My name is Kevin, I'm a 20 year old college student with a normal life and job. I was at a music festival in Tennesse called Bonnaroo last month for 4 days. I drove there all the way from Rhode Island. I was there from Thursday through Sunday. On Saturday, my friend and I decided to take LSD for the first time, and my life has never been as bad it could be since then.
Over the span of the days that I was there I was on adderall everyday, as well as a little bit of cocaine use. Very little drinking and very little cannabis use. Smoked a million cigs. When I took the LSD on Saturday night (5pm) I had popped an adderall hours prior to that. I was very confident that my night was going to be amazing! I was in an excellent mood surronded by great people. The only time I had used hallucinogenics prior to that day was about 2 grams of mushrooms about a year ago and I had a great time doing that, lots of laughs.
Well the trip was cool for 10 minutes then it took a turn. I was freaking out because I was tripping so hard, and ended up in the emergency medical tent with a IV being pumped into me. It was the worst 12 hours of my entire life, I was stuck in a constant loop thinking that I would never come out of this a normal person and I had gone mentally insane. I couldn't sit still for 12 hours straight. I finally went to sleep at 5 in the morning. I woke up the next day after the worst night of my life, and I felt great. We were all laughing about the situation and I was saying how I would never touch that shit again. No big deal.
Once I got back home on Tuesday I took a nap for 3 hours. I woke up having a horrendous panic attack as if I was reliving the bad trip all over again. I was going crazy and I thought the LSD had put a permanent affect on my brain. I made it through the night with the help of my mom calming me down. The next day I still felt the same way when I woke up so I went to the hospital. They gave me some type of "anxiety" medicine called hydroxzone or something of that nature. The following day I woke up and I was determinded that the only way to shake this was to jump back into my normal life. I went back to the gym, cleaned the fuck out of my house and went straight to my friends house to get my mind off things. We spent the day going to the mall, running errands, doing anything to keep my mind off it. I was on the pills, they helped but made me feel like a zombie so I stopped using them after 2 days. I made up an excuse to get me out of work till Saturday so I could have the week to try and regain my mind.
I went back to work Saturday feeling very nervous and weary but I made it through the day. By Monday I felt somewhat like myself again. This week was a good week. I went back to doing what I normally did and felt liberated from the bad experience. I was going out, hanging out with my friends, even went on a date and had a great time.
2 weeks I went out to get drinks with a buddy. I was pretty intoxicated and we smoked a ton of weed after. We were with someone who frequently used adderall and sometimes laces blunts with adderall without saying anything (shitty person, I secretly hate him). I got home that night around 1AM and as soon as I layed in bed and shut my eyes I had horrible spins and began having another traumatic panic attack that last 6 hours of me going crazy inside of my room. The next day I felt so depressed and anxious that I was living a vicious cycle of sometimes being normal for a week or 2, but then reverting back to that awful feeling of constant anxiousness from these panic attacks. I let a week pass by and throughout the whole week I felt absolutely helpless and depressed. I started drinking tea, meditating, doing anything I could to take my mind off it but it barely worked. One night I was drinking some tea before bed hoping to wake up feeling better, but instead I woke up 15 minutes later having yet ANOTHER vicious panic attack with my heart beating out my chest as a million miles a minute. I thought I was going to die from a heartattack that night. WHY DOES THIS CONTINUE TO HAPPEN TO ME?!
After that I went to the hospital yet again and told them what was going on. I was so depressed and anxious and at an all time low in my life. I was such a confident, happy person who loved life and now I have turned into the complete opposite being. I didn't want to be alive if I had to live my life like this anymore. They prescribed me Prozac and an anxiety medicine called alprazolam. The medication helps somewhat.. it is now day 4 of me taking Prozac and the alprazolam. I feel somewhat better when my mind is taken away from how I feel. But every morning I still wake up extremely early with my heart beating fast, extremely anxious for no reason. I usually wake up at least once in the middle night for 15 minutes having a panic attack. I have to force myself to eat. Everytime I'm alone I get lost in my thoughts and think about death and my fear of dying. Before the Prozac I wanted to take my life simply so I could get death over with.
