Hospitable Horror

[Ashley]

Hospitable Horror

I live in a fibro house of roses,
That an arsonist has since targeted,
Bedtime stories don't get me to sleep,
With terror behind the steering wheel,
But I deserve to endure the agony,
Of no longer having you by my side,
When the crawling snail that is time,
Pushes the big hand to meet the little hand,
I shiver with shame and shake a cry,
It's pouring with rain and I'm locked outside,
Because I cannot justify throwing the knives,
And still I'm too weak to rewrite the lies,
That I scribbled so carelessly for you

I still hold on to the invisible hope,
The kind that is covered in dust,
That trendy black shirt in the cupboard,
The one that has no buttons,
And I pour my faith without restraint,
Into a bucket riddled with cancerous holes,
Force myself to endure watching it,
As it drains away, little by little,
Day by day

From now and then forever,
I will try my best to be your friend,
But I can see the way your eyes speak to me,
That for you and for me it's all make pretend,
You see, when you're not around,
I close all of the windows, and
I trudge through the lonely days
Empty hope and fear, is what I carry,
On my shoulders, and
It is heavy with such rotten shame

I whistle tunes that nobody ever listened to,
And choose not to voice all of the things,
That I need to say to you,
Because I love you, and I miss you,
And you still don't know the truth,
Which if I don't bring myself to tell you,
I will lose you, and
Instinct tells me that this time,
You wouldn't come back,
Do I dare risk that,
When the reason I struggle to tell you,
Is because I fear I will lose you anyway?