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Holiday Family Time.... Must Stay Strong

tackyspiral

tackyspiral

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 27, 2006
Messages
2,657
Location
rocky mountains
I dont know about you guys but my fam really stresses me out sometimes as much as i love them
I am getting increasingly nervous about spending time with everyone
and i have to do it totally sober this year

so i figured i would make a general holiday family support thread
for everyone who finds the holidays and the pressure a lil nerve racking
 
I don't have to deal with family anymore. It's just me, my stepdad and son. The old man wastes so much money on a twenty dollar turkey and all the stuff that goes with it. Depleted my food stamps which doesn't get re-upped until Dec 7th. I hate getting all that food and then it sits in the fridge afterwards and ends up getting thrown away.

I don't miss those days when I was married and spending the entire day going to my mother's and then having to go to his parent's. The inevitable arguements because he couldn't get drunk. Last year I had more fun at the homeless shelter. We had so much food donated that we had to give loads of it to different food pantries otherwise, it would have went bad.
 
ah family is so stressful sometimes, it's mostly just my dad. Sometimes he's great sometime's he's in a pissed off mood and spiteful. I take benzos to go visit and things always go well. If i go sober, things don't go very well for me.
 
I'm not doing the holidays at all this year. My adult children never get along anymore because their spouses don't get along. I don't have a job and the place I really want to work just announced they are laying off 450 people. I don't have money for turkey or money for presents, and this is very possibly the last holiday we will get to spend in our home, as we are in foreclosure. My friend Laura who got run over by a car is still in coma and getting pneumonia. My BFF told me yesterday she just found out she has brain cancer.

I closed my FB account. I'm thinking of closing this. Nothing good will happen this year and what is coming toward me from the future is the possible loss of my two closest friends and homelessness. The joblessness is already wrapped around me so tight that no one will even interview me. Forget trying to find a job. I can't look anymore.

The holiday decorations all went out with the trash this morning. I have good memories of past holidays but now there is no happiness in a holiday. My kids don't get along as adults, they do NOT want to get together and are all going to their inlaws houses. My husband and I aren't doing any Thanksgiving dinner. We aren't buying anything for anybody for Christmas because we are broke. We are broke because I can't find a motherfucking job... his retirement pay is not enough to live on.

I can't even say "I can't wait til the holidays are over" because after the holidays are over the house and everything in it are set to vanish right in front of my eyes, along with my friends. I spoke of this briefly to an acquaintance who immediately sent me an "inspirational" link about some blind kids and what a wonderful thing they did... blah blah blah. It didn't cheer me up, it just made me delete her contact info.

I'm not stupid. I know there are zillions of people in this country hurting. I'm only one person tho, and I only have this one life, and everything I have worked towards for the last 30 years has or is falling away.

I'm not going to pretend to be thankful just because other people have problems too. My problems are the ones I'm going to have to live through, not yours or anyone else's. The things I'm trying to deal with now is more than I know how to handle. I actually can't handle any of it, or change any of it, or fix any of it. I can't make anything right and everything gets more wrong every day.

Black Friday while people are out shopping or working I will be doing nothing because I can't shop or work. I'm done. Nothing matters and so what if it did.
 
I've got really mixed feelings about the holidays this year. On the one hand I'm really looking forward to it because it'll be nice to go home and just *be* home and be able to see my siblings and all my close friends again (not too mention having some really good food and not university catered meals!). On the other hand, if all of my dad's side of the family come over as they usually do, I'm really going to hate it. One of my uncles is quite frankly somewhat terrifying, has done numerous trips to an asylum for violence; my oldest cousin is severely epileptic which of course I'm not blaming him for and of course I still want to see him but he has a few seizures a day and it's quite scary; my other uncle is an alcoholic (not judging him for that obviously, who would I be to speak) who's got a terrible relationship with his kids who would be there too; and then well there's my dad who runs in the same vein as my violent uncle; and then my mom who gets super depressed every Christmas cuz she can't be with her family on the other side of the world (and has to bear with my dad's). Oh yeah and then there's my racist grandfather and my homophobe grandmother.
Always fun.
 