Please someone give me hope. I've conjured enough strength to write this post today. I don't want to jump back and forth from feeling good one week to feeling at my absolute worst the next week. What can I do to fix this? Is there anyone out there who has a similar experience and made it out feeling okay in the end? I just want to be me again. God save me.
Over the span of the days that I was there I was on adderall everyday, as well as a little bit of cocaine use. Very little drinking and very little cannabis use. Smoked a million cigs. When I took the LSD on Saturday night (5pm) I had popped an adderall hours prior to that. I was very confident that my night was going to be amazing! I was in an excellent mood surronded by great people. The only time I had used hallucinogenics prior to that day was about 2 grams of mushrooms about a year ago and I had a great time doing that, lots of laughs.
Well the trip was cool for 10 minutes then it took a turn. I was freaking out because I was tripping so hard, and ended up in the emergency medical tent with a IV being pumped into me. It was the worst 12 hours of my entire life, I was stuck in a constant loop thinking that I would never come out of this a normal person and I had gone mentally insane. I couldn't sit still for 12 hours straight. I finally went to sleep at 5 in the morning. I woke up the next day after the worst night of my life, and I felt great. We were all laughing about the situation and I was saying how I would never touch that shit again. No big deal.
Once I got back home on Tuesday I took a nap for 3 hours. I woke up having a horrendous panic attack as if I was reliving the bad trip all over again. I was going crazy and I thought the LSD had put a permanent affect on my brain. I made it through the night with the help of my mom calming me down. The next day I still felt the same way when I woke up so I went to the hospital. They gave me some type of "anxiety" medicine called hydroxzone or something of that nature. The following day I woke up and I was determinded that the only way to shake this was to jump back into my normal life. I went back to the gym, cleaned the fuck out of my house and went straight to my friends house to get my mind off things. We spent the day going to the mall, running errands, doing anything to keep my mind off it. I was on the pills, they helped but made me feel like a zombie so I stopped using them after 2 days. I made up an excuse to get me out of work till Saturday so I could have the week to try and regain my mind.
I went back to work Saturday feeling very nervous and weary but I made it through the day. By Monday I felt somewhat like myself again. This week was a good week. I went back to doing what I normally did and felt liberated from the bad experience. I was going out, hanging out with my friends, even went on a date and had a great time.
2 weeks I went out to get drinks with a buddy. I was pretty intoxicated and we smoked a ton of weed after. We were with someone who frequently used adderall and sometimes laces blunts with adderall without saying anything (shitty person, I secretly hate him). I got home that night around 1AM and as soon as I layed in bed and shut my eyes I had horrible spins and began having another traumatic panic attack that last 6 hours of me going crazy inside of my room. The next day I felt so depressed and anxious that I was living a vicious cycle of sometimes being normal for a week or 2, but then reverting back to that awful feeling of constant anxiousness from these panic attacks. I let a week pass by and throughout the whole week I felt absolutely helpless and depressed. I started drinking tea, meditating, doing anything I could to take my mind off it but it barely worked. One night I was drinking some tea before bed hoping to wake up feeling better, but instead I woke up 15 minutes later having yet ANOTHER vicious panic attack with my heart beating out my chest as a million miles a minute. I thought I was going to die from a heartattack that night. WHY DOES THIS CONTINUE TO HAPPEN TO ME?!
After that I went to the hospital yet again and told them what was going on. I was so depressed and anxious and at an all time low in my life. I was such a confident, happy person who loved life and now I have turned into the complete opposite being. I didn't want to be alive if I had to live my life like this anymore. They prescribed me Prozac and an anxiety medicine called alprazolam. The medication helps somewhat.. it is now day 4 of me taking Prozac and the alprazolam. I feel somewhat better when my mind is taken away from how I feel. But every morning I still wake up extremely early with my heart beating fast, extremely anxious for no reason. I usually wake up at least once in the middle night for 15 minutes having a panic attack. I have to force myself to eat. Everytime I'm alone I get lost in my thoughts and think about death and my fear of dying. Before the Prozac I wanted to take my life simply so I could get death over with.
Please someone give me hope. I've conjured enough strength to write this post today. I don't want to jump back and forth from feeling good one week to feeling at my absolute worst the next week. What can I do to fix this? Is there anyone out there who has a similar experience and made it out feeling okay in the end? I just want to be me again. God save me.