iLoveYouWithaKnife
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 30, 2002
- Messages
- 8,351
So here I sit,
once again
with the words I typed
blurred as usual
between the tears that run down my face.
I lost again,
I guess.
I should be used to it this time.
And what the fuck happened.
This time....
really.
How did it get this far out of line?
Bruises marking my arms.
Tears running down my face
as I look over to that couch
that I will sleep on tonight,
or try to
knowing already
that i'll just lay there the rest of the night
trying to figure out what the fuck to do.
And stuff between us, my dear,
have actually been wonderful.
We've been hanging out all the time.
No fights, no arguments, nothing.
Just us.
Wonderful.
Take a break from the movie tonight
go outside on my sister's back porch
for a cigarette break.
Brother-in-law comes out asks for some beer.
End up hanging out for 3 hours.
Time comes to finish our movie.
I curl up on the couch with my 'special pillow'.
You grab it playfully
and it starts a fight.
I give it back to you
and said I'd curl up with a blanket instead.
It starts a fight.
As usual.
Standing in the kitchen,
making me push you out the fucking door.
But you won't leave.
Give me the night, a few hours to cool off this time.
But you won't.
Say you want your fucking wristband and your headband back.
Want me to look for it
through a pile of mess.
Through the pile of life of everything I own,
stacked up in my sister's basement.
I can't take it.
I walk upstairs to have my brother in law make you leave
he comes down and you leave with no trouble.
I walk downstairs to try to find your shit....
Only to come up with that mother fucker in my face.
Grabs me, tells me I'm a bitch.
I don't take shit from anyone,
especially someone putting their hands on me.
So I grab my back
and decide to leave for the night.
He meets me a few blocks away.
Tells me to get in the car.
I refuse.
Gets out, grabs me, throws me in
the driver side door.
I start swinging he does
the same.
He pulls over.
Punches still being thrown.
He tells me, I'm a drunk bitch alcoholic
(even though I wasn't at the time)
Tells me my sister won't believe
he actually hit me.
Tells me to wait til my sister gets a hold of me.
We drive back to their house.
I scream out
"chrissy"
She says whats wrong....
I said
"that bitch ass wants to hit me?!"
He shoves me right in front of her
I go flying across the room
She screams out
She sees my fists flying....
He says
"c'mon punk, you want to fight like a man, come outside"
I yell some things
like I love my sister,
my niece my nephew, Jacob and Amber.
I storm out the front door
and walk two miles to the house I used to live at.
Along the way I find the biggest rocks.
I walked past your house.
I wanted to throw them through your fucking windshield.
I have all this anger, angression
that won't rid me.
I call your roommates phone.
It's not connected,
I have no way to get in touch with you.
I feel so lonely.
I'm homeless again.
Four a fucking clock in the morning,
I'm waking my 'mom' from bed.
She has no answers
to what I had said.
I'm not really looking for answers
to my retorical questions....
just looking for someone
to understand, to listen.
I'm homeless again,
with no place to go.
once again
with the words I typed
blurred as usual
between the tears that run down my face.
I lost again,
I guess.
I should be used to it this time.
And what the fuck happened.
This time....
really.
How did it get this far out of line?
Bruises marking my arms.
Tears running down my face
as I look over to that couch
that I will sleep on tonight,
or try to
knowing already
that i'll just lay there the rest of the night
trying to figure out what the fuck to do.
And stuff between us, my dear,
have actually been wonderful.
We've been hanging out all the time.
No fights, no arguments, nothing.
Just us.
Wonderful.
Take a break from the movie tonight
go outside on my sister's back porch
for a cigarette break.
Brother-in-law comes out asks for some beer.
End up hanging out for 3 hours.
Time comes to finish our movie.
I curl up on the couch with my 'special pillow'.
You grab it playfully
and it starts a fight.
I give it back to you
and said I'd curl up with a blanket instead.
It starts a fight.
As usual.
Standing in the kitchen,
making me push you out the fucking door.
But you won't leave.
Give me the night, a few hours to cool off this time.
But you won't.
Say you want your fucking wristband and your headband back.
Want me to look for it
through a pile of mess.
Through the pile of life of everything I own,
stacked up in my sister's basement.
I can't take it.
I walk upstairs to have my brother in law make you leave
he comes down and you leave with no trouble.
I walk downstairs to try to find your shit....
Only to come up with that mother fucker in my face.
Grabs me, tells me I'm a bitch.
I don't take shit from anyone,
especially someone putting their hands on me.
So I grab my back
and decide to leave for the night.
He meets me a few blocks away.
Tells me to get in the car.
I refuse.
Gets out, grabs me, throws me in
the driver side door.
I start swinging he does
the same.
He pulls over.
Punches still being thrown.
He tells me, I'm a drunk bitch alcoholic
(even though I wasn't at the time)
Tells me my sister won't believe
he actually hit me.
Tells me to wait til my sister gets a hold of me.
We drive back to their house.
I scream out
"chrissy"
She says whats wrong....
I said
"that bitch ass wants to hit me?!"
He shoves me right in front of her
I go flying across the room
She screams out
She sees my fists flying....
He says
"c'mon punk, you want to fight like a man, come outside"
I yell some things
like I love my sister,
my niece my nephew, Jacob and Amber.
I storm out the front door
and walk two miles to the house I used to live at.
Along the way I find the biggest rocks.
I walked past your house.
I wanted to throw them through your fucking windshield.
I have all this anger, angression
that won't rid me.
I call your roommates phone.
It's not connected,
I have no way to get in touch with you.
I feel so lonely.
I'm homeless again.
Four a fucking clock in the morning,
I'm waking my 'mom' from bed.
She has no answers
to what I had said.
I'm not really looking for answers
to my retorical questions....
just looking for someone
to understand, to listen.
I'm homeless again,
with no place to go.
