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hostility

yoUr bLiSS

yoUr bLiSS

Bluelighter
Joined
May 21, 2001
Messages
892
Location
so cal
this place stinks of despair and desperation
barley detectible underneath the cloak of alcohol and nicotine
there lies a layer of sadness
bars are not happy places
as alcohol blurs the edges
smoke fills in the emptiness

today i am hostile
today i reek of negativity
distaste oozes out of my pores
i make no secret of this
to avoid directing it at myself
i direct it at them
they come for a purpose
skin and conversation
i give the bare minimum

today there will be no overzealous smiles
no sparkling eyes feigning interest
(it's all just glitter anyhow)
at times such as these
i want to smash heads with my boots
i want to gouge out beady little eyes
that stare up hungrily
i want to cram sweaty bills into mouths
and laugh as they choke

which is more pathetic?
throwing away hard earned money
just to stare at my ass?
or
making hard earned money
by having my ass stared at?

in their heads
they fuck me
in my head
i fuck them up
 
in their heads
they fuck me
in my head
i fuck them up
Click to expand...

it use to make me feel gross to know that they would think of me like that. but as long as you remain the object of their fantasy they can imagine things how ever they want.

i try to think of things i love in order to make my thoughts not turn into hatered ones. i often think of friends and loved ones.
 
DING

I was really feeling this, especially this line

i want to cram sweaty bills into mouths
Click to expand...

Then it dawned on me that perhaps this was a piece with hints of dark poetic truths. That's when it REALLY hit home. Formerly, in my youth, I did the adult entertainment thing... I didn't hate it... I embraced it rather... but still a piece of me was always angry at them... never me. Your words made me question why I was never mad at me.
 
The content of this piece is very clear and heart wrenching at the same time,,, though i personally may not be able to relate to the what you may be referring to, I understand the whole content of the hostility, I feel you there. Awesomely written!
 
I cant help but relate to the hostility here, I have been feeling rather hostile this last week and altho like cherub I cant relate to content, my feeling is right there with yours!
 
for the most part i have a good time at this job. i love to dance and usually just do my own thing(which of course does not get the best tips, the guys don't care how good you dance, they just want attention) but every now and then it really gets to me. this was one of those days.
 
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