Horrifying 1 moment hallucinations

[Grigore]

I'm trying to be sober now,as long as I can,but,whenever I'm sober for a week or something like that I get paranoid at night.

Also,I have terrifying hallucinations in which I see my dead grandmother (in a rotten form) staying still and staring at me.Sometimes,before seeing her,I hear my thoughts really loud in my head,are these some kind of auditory hallucinations,maybe mild ones? ex. of auditory hallucination:''You need to apologize,you have to apologize,stop complaining,apologize*

This happens whenever there's enough darkness for my brain and eyes to start making up incredibly realistic hallucinations that last only few seconds and then suddenly vanish.
I tried to apologize and the consequences traumatized me,now,I have some words that act as triggers,whenever I think about apologizing,I remember this hallucination and re-experience it.

Am I psychotic,what is happening to me?
Is it a common negative effect of chronic datura and dxm use?

 

[Black Rabbit of Inle]

It sounds like some residual effect of the constant deleriant use and the only way you're going to know for sure if it's permanent or not is to stop using any hallucinogen for a couple of months.

I'd advise you also go see a psych to get some insight into any feelings of being psychotic too, as well as sorting out the underlying problems that lead you to use such large amounts.

 

[Grigore]

I'm going to do so,if I'll manage to.

About going to a psychiatrist,well,I won't go,I'm not so desperate to solve my problem with medicine and hospitalization,I just hope the hallucinations won't get even more disturbing because they are disturbingly creepy enough already..

 

[T. Calderone]

Black Rabbit is right in suggesting you see a psychiatrist if this doesn't let up. You know that hearing those voices and seeing your grandmother is a hallucination so if you were psychotic you probably would not be questioning this. Definitely stop using these drugs because they're not helping you.

 

[Grigore]

Yes,I'm not psychotic but,are there any chances of becoming psychotic if I continue like this and not take anti psychotics? Only time will tell?
I'm convinced that this kind of hallucinations won't simply stop happening.I have a feeling about this.

 

[ad lib]

Do you see the hallucinations as thoughts, or as something that is physically present with you that you could reach out and touch?

 

[Grigore]

Call me crazy but,each time I've experienced this hallucination the feeling of being watched by a presence/entity came along with it.
It chills me to the bones.

Is this..relevant?

 

[ad lib]

Is my question relevant? I'm sorry if you do not think it was, I was just trying to get some more information on the nature of your hallucinations.

 

[Black Rabbit of Inle]

Every bit of information is relevant to understand the depth of the hallucinations.

Going to a psych does not necessarily mean you'll have to be on medication or hospitalized. There are other ways for them to help you. And without getting to the core problem your drug use may never be fully resolved.

 

[Grigore]

Sorry I'm not trying to make an excuse for this but I wanted to see if my prediction that consisted in my question being criticized will turn out to be true.

Ask me if you want to gather more information about this,I appreciate your help.
Just ask me.

One more thing,do I sound like an energy vampire?

 

[Grigore]

Every bit of information is relevant to understand the depth of the hallucinations.

Going to a psych does not necessarily mean you'll have to be on medication or hospitalized. There are other ways for them to help you. And without getting to the core problem your drug use may never be fully resolved.

I think that the main reason why I hallucinate my grandmother is that I've had a bad family-relationship with her,emotionally abused her,insulted her and now I am starting to feel guilty.
Moments before she died,I've told her that I hate her.From the moment she passed out,I tried to be tough and don't think about what happened,I tried to negate everything and become emotionless,partially,I managed to block my emotions,this leading to my drug addiction and my constant feeling of emptiness.
For several years,I would rarely think about her and now,I see her almost every night.It's..terrible.

 

[Thick_as_a_Planck]

The fact that you are having these hallucinations in the evening/at night (I'm guessing when you're lying in bed trying to sleep) is sort of a positive sign. At this time, especially if you are not sleeping well, people can be much more susceptible to hallucinations (you can search for 'hypnagogia' on wiki to find out more.) However the intensity and persistence of what you are seeing is above normal and I would guess is linked to using too many drugs. My advice would be to cut out any hallucinagenics for at least a few weeks and see if the hallucinations go away. If they don't, I think the advice about seeing a psych is pretty good. As for your grandma, well, I have had a slightly similar experience so I know how bad it can make you feel. But just remember, the fact that you do feel so guilty really shows that you are a good person and know when you have done something wrong. You can't take it back now, but how about using your experience to talk to other people in your family? I think just getting some of those feelings off your chest would help ease the pain a little. Good luck.

 

[Grigore]

@Thick_as_a_planck

Today it's the first time I hallucinate her in the morning,this time I woke up,opened my eyes and she was there in front of me and when I blinked she was gone,I've almost got a heart attack from that.
This might have been a hypnagogic hallucination but the other hallucinations that I experience at night happen when I enter the bathroom,my room,when I'm staying on my computer and I feel something beside me,I turn around,I see my grandmother and then she vanishes.

These aren't hypnagogic hallucinations,do you think this kind of hallucinations are somehow related to the hallucinations that a psychotic person has?

 

[steve022]

I would say that the Datura is probably the cause. There isn't really much known about Datura so whether or not it would be permanent is a gamble. My guess would probably be that yeah you might keep hallucinating for a long while. You don't really sound psychotic btw, your post is fairly lucid and you sound fairly together. If you were truly psychotic, you wouldn't be questioning. It sounds like you might be able to work through this without going to a psychiatrist. As much as this sounds quite "crazy", I suggest talking to the hallucinations, try to engage them in conversations and figure out what they want

 

[mostly-human]

I used to take Datura a bit, in my late teens.. I experienced full-blown auditory and visual hallucinations months after I last took it, it did eventually completely go away, though. It's probably the one "drug" I'm almost certain that I'll never knowingly consume again. It is seriously scary stuff.