joonya77
Bluelighter
Don't mean to bring anyone down...Just need to get it out in the open...
My wife and I are in our mid 30's (she's 36, I'm 35). We've been co-dependent in every way in the ten years we've been together. First it was the booze (splitting a fifth of Jim Beam a night, or she'll drink her two bottles of Cabernet and I'll have my 8-12 beers.) In 2006 we started doing cocaine together (I had done some before, she was a rookie.) Taking it and running with it was an understatement. We went from weekend use (for about three months) to splitting an 8 ball 6 out of 7 days of the week. Stopped paying bills, started borrowing crazy grips of cash from anyone who'd believe whatever lie we were spinning at the time. Once my ex- wife fucked up too many times, my son had to come live with me, so the coke went for me. She came around a month or two later. But the hole that was left by the coke was filled by the booze, more than ever before. Until one night four years ago. My brother-in law (her older brother) is a raging crackhead. Always a bundle of nervous energy, like the UPS guy on MadTV. Like Tyrone Biggums on the Dave Chappelle Show. Stereotypical crackhead. Smoked crack at my wedding and had to leave twenty minutes later he was so tweaked.
But on this day he was calm. Calmer than anyone had ever seen him. His secret? Heroin. He asked us for a ride over to Lowell, Mass. to score some. Sure, why not? And here is where it gets awesome. You see, at this point in my life if I wasn't working, I was drunk. All the time. And this being a Sunday, was no exception. And in my inebriated state I thought "Hey, heroin sounds like a great idea. I should have him get me some." So I did. That was four years ago.
Today we are broke. We have taken and sold anything of value. We stopped paying bills to have more money for dope. We eventually got sick of her brother middle manning us and taxing us to death, and started dealing directly with the dude himself, who fronted us a credit line of $6,000. No that isn't an extra zero. Six grand. On the cuff. To two junkies. I have procured us Suboxone. I have talked about us going to meetings. About anyway or any reason to stop doing this shit. We are borrowed out from friends and family to the max. And while I am fully accepting the idea that we need to cut this shit out, she refuses to give in. If I won't go see if I can hustle a family member or friend or even a neighborhood storeowner fer chirissakes, she gets surly, verbally agressive and abusive, will go into the bedroom and cry for a half an hour in the dark and generally make me feel like shit for wanting us to get our lives together.
Does anyone have any experience with co-dependency? CAN it work out? Are we doomed? I know I can't be around her and stop using if she is doing it around me. We never shoot our dope, but we each have a habit of 3 bags to feel normal, 4 or more to get high. We have done it daily for three and a half years, with one week off in 2011 (near thanksgiving) and two weeks in 2012 (again near thanksgiving). Other than that, no days off. No lie.
I know this is disjointed and rambling. I'm having a hard time keeping my thoughts straight. I just don't know what to do. Thanks.
My wife and I are in our mid 30's (she's 36, I'm 35). We've been co-dependent in every way in the ten years we've been together. First it was the booze (splitting a fifth of Jim Beam a night, or she'll drink her two bottles of Cabernet and I'll have my 8-12 beers.) In 2006 we started doing cocaine together (I had done some before, she was a rookie.) Taking it and running with it was an understatement. We went from weekend use (for about three months) to splitting an 8 ball 6 out of 7 days of the week. Stopped paying bills, started borrowing crazy grips of cash from anyone who'd believe whatever lie we were spinning at the time. Once my ex- wife fucked up too many times, my son had to come live with me, so the coke went for me. She came around a month or two later. But the hole that was left by the coke was filled by the booze, more than ever before. Until one night four years ago. My brother-in law (her older brother) is a raging crackhead. Always a bundle of nervous energy, like the UPS guy on MadTV. Like Tyrone Biggums on the Dave Chappelle Show. Stereotypical crackhead. Smoked crack at my wedding and had to leave twenty minutes later he was so tweaked.
But on this day he was calm. Calmer than anyone had ever seen him. His secret? Heroin. He asked us for a ride over to Lowell, Mass. to score some. Sure, why not? And here is where it gets awesome. You see, at this point in my life if I wasn't working, I was drunk. All the time. And this being a Sunday, was no exception. And in my inebriated state I thought "Hey, heroin sounds like a great idea. I should have him get me some." So I did. That was four years ago.
Today we are broke. We have taken and sold anything of value. We stopped paying bills to have more money for dope. We eventually got sick of her brother middle manning us and taxing us to death, and started dealing directly with the dude himself, who fronted us a credit line of $6,000. No that isn't an extra zero. Six grand. On the cuff. To two junkies. I have procured us Suboxone. I have talked about us going to meetings. About anyway or any reason to stop doing this shit. We are borrowed out from friends and family to the max. And while I am fully accepting the idea that we need to cut this shit out, she refuses to give in. If I won't go see if I can hustle a family member or friend or even a neighborhood storeowner fer chirissakes, she gets surly, verbally agressive and abusive, will go into the bedroom and cry for a half an hour in the dark and generally make me feel like shit for wanting us to get our lives together.
Does anyone have any experience with co-dependency? CAN it work out? Are we doomed? I know I can't be around her and stop using if she is doing it around me. We never shoot our dope, but we each have a habit of 3 bags to feel normal, 4 or more to get high. We have done it daily for three and a half years, with one week off in 2011 (near thanksgiving) and two weeks in 2012 (again near thanksgiving). Other than that, no days off. No lie.
I know this is disjointed and rambling. I'm having a hard time keeping my thoughts straight. I just don't know what to do. Thanks.
