown with my girlfriend lately, and being unemployed and having the pressure of a job basically available for me from a family business (which is a great opportunity), but feeling I wont be up to it mental health wise is starting to kill me inside with stress/anxiety/depression etc.

I believe a majority of us categorise the way we think. For eg. Positive & Negative, Optimistic & Realistic, etc. I just would like to know what others think? Do we worry too much about the way we think about things? Do we even need to categorise the way we think? etc.

I personally admit to being someone in the past who used to be extremely negative, hating everything I did, hating almost everyone I was around, hating my previous job, etc. And I learned that this was a failure and an unhealthy way to live. Now I feel in the situation where I am so sick of people trying to drill into my head that positive thinking is like the only successful way of living. I don't consider myself the most positive person in the world, but nowadays also not the most negative person at all.

I like to think REALISTICALLY! But is this "correct"? or "healthy"? I don't even believe we can identify what is Negative or Positive unless we're thinking realistically in the first place. I basically don't want to just continue to keep telling myself that a relationship is definitely going to last or a job opportunity is definitely going to work out, when in reality I can't see the 2 happening.

Another thought I had was if one was in the position of living in a hospital bed as a severe cancer patient, who basically can no longer think positive any more, does that then kill them, because they feel they are failing?

Thanks everyone, hope to hear from you all.
 
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truthfully that is why i still smoke weed, to turn off my thinking.

i worry about shit constantly. stupid shit that doesnt even matter but from what i gather about myself is that i like to function in a place where i am always having some kinda negativity going on. or rather a cycle of downs. now that sounds bad but now that i am off all drugs i can see my behavior better and i am still all fuct up. i try not to think about it much.
 
I make it my aim to think with realism. To think with precision. To think using strict and sound logic. To think of logical fallacies and cognitive biases and make an effort to avoid them.

why?

Because, personally, I want the fucking RIGHT answer. A big part of that, to me, is to stay detached/objective and to be unemotional in thought, for logic will show tha "a=b b=c thus a=c" emotion will tend to return things like "a=b b=c thus 17^pi times (99/70) divided (sqrt -1) = 3.7"

Well, that is a bit of my take on thought on thinking anyways.
 
^ Yeah, I reckon a lot of us make it more complicated than what it needs to be, but we don't mean to. Also on what bagochina said about functioning in a place with negativity going on. I can relate to this, I tend to agree actually. I've found that thinking negative thoughts all the time is terrible, but actually living in a state of what a lot of others around me would consider negative (eg. when using benzos constantly for my anxiety). Even though others around look at me as if I'm nothing but a pill popping junkie, in a lot of ways am happier like that than what I am now, and don't even need to consider "how to think".
 
Hey, fiveline, I think that being realistic in your thinking is positive. Taking your example, thinking that a relationship is going to work out when in your gut you know it isn't (or maybe shouldn't?) is just denial, not positive thinking. For arguments sake, let's assume that it is a doomed relationship; then positive would be looking at yourself and your GF honestly, and without blame, deciding how to move on and take whatever knowledge you can from it, then opening yourself up to the next experience. Even in the example of the person dying of cancer, positive thinking would be: I am dying and I know this. I choose to honor all my emotions surrounding letting go of life. Pretending that your attitude can save you is only going to deny you the grace that comes to so many in that situation (I've seen it many times).

The confusion comes in when we are letting our anxiety tell us what is realistic. My son was convinced that having a felony made him unemployable. He thought (with lots of facts and statistics to back him up) that he was thinking realistically. In fact, though, when he did decide to just assume it would work out and he presented himself with confidence it never even came up. So, I guess in this instance, it was true that his positive thinking propelled him to try for something that negative thinking denied him.

So the tricky part is discerning what is "realistic" in any given situation.

Good thread!:)

I think the problem comes from confusing positive thinking with a positive outcome. Having faith that something will work out is different than having faith that something will work out exactly how we or someone else thinks it should work out.
 
I basically said to my mum today that "I'm fucking sick of trying to think things are going to work out like this job opportunity (working at my dad's business) when it most likely wont. I feel like shit and positive thinking when it is unrealistic is killing me and I'm sick of it".

She is all for positive thinking all the time, but I think she understood what I meant, not that I really care anyway 8)
 
You just have to do SOMETHING in your world to turn it around man. I mean you are perfectly capable of physically workin for your dad. You'd have nice money to party with. Your parents would be happy with you. Just beccause in the past you've messed up opportunities doesn't mean thats what is always going to happen you know? See personally I can't even take my own advice myself...But the doctor threw me a bone with an addy prescription and I gotta say it helps with this kind of stuff. Good luck man. Don't beat yourself up anymore though, shit is really unhealthy, you gotta talk to people about your problems.
 
thinking is part of the human condition...it is up to us to put as much positive energy into our thoughts-grow from experiences and yes-be realistic but in a way that continues to be positive and help you love yourself. I know where you are in life...i am in a similar situation,but as long as we are HERE-as long as we are alive-we can change our situations.
have you thought about therapy-even for us unemployed-help is out there. I've been in therapy for over a decade. I can't imagine life without it! Just a thought! ;)

don't give up! keep posting!

Much peace and love.................................skillz =D
 
Dude take the job! Then if it doesnt work out...stop working there. Its your fathers business and that is a fantastic opportunity for you!

Jobs are good man, they keep you busy, make you money and they produce new relationships with a wholee new group of people. The job could be a turning point man give it a go. Sooo very many people would give whatever they could to have a job or even the opportunity to better themselves.
 
I agree with what has been said in this thread. Usually, our negative thoughts are what are more blown out of proportion than our positive thoughts. Truth is, as humans we always assume the negative. I'm also very happy to hear that you are going to see a psychologist, I think you will see that to be very effective. I know I did when I started seeing one.
 
^ Yep, you're absolutely right Tude! I managed to have a little chat to my dad about it today, which was great. I kinda bitched to mum about me and dad not even having barely any communication about the job, probably because being family people usually just assume yeah he'll take the job, etc, and not worry enough about anything that could happen. I might have been a bit harsh, but think it was a good thing I did have a bitch cos we had a good talk haha. Dad mentioned that he admits to probably underestimating how much pressure I've felt over the job, with my current "mental health", etc. I basically told him that "yeah I admit, It's put a shitload of pressure, and stressed the fuck outta me, but that's my fault cos of how I am, cos anyone else would just jump at the job", so yeah, I feel we're more "on-par" with each other now.

badfish45 said:
Truth is, as humans we always assume the negative.
Click to expand...

I could not agree more on that one! What really pisses me off is the way people when they gossip, it is never, for example "did you hear that such and such are going really well at the moment". It always has to be "omg did you hear how such and such are breaking up now and their lives are fucked" haha. Just the way it is. A lot of people get off on negative gossip I spose.
 
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