Nice thread idea Tacky. In fact I was coming in to put up a Thanksgiving thread for our US cousins if one didn't already exist. Holiday season is often hard for lots of us. So much pressure to put on the smiley face and play happy families whether we're particularly smiley or not, happy family or not. I find Xmas difficult certainly, and like you Tacky I'll be doing it sober this year when the place will be awash with booze. That's fine. Will make the best of it secure in the knowledge that when everyone selse tarts falling out at about 8pm cos the booze is bringing out a years worth of bottled up petty resentments, I'll be the voice of reason refusing to engage in it for once myself.

Anyways, for our US cousins, however you're marking the day, whether it's with family or not, whether you're feeling all that thankful or not, I hope today will be a good day that brings some measure of peace and joy in one way or another. <3
 
i find the holidays hard too,though i live at home as im not 18,i have to take time off my job and i would love that if i were living alone but with family i have to be sober,and it kicks wonderful withdrawal,i wish i was sober like so many of you people here,but not yet,though i will try. family can be so helpful at most times but sometimes when ur anxious all you want to do is be left alone for a little while and sleep (and then they suspect im on something)
 
lol pagey my grandparents were racist sort of, not that they thought black people weren't equal just that they thought they could really play baseball well. lol
 
Tacky, I just announced on the mod-thread that I was going to start a thread for extra support for the holidays and here it is! You beat me to it--thank you!!

It's been a mixed bag for me so far. I have been crying and crying and crying. I miss Caleb so much. He used to help me with the decorating. We walked around the neighborhood with clippers and got berries and pretty leaves and colorful bark etc to lay out on the table. It always was our special thing. Now, whenever I do it alone I remember how much he loved beauty, and how much I loved him for that. I thought it would save him, because I'm pretty sure it saved me, but he didn't make it. The last Thanksgiving of his life we went camping in the desert instead of having the celebration at home. His addiction was in full throttle and none of us could bear playing out the traditional story while that elephant stood in the room. The desert was perfect. We hiked and made fires and talked. It was sad and raw and real and I can still picture him scrambling over rocks, disappearing into deep canyons and emerging way ahead of us down the trail. I try to hang onto that image--both his joy and seeing him as the trailblazer ahead of us. I had a wonderful day with my friends and my son and husband but it was not without deep sadness. Christmas will be the same. I am struggling to make sure that everything I do comes from my own heart--not from advertisements nor from family expectations, but from my own heart. That means acknowledging when it is hard as well as making room for the joy that is still possible.

I know that addiction is a family disease. There is so much pain involved for everyone. Hold your heads up high and live from your heart and make your own meaning. Remember that people do and say all sorts of inappropriate and insensitive things to those they love the most--usually out of genuine ignorance as opposed to a lack of love. If you encounter blame and shame, remember that you are in control of whether or not you internalize those.

I am thankful to you, Tacky for starting this thread. I hope we can all use it for support for each other. <3

P.S. Ugly, I am so sorry for your situation. It is overwhelming to say the least.
 
Figured you would be Herb? ((( <3 ))) Holidays that are family times can't help but throw up memories of how things were to compare with how things are now. Don't think they'll ever stop doing that. The difficulty is beng able to focus on all the good stuff to be grateful for with the time we had, and finding some shared sense of joy in that when it sometimes feels like the very possibility of knowing joy again is lost to us as they are. Time will help with that shift for most of us but seems you already do that instinctively anyways. Sill doesn't mean my dad's absence at the table while we tuck in is any less keenly felt by all of us 30 odd years after his death, and in acknowledging that and talking about him we let memory work its magic blending the pain of sorrow with joy at being priveleged to be part of his life and have him in ours, if only for a short time.

I hope the holiday season is kind to you Herby, but more importantly you're able to be kind to yourself? <3
 
herb your post brings tears to my eyes
i am happy you still had a wonderful day

pagey you certainly dont have a boring family to say the least
 
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