Hooked on benzos again

[Cyanoide]

Long story short; I was in benzo detox 2012 and managed to quit a benzo addiction of over 10 years (oxazepam -> alprazolam -> clonazepam -> diazepam)

Unfortunately I got hooked on RC benzos again in January 2014. Ever since I've been taking 1 mg Diclazepam / day. I actually managed to taper down to 0.3 mg Diclazpeam / day in August 2014. But then I drank for maybe 3 days, and my taper was destroyed. I started getting convulsions after drinking and took 3-5 mg Etizolam per day to keep the convulsions and seizures away. I've also been to alcohol detox in 2012. Hence, I get severe withdrawal if I drink too much.

Seeing a doctor isn't an option. They send me directly to detox and that just isn't an option. I would lose my job and probably contacts to my parents. They think I'm OK and in fact I am as long as i take my benzos.

The thing is, I'm fine on 1-2 mg Diclazepam / day. But I also occassionally use diazepam, temazepam, flubromazepam, flubromazolam, clonazolam, pyrazolam and etizolam.

What do you think my choice is? I've gone through benzo withdrawal and it's hell on earth. I also drink too much in the evenings, sometimes so much I have to take massive amounts of benzos because I don't get a hangover from too much alcohol, I get severe withdrawal and convulsions if I drink too much.

Sometimes I think just continue with the benzos and you'll be fine. But do I really want this addiction? Especially since I have to hide it from almost anyone I know. The addiction is terrible and so strong I probably go into DT if I just stop CT. This is not some "I get anxiety if I stop" but an addiction that could lead me to the grave. But I have a job and good relations to my parents and my brother. Outerwise everything seems OK and nobody knows about my addiction.

I'm at a crossroads. Should I start tapering down the Diclazepam or just continue taking my daily doses, feeling fine? I have a stack of benzos for years and a steady supply. But this addiction is more terrible than before because no one knows, and I don't get any benzos by prescription anymore because of my history. This is my own secret.

Now I abuse especially alcohol, Lyrica (pregabalin) and Ketamine to just forget my addiction. For the last 16 years, only 1 year has gone without benzos. I wonder often, are benzos just a part or my life I should accept? I'm confused and would greatly appreciate your opinions on this matter.

 

[Spadez87]

Long story short; I was in benzo detox 2012 and managed to quit a benzo addiction of over 10 years (oxazepam -> alprazolam -> clonazepam -> diazepam)

Unfortunately I got hooked on RC benzos again in January 2014. Ever since I've been taking 1 mg Diclazepam / day. I actually managed to taper down to 0.3 mg Diclazpeam / day in August 2014. But then I drank for maybe 3 days, and my taper was destroyed. I started getting convulsions after drinking and took 3-5 mg Etizolam per day to keep the convulsions and seizures away. I've also been to alcohol detox in 2012. Hence, I get severe withdrawal if I drink too much.

Seeing a doctor isn't an option. They send me directly to detox and that just isn't an option. I would lose my job and probably contacts to my parents. They think I'm OK and in fact I am as long as i take my benzos.

The thing is, I'm fine on 1-2 mg Diclazepam / day. But I also occassionally use diazepam, temazepam, flubromazepam, flubromazolam, clonazolam, pyrazolam and etizolam.

What do you think my choice is? I've gone through benzo withdrawal and it's hell on earth. I also drink too much in the evenings, sometimes so much I have to take massive amounts of benzos because I don't get a hangover from too much alcohol, I get severe withdrawal and convulsions if I drink too much.

Sometimes I think just continue with the benzos and you'll be fine. But do I really want this addiction? Especially since I have to hide it from almost anyone I know. The addiction is terrible and so strong I probably go into DT if I just stop CT. This is not some "I get anxiety if I stop" but an addiction that could lead me to the grave. But I have a job and good relations to my parents and my brother. Outerwise everything seems OK and nobody knows about my addiction.

I'm at a crossroads. Should I start tapering down the Diclazepam or just continue taking my daily doses, feeling fine? I have a stack of benzos for years and a steady supply. But this addiction is more terrible than before because no one knows, and I don't get any benzos by prescription anymore because of my history. This is my own secret.

Now I abuse especially alcohol, Lyrica (pregabalin) and Ketamine to just forget my addiction. For the last 16 years, only 1 year has gone without benzos. I wonder often, are benzos just a part or my life I should accept? I'm confused and would greatly appreciate your opinions on this matter.

I'm a serious former benzo user. I used for 11 years straight. I tapered and cold turkeyed 5 times during that 11 years but always cane back within 3-6 months of being off. So I hear what you are saying in regards to it being part of you.

I've been off benzos now since nov 2014. Best decision I ever made. I around the beginning of 2013 I was taking 180mgs of diazepam a day. So from around feb 2013 till nov 2014 I had to taper off. It was ridiculously terrible.

I actually still have about 500 diazepam pills. I keep then there so I now the addiction is beat. Looking at them makes me sick now tbh. The drug is good and really numbs you out to the bs of life but with w/ds worse then heroin/meth and pretty much every other drug combined the price is to high.

I'd get off and stay off before you get older and don't have that option cuz the w/d will kill you.

