Horrendous life changing experience on M.o.B's and MDMA (5p/1g)

[Panzer323]

Hey BL,

First time poster, just registered to get some things out of my brain.

Nearly 4 months ago me and a group of friends went on a massive drugs binge which nearly cost me my sanity.

Over the course of 24 hours, i had ingested 5 pills and a gram of MDMA.

What i experienced was scary as hell. It felt like my mind was behind a mental block, i kept having moments of pure nothingness. Nothing made sense and i was in full panic and fear mode. I was repeating my name, address and family member names to myself in fear that if i stopped, my mind would fry and i would die of renal failure. I was beyond bogglled. I didd'nt know which way was up, i was hypervigillant. I kept tripping out so hard my brain couldn't handle it and went into base survival mode. Impossible angles, lines that weren't there. Just an overwhelming sense that my mind was on the verge of slipping into pure chaos and nothingness. It was like "Train of thought-BLOCK, TERROR, PANIC-Reassert control - TERROR, PANIC, BLOCK, NOTHINGNESS- Reassert control.

I was slipping into catatonic fear and distress, delirious and scared that i had no escape and that i was too fucked to stay alive.

The comedown wasn't as harsh as expected as i had a few doobies to control the MDMA and slowly the brain blocks and nothingness stopped.

Now i have waking nightmares, reccolecting the feeling of extreme terror and nothingness i experienced. I wake up in the middle of the night in panic, shaking and smelling burning.

Has anyone else experienced this? I feel like im alone in the world. I was diagnosed with Psychosis and im on Olanzapine for it. I try my hardest to keep a brave face, but when the feeling comes back, i get shakey and terrified that im reliving the experience.

Im truly frightened about the future and i have been clean for 4 months now, no weed, md, nothing. Occasionally i drink, just to take the edge off my bad experience.

 

[crOOk]

Has the frequency of these occurrences decreased? Is the olanzapine helping you? Your mind is apparently still in distress and it would probably help you a great deal if you could find some space to work through whatever issues there are. Feel free to drop me a line if you want to talk on an instant messenger, I have some limited experience with mental illness.

EDIT: You can't write pm's at this point, so I'll write you my skype address via pm. Your name hints at you speaking German, which would be a fortunate coincidence.

 

[nintey]

NO MORE MARIJUANA PLEASE, it will only screw you up more at this point. I suggest a high vegetable diet and regular exercise with fish oil supplementation. Also look into piracetam. Good luck!

 

[crOOk]

Gotta love to witness your brain breaking... Are you sure you were catatonic? You aren't talking about excited catatonia, right?

no more marijuana please, it will only screw you up more at this point.

-qft-

 

[Mr. Finn]

Over did it dude. MDMA has a history of doing this. Take some time off from drugs, anywhere from a couple months to a few years, everyone's different.

I hope your recovery goes smoothly

In the meantime, maybe go see your doc and get prescribed some SSRI's to help with the anxiety and panic attacks.

Time heals all wounds, and every single scenario can be improved by a positive outlook.

Stay strong, dude!

 

[P.o.T.u.S]

I would not advise a SSRI like the above poster due to the fact if u have psychosis its most likely due to some level of serotonin syndrome and i wouldn't take anything that fucks with your serotonin after that bad experience

Obviously a panic attack also happend because you were really fucked up and due to the type of drug mdma is it stuck with you and made some changes to your perception and the panic state sticks with you for a while if you were fearing for your life.u will be ok in time my friend stay healthy i believe in you

and im not a doctor but id bet on some form of ptsd from the experience and not psychosis.if u only focus on the experience it will only take longer to recover

 

[king.snork1]

heavy shit,
I've got a 1000mg MDMA trip report myself..
did not experience anything this mentally intense the effects i had were much more physical,
although i did start hallucinating and i wasn't exactly sharp at the time

 

[crOOk]

I would not advise a SSRI like the above poster due to the fact if u have psychosis its most likely due to some level of serotonin syndrome and i wouldn't take anything that fucks with your serotonin after that bad experience

Please read up on Serotonin Syndrome before you start giving others medical advice. I'm not trying to be an asshole here, but it has to be made 100% clear that what he describes has absolutely nothing to do with Serotonin Syndrome whatsoever!

If you ask me, just go see a psychiatrist, tell him exactly what happened and see what he suggests. You can still decide whether you want to follow his advice. It's good to come here as well, especially for some moral support, but I don't see any reason not to see a professional, unless you lack health insurance.

All I can suggest to get better aside from psychopharmaceuticals prescribed by a psychiatrist would be to stay off all recreational drugs, eat healthy and do some form of sport. It'll do wonders for your mental state.