 

[Cyanoide]

I've been thinking about the following taper (I'm very familiar with the Ashton manual)

1 mg 2-4 weeks (to stabilize the amount of benzos in my system, as diclazepam has 3 different metabolites (delorazepam, lorazepam and lormetazepam). It's especially the active metabolite delorazepam with a half-life of 100+ hours that makes diclazepam suitable for a taper.

0.75 mg 3-4 weeks
0.5 mg 3-4 weeks

After this I have to slow down, I know from experience the WD becomes exponentially harder when reaching 0.5 mg.

0.4 mg 2-3 weeks
0.3 mg 2-3 weeks
0.2 mg 2-3 weeks
0.1 mg 2-3 weeks

This is a quite cautious tapering that could take up to 20 weeks. However rather slowly than too fast which would just lead me to return to 1-2 mg / day.

 

[Cyanoide]

The problem is, how do I manage the withdrawal that lasts so long? When I managed to taper to 0.3 mg diclazepam, I suffered for 6 months straight.

Exercise, movies, playing records (I'm a bedroom Psytrance DJ with a collection of over 1000 goa/psytrance CD's), going to museums...? I felt like complete sh!t the whole taper. Extreme dissociative feelings, insomnia, anxiety, panic attacks, palpiatations, shaking...I think there are over a thousand symptoms you could ascribe benzo withdrawal. I'm ready to commit to tapering, but how do I manage feeling like complete shit for months and months without relapsing?

Also, is it a good idea to use Lyrica (pregabalin) to make the taper faster? I've found this to be a miracle drug to manage benzo WD. I don't get Lyrica by prescription anymore, but I have a steady supply of it. As Lyrica is a calcium channel blocker, it shouldn't intefere with the taper like alcohol does?

 

[Cyanoide]

Edit: Nevermind. I was drunk.

 

[Allein]

I few years ago I developed a horrible Diazepam habit, in the UK most pills are not pharmaceutical as they arent widely prescribed but they are easily available and I started buying them in bulk.

It wasnt long before I was taking 200mg + a day and there is no quick way out of such situations, stopping abruptly is extremely dangerous and no doctor in the UK would have supported the kind of starting point I needed for a tapper.

Via this site I found a great resource of information :-

The Ashton Manual

I tapered 3 times in total, relapsing and even adding in alcohol at one stage but I got there in the end.

I can only give advice based on my own experience but key things I did:-

* wrote up a proper taper plan with a weekly decrease, tick off those days

* Obtained enough tablets to see me through the taper, this helped with consistent dosing and stopped the whole regular purchasing cycle

* If you're struggling hold the dose, really try not to ever increase but hold ing the same dose for a couple of weeks is fine.

If your using daily it's likely you're already suffering withdrawal, it' certainly unlikely these drugs are genuinely making you feel better. It is but my opinion but for anything other than very short term 'crisis' use I don't believe daily use of benzos is much better than alcohol for your wellbeing.

Tapering is hard but it will avoid all the serious risks of seizures, you'll get some way in and feel that the dose is doing nothing for you anymore because it isnt but it is preventing you from having a seizure or from unduly suffering rebound anxiety, it takes a long time for your system to adjust.

Don't beat yourself up over relapsing, we live and learn and hopefully next time will be the last

 

[cj]

I don't think you should be looking for ways to make the taper faster. Everything I have ever read says that with any drug the slower the taper the better. When you do taper you need to watch out that you don't replace the benzos with drinking. I know its not what you want to hear but if shit gets too real you have to check yourself into a medical detox. No job or parental trouble is worth dying for at the end of the day. Though i know exactly where you are coming from. I wish you luck man. Keep us updated.

 

[Allein]

^^^

Agreed, I can understand why you would want to shorten the process but it is both dangerous and more likely to fail.

A long acting Benzo like Diazepam is ideal, something like Xanax would be almost useless for the purpose.

The Ashton Manual provides schedule plans that have been well tested and are the result of really credible work, I would strongly recommend reading it and actually writing up a taper plan, I used Excel ....hard as it is slow and steady is the best way to do this, I managed to taper from those doses and carry on working 5 days a week and remain functional.

diclazepam seems to have a similar of not longer half life than Diazepam so I would think the Ashton taper plans could be used, I haven't compared your schedule to those but urge you to do so. I also found Valarian root tablets seemed to help a little as well as diphenhydramine for insomnia.

 

[CircleThatA]

Are you a better person (happier) on or off them. It sounds like you can get your hands on most every Benzo. I would never quit if I could find all that and I'm sure I would actually be doing something with my life as Bzos get me straight. The exchange for alcohol is what destroyed me. If your doing well keep it rockin man!

 

[Allein]

Are you a better person (happier) on or off them. It sounds like you can get your hands on most every Benzo. I would never quit if I could find all that and I'm sure I would actually be doing something with my life as Bzos get me straight. The exchange for alcohol is what destroyed me. If your doing well keep it rockin man!

It is a very easy trap to fall into, I ended up on both at the same time in the end, horrible mess that I just had to put a stop to. I know many people that drink with no problems, I used to but once I got bad with it there was no way back and I don't drink to this day.

From a physical and mental point of view heavy daily drinking messed me up more than anything else I've ever abused, I needed it like the air we breath....and this is the stuff they choose to make